Hmm.. -- The Posting School

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Date Posted: 12:30:33 06/15/02 Sat
Author: Badhbh
Subject: Hmm..
In reply to: Sapphire 's message, "People" on 17:22:56 06/14/02 Fri

You seem to be doing very well...especially for someone who has just started.
My first suggestion..and the one I personally use the most..is to read around at the other posts..find ones that are very good, and examine them to see what attracts you. Belladonna, in the Old Forest, for instance, seems to be exceptionally good..
That is just a general suggestion, my thoughts on your messages are below.
----
- Okay..First, I notice you post your name [Sapphire] instead of your character name in some of these messages. This can make it a bit confusing to people trying to figure out who you are. Just post the name of the character you are playing...forget about Sapphire unless you are talking to someone out of character (like here).

- Your writing is good, and you use alot of nice descriptive words...but things could be smoother. From what I see, you might be rushing through some of these posts.. and while the content is good, it could be arranged so that it is easier to read. For instance, you could combine some of your shorter sentences so that they continue the thought instead of stopping and starting..which makes it a bit choppy.

- Also a sign that you may be in a hurry, is some grammar errors. Now don't get me wrong..I am not picky at -all- about grammar, but there are some spots where you left out words..and if you just read over your post once before sending it in it would probably help. Also some spelling errors, absent punctuation and such..but the absence of words is the big one.

-----
Okay, lets take an example of your writing.. Look it over, and try to get an idea of what you could improve and then redo it and post it here.
Here is your post by Ivy....see what you can do with it!

[As she entered the icy cage of trees she shivered. She felt as though burning ice had been placed on the back of her neckGracefully her long skinny hands pulled her trench coat closer to her and her pounded as she entwinded her talented fingers in her butt lengh crimson hair. Slowly walked deeper into the drakness which lay before her]

Overall you are very good.. and I doubt you will have any problems improving as you become more experienced..

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Replies:

Great! -- Sapphire, 19:17:44 06/15/02 Sat
- My twenty cents -- Lenore, 00:02:58 06/16/02 Sun
- ..Decisions.. -- Badhbh, 13:55:45 06/16/02 Sun
  - badhbh and Lenore -- Sapphire, 13:46:07 06/18/02 Tue
    - Fine.. -- Badhbh, 15:25:21 06/18/02 Tue
      - I agree -- Lenore, 23:22:25 06/18/02 Tue
        Help -- Sapphire, 16:58:27 06/22/02 Sat
        Answers.. -- Badhbh Catha, 13:35:30 06/23/02 Sun
        Thanx -- Sapphire, 13:12:00 06/24/02 Mon
        Well.. -- Badhbh, 16:43:45 06/24/02 Mon
        Really? -- Sapphire, 11:52:36 06/25/02 Tue
        Q: -- Sapphire, 11:57:09 06/25/02 Tue
        Wait -- Badhbh, 14:50:37 06/25/02 Tue
        Probably. -- Sapphire, 14:44:11 06/26/02 Wed
        Okay.. -- Badhbh, 12:37:17 06/27/02 Thu
        yes -- Sapphire, 17:04:15 06/27/02 Thu
        thanx for the help -- Sapphire, 19:47:30 06/27/02 Thu
        Whoa.. -- Badhbh, 12:18:09 06/28/02 Fri
        K -- Sapphire, 16:06:40 07/01/02 Mon
        ~Explanations~ -- Badhbh Catha, 13:50:22 07/03/02 Wed
        no I don't think so... -- Sapphire, 17:42:48 07/03/02 Wed