| Subject: Re: fuck html |
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jason
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Date Posted: 00:01:10 08/09/01 Thu
In reply to:
christina.
's message, "Re: fuck html" on 22:18:05 08/08/01 Wed
>that's obviously part of working in a group. you're
>not always going to get the response you want. youre
>not always going to get the support that you want or
>even maybe deserve. but that isn't a raeason to STOP
>doing things.
>well, i tried once and it didnt work so there.
>because that is what i am hearing.
i dont think i stopped cold-turkey or anything, i just wasnt aware of a lot of stuff going on so i feel like i could have done much more that i wasnt able to do.
>i dont think any of us were specifically doing it for
>the prizes because obviously, we're a big group and we
>are NOT all going to get something physical back out
>of this. but the time IS going to come when that stuff
>is there.
and if/when that happens, and if/when i'm a part of this i'll let you all have it, i never wanted any of it. it would have been nice for us all to have something i'm sure, but thats not what matters to me.
>thats why we HAVE the board. so we can continually
>know whats going on. we've had votes on stuff on this
>board, posting back and forth and giving input. this
>board has been up for a while. but i havent seen your
>posts continually throughout it. i havent seen new
>threads of progress being added by you. even if its
>stuff thats already happened, we can get ideas from
>that and branch out and let people know what we've
>done so we dont overlap. god knows i complained about
>not being informed before things happened, and thats
>why the board came to be. i think its been a vital
>tool amongst all of us.
maybe because i didnt think posting "handed out fliers to stores in westwood" was vital, i guess thats my mistake i admit.
>as for the fliers, yeah a bunch were printed
>beforehand. but then we all gave some info on how we
>wanted the last one to be, and audrey and val came up
>with a kick butt design and posted it so we could all
>see.
yeah, but when i saw the fliers in person i liked them and i commented to audrey and dor in person that i liked them when they gave me some, i didnt see any need to improve of them until they created the rainn. abuse. incest. fliers which i did post about my liking.
>WHY should i have to ask you? if it's YOUR
>assignment, then YOU should be telling ME what kind of
>progress youve made, or lack thereof. you should be
>telling me that no one has called you back. you
>should be telling me that you called four places. you
>should be telling me that youve done some work. i
>said TO MY KNOWLEDGE i didn't know of you calling any
>places. obviously, my knowledge of what you've done
>depends on YOU and what you tell me. if they didnt
>answer, thats when you call them back twice a day
>every day getting them to call you back. you dont
>leave a message and then think oh well, their turn to
>call me back.
i didnt feel i had to post what *wasnt* happening because at the time everyone was still sending mass emailings and i really didnt want to contribute to those with *wasnt* going on, again maybe thats my fault.
>well, it took this long to be really apparent.
>because up until now, some initiative could have been
>taken.
i dont know if i would call it "initiative" but i was doing what i thought my *part* was, i didnt know anything else was expected of me, and i hoped if anyone needed me to do anything that could have said "hey J can you help out on this, or can you do this?" but i think that goes back to before i left for San Diego...Audrey said she ran out of labels and asked if i could handwrite some of the address on the envelopes since i had the nicest handwriting, i said sure, because i wasnt leaving for SD for another 1 or 2 days i think, then it was decided at some meeting i couldnt attend that everyone would divide up the people mailed and find their phone numbers and follow up and the next day i was told this and i said i wouldnt have time to do that and the envelopes because i was leaving for san diego in a day and i still had a full work day and packing to do after work, so i was told that it was an inconvenience for me not being able to do that task that had been assigned to me not-knowingly and was also told i need not bother with the envelopes because that was only a slight thing that anyone could do. okay. after getting back from SD noone asked me to do anything so i admit i might have been a bit laxed getting back from SD, and i could have said "hey is there anything needing to be done?" and that is my fault, but i was hoping that if something needed to be done that someone could have said something. i really thought everything was pretty much under control. even at meetings people were like "ok, christina, you have insurance, erin - raffle" etc etc. and lately, when i have chimed in, its been disregarded or shot down. for example...at Jerry's when the dress code came up which was complete news to me, you all seemed to know about it, and i even said "what dress code?" and noone answered me, i had to figure it out from hearing you all talk, and then when i said something about not liking having a dress code for guests, people looked at me and then kept on talking about whatever they were talking about before i commented...ok fine i let it go. should i have been more aggresive about that? i guess so.
>no, we were going to discuss it that day you posted,
>but schedules got fucked up. and i personally like to
>deal with people in person. but since you posted, im
>going to respond to that since it's there. its that
>simple. no conspiracy.
and in all honesty, i would not have wanted this meeting in person if you all had talked about it beforehand, no matter how little you talked about it. because i probably would not have been tame and i probably would have taken it personally even though it shouldnt be considered so....
>THAT IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN SAYING. if this and the
>level of commitment it takes and the amount of
>physical work not just cheering everyone else on work
>is too much with other things in your life, or other
>things are more important, then you should consider
>stepping out of this. i'm not trying to kick you out.
> it's not only my party. i'm asking YOU to consider
>taking yourself out of it. if you feel like you can
>handle it and can jump in with the physical work, then
>fine.
i can handle this thing, i have handled. its THIS that i cant take.
>come on, jason. you didnt think there were levels of
>achievement as far as hosts, helpers were concerned?
>so were you just completely oblivious to when the
>whole nick thing was happening? did you miss when
>david didnt get in touch with any of the dealerships?
>at that time, do you think they should have been and
>should still be considered hosts?
actually yes i was completely oblivious to the whole nick thing, whenever i asked if he was coming to a meeting i was told "no not this one" then finally it was "no nicks not a part of this anymore" thats ALL i heard. and david? no i didnt hear about him either. i was only at ONE meeting with him and he just sat there and said nothing, so a week later when i heard he wasnt in it i wasnt surprised. i had NO idea about anything that went on with them, and everything you just said about them in that paragraph is news to me.
>as -soon- as this discussion began, it stopped because
>everyone, especially audrey i think, didn't want it a
>talking behind anyone's back or a let's all gang up on
>this person event. so as soon as it begun, it stopped
>until we could all find a time to be in person.
while that is comforting to know a bit, i still wish it hadnt come to this...
>and i'm sorry you have/had horrible things going on in
>your life. if those things are more important, which
>they should be, then i dont know, id be focusing on
>that instead. at one point in time, this project was
>making me very, very unhappy. i was ready to stop
>doing it. because i want to be 110% or nothing. and
>WHY continue with something if its just adding to the
>current overloaded levels of stress? i dont
>understand the masochism. im not personally trying to
>make it an overload.
i was stating those things but also saying that *this* was the worst of them all for me. and youre right - one shouldnt do something that is making them unhappy, but i am trying to work this out believe it or not, because i want it to work and i DONT want this going on, but i'm not going to have people say "you weren't an intergral part of this" without stating why i think they might think this, and maybe try and correct this.
>as far as stabbed in the back? sddskdsjkdskjdsjkd
>how can having a completely open and honest discussion
>be a stab in the back? what im writing, what im
>telling you, this is how i flat out honestly feel. if
>i had had an earlier chance to tell you, i would have
>taken it. but like i said, i like dealing in person
>for one thing. and i havent seen you since some of
>the first few meetings. thats when i started to get a
>twinge of the idea that you seemed to only want to do
>things that were fun and if it wasnt done the way you
>wanted it to be done, you didnt want to do it. ive
>already said that in the argument over background
>music.
what i meant about the stabbing in the back was the talking i felt was going on, but since you said it pretty much stopped when it started i take that back. but i was under the impression that it had been discussed without me.
i didnt attend most of the meetings because i couldnt. most of them were in long beach or torrance, and i would find out about them maybe 2 hours before hand? and there would be noone to pick me up and i dont know the schedules enought to get there that fast, it would probably have taken me 2 hours to figure that out. and the one time i did i ended up not even attending the meeting because i stormed out, which i admit now was not the best thing to do, but at the time i could not be in that room.
and the music thing? in all honesty me and val said "ok, it would be cool to have mixes of all our tastes, chime in with what you want" the response we got was basically "no. it should be this and only this and not that other thing." and i got mad about that because *that* seemed like no compromise, and i did fight it because i felt we could compromise, and we did eventually agree to one.
>i dont think any of us should have to ask you if it
>seems like you're doing an uneven amount. that's my
>big complaint. i dont see the initiative. i hear a
>lot of "well, you should have told me," "you should
>have asked me." well yes, in a perfect scenario, some
>more questions should have been asked. but this isn't
>perfect, it will never be. all of us have had to
>answer questions before even being asked. its a part
>of this project. i dont think that should be any
>surprise.
ok, maybe i should have answered questions before being asked, and like you said, this isnt perfect, but like i stated before, i thought everything was under control at this point. i really didnt think anything more than promotion needing to be done at this point.
look guys, errr girls, i'm sorry if this is one big drama. i did not want this. but i do feel that i did what i was supposed to do as little in comparrison as it might have seemed to others now. and i'm sorry if that inadvertantly created more work for others, but i dont think i need to "correct" or "make up lost time". i can put in more effort now and try to maybe be more vocal.
jason
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