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Date Posted: 18:34:46 11/25/02 Mon
Author: The Unknown
Subject: Early Christmas Presents To My Poor Little Friends

(The scene opens up with the Unknown walking through a busy mall. His cameraman follows him strapped down with film equipment. Many people stare at the Unknown strangely, in awe of the black mask that covered his face. He wears his traditional black trench coat with black tights and black boots. He looks through the mall as if he were looking for something. He searches through the shopping windows observing the many Thanksgiving decorations. He finally stops in front of a “Play it Again Sports”, and walks in. He walks through the rather small store, passing by things such as used baseball gloves to used skateboards. A store assistant timidly walks over to the Unknown.)

Store assistant: Is there anything I can help you with sir?

Unknown: yea, where are the treadmills. You know, those “Powerstrides” I always see on TV

Store assistant: yes, we have some over here.

(The Unknown and the store assistant walk over to the treadmills.)

Store assistant: This is a good model. It is old, but it sure can give you a work out.

(Someone calls the store assistant on the other side of the store. He excusing himself and tends to that person. The cameraman gets a good shot of The Unknown standing next to the treadmill. The Unknown places his hand on the fat burning machine and begins to speak.)

The Unknown: You know C4, I really am surprised of how you have been training the whole week. I never knew that you had it in you to get your lazy ass up and actually work out. Unfortunately you still are a fat ass. C4, you look like a damn pig. It’s disgusting the way your stomach just hangs out. It probably would hang all the way to the ground if you let it. What’s the point of buying a punching bag when you already have one hanging from your body? And you say you will cripple me. Actually you probably could cripple me. Just have your protruding stomach grab me by the neck and I’m done, stick a fork in me and I’m ready to be eaten. You probably could tie both of your hands behind your back and beat Thurman and me just with your stomach. Then you try to say that I talk too much trash. You say all I do is run my mouth. Well what the hell are you suppose to do in a promo? What, would it make you happier if I hosted a Martha Stewart style cook show or an advertisement on how to lose weight fast? In that case I would need to do that in my interviews for your benefit. It’s just such a shame that you are suppose to be a wrestler. Wrestlers are generally fit and athletic. Not out of shape junkies like you. You say you are the future. You say that you will be the next Cruiserweight champion. Talk is cheap son. The only thing that you can look forward to in the future is your overweight ass trying to make a living flipping burgers after you are fired from MCW do to your poor performances. No one would pay to see a slob like you compete in the ring. I said it once, and I’ll say it again, the main focus will be on me and Thurman, not you. So you can cry all you want. You can go to your momma and tell her how everyone has been treating you in MCW. There’s nothing you can do about it. You will continue to be booed and used as a target for throwing trash at. I feel sorry for you C4. Your days are being numbered. The clock is counting down. Before you know it, the day will come. On that day you will be completely destroyed. All your so-called training will go to waste. To help you out a little bit, I suggest that you stop by this little shop and buy you one of these treadmills, because your gonna need all you can get in order to get rid of that gut. Trust me, it’s pretty painful when you hit the mat with the extra weight from your stomach adding on to the force. It’s not a pretty sight. I sure hope this little machine will held you, because if you don’t get help soon, you will be out of luck come the pay per view.

(The Unknown then walks out of the store and continues his tour of the mall. He passes by the food court, heading towards the second section of the mall. He makes his way towards the Toys R Us and walks in. Unlike the previous store that the Unknown was in, this store appeared to be more spacious. Toys are lined up on shelves, and many bicycles are hung up on racks. The Unknown makes his way down the rows and rows of toys until he finally gets to the toddler section. He browsing the section, stopping in front of an electronic learning pad. He picks up the box and begins to read the words on it.)

Unknown: For ages 3 and under. This magnificent toy will teach your young child how to recognize letters, numbers, and colors. This product has be proven to be one of the best learning enhancement toys for toddlers.

(The Unknown puts the box back on the shelf, and looks into the camera.)

Unknown: It looks like they made that toy just for Thurman Skydiver, yep and I said Skydiver, and I meant to say Skydiver. Obviously the makers of this product were sick and tired of Thurman’s lack of intelligence. So as an ideal solution, they made this electronic play toy thingy. It can test Thurman in his skills of counting, learning the alphabet, and recognizing colors. Skydiver, you need to put this on your Christmas list, because it is apparent that you need this little toy. It is so ignorant of you to think that you will walk away the Champion at Hardcore Hell. It’s just a down right stupid thought. What makes you think you could beat me, yet along get past C4’s man eating gut. The odds are against you Thurman. First of all you are up against some tuff competition, which would be me, not me and C4. Then you are a lousy midcarder at that, cursed to stay one for the rest of your career. What makes you think you deserve to hang with the top dogs. If you can’t even beat me, what makes you think Mike would book you in a match with guys like Da Maniac and Scott. Why would Mike want to even take the chance of putting your career on the line by forcing you to be in a main event caliber match? That’s why he has set you aside as a midcarder, to let you entertain the crowd until it is time for the big matches. You’re just a little joker used for entertainment. You’re a puppet that is used to bring laughter to the many fans of MCW. People pay big bucks to see you get tossed around the ring like a rag doll. You’re the laughing stock of the whole WeWa connection. Thurman face it, you’re a nobody, and you’ll continue to be one for the rest of your life. So maybe, just maybe if you use this here electronic learning pad (pointing to the learning pad), you’ll learn something new, and hopefully be led in the right direction. If you refuse to take my advice, then just face the laughter for the rest of your life, starting on Thursday. Sure you’ll be cut. Sure you’ll bleed. Sure you will sweat. But worst of all you will cry. Not from the beating. Not from losing the match. But because of the many faces you will see laughing at you as you lay down in the center of the ring surrounded by your own blood.

(With a smile on his face, the Unknown picks up the electronic learning pad and takes it up to the check out counter. He buys the learning pad and heads out the store followed by the cameraman. He signals to the cameraman as the camera is cut off. )

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