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Date Posted: 02:10:16 05/17/04 Mon
Author: Mike K.
Subject: Your testimony
In reply to: ExUbferCincinnati 's message, "Re: Indoctrination" on 21:57:31 05/16/04 Sun

This led to a phase of depression where I honestly just wanted to hate God.
(...) So to be blunt I'm waiting for God to prove himself, because I want my joy with God back!

Dear Robert,
I can sympathize with you. What had happened was that through your time in UBF, you lost the vision of God which got you saved in the first place. In Galatians, Paul would state this "Who has bewitched you, before whose eyes Christ has been portrayed crucified?". This is what had happened to you in UBF.
What kind of God was portrayed to you? According to your testimony, it was not the slave-saviour man Jesus Christ who bore all suffering to free your soul, but much rather the King-ruler who has bought you as a slave and now demands that you sacrifice all for Him.
Indeed, none of the above pictures by themselves is all wrong, but neither are they complete.
The whole point of the Gospel could be summed up in the words of Jesus "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest". "Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls".
If you've come to a God who would not let you, ultimately, find rest for your souls, you have come to a God other than Jehovah, incarnated in the man Jesus.
Your expulsion from UBF did not let you find rest for your souls, so what happened was not under the hand of the one True God. The God whom you had devoted your life to in UBF was a false God, an idol.
And this was the God whom you learned from UBF. This was the God they showed you in the Bible: a hollow, unreal image of something that could not give you the rest for your soul. The God whom you found in UBF was always in a "I gave, so you give" relationship, whereas there's many genuine Christians who would testify that "you cannot outgive the Lord". They SAID so in UBF, as well, did they? But could they show you the God who will shower His grace upon all His sheep, in the basic sence of the word: unmerited favor? It seems to me like they showed you a God who doesn't give grace, but only merited favor and withdraws his favor from anyone who disobeys (to whatever).

Yes, it's okay for you to doubt in God if that was the God whom they showed to you. I'd also doubt in that God and any truly regenerated Christian who has a relationship with God and Jesus would also doubt in a God who doesn't give GRACE but only merited favors.

I would say, however, according to your own words that you don't doubt God, but you seriously doubt the God whose image was painted in your mind: through your imagination, through your time in UBF and through the UBF indoctrination.
Question THIS God, but don't question God, this would be my advice.
Just pray like this: "Lord, I've had so much concepts on what you are like, let me forget all that I knew and let me see you afresh like the day I first saw you and let me love you like on the first day". I am certain the Lord will answer this kind of prayer.

You know, I would say maybe the Lord was using your expulsion from UBF to reveal to you that you had a so-distorted imagination of who God really is that you NEEDED to question it. Maybe God couldn't work in your heart any more because your enjoyment of God was replaced with errands of duty, and God just couldn't see you suffer under the illusion of your "personal selfmade" God any more and wanted you to be able to drop the bonds of suffering.

This is totally regardless of UBF and any spiritual abuse that may have occurred to you there, if your relationship with Jesus goes from grace to duty, then it has gone sour.
If the Lord loves you, He won't let you bear this kind of sourness, because He wants to be sweet to you. And maybe the Lord just used your UBF shepherds to show you how far you had come from the true grace.

Just take it as a few words of encouragement.
In Christ,
Mike K.

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Replies:

Re: Your testimony -- Tony Lang, 01:28:06 05/20/04 Thu
- How should we name it? -- Chris, 03:49:10 05/20/04 Thu
  - No name vs Loaded Language -- Mike K., 07:28:23 05/20/04 Thu
  - Re: How should we name it? -- Tony Lang, 08:24:31 05/22/04 Sat
    - Re: How should we name it? -- Mike K., 09:55:21 05/22/04 Sat
      - Re: How should we name it? -- Chris, 11:57:24 05/22/04 Sat
      - Re: How should we name it? -- Tony Lang, 07:32:44 05/23/04 Sun
        Re: How should we name it? -- #, 08:07:18 05/23/04 Sun
        Okay, exaggerated -- Mike K., 08:23:45 05/23/04 Sun
        Re: Okay, exaggerated -- Chris, 09:28:06 05/23/04 Sun
        Re: Okay, exaggerated -- Mike K., 01:32:10 05/24/04 Mon
        ... putting an end to this -- Chris, 02:36:26 05/24/04 Mon
        Re: Okay, exaggerated -- TONY lANG, 08:11:36 05/24/04 Mon
        Peace -- Mike K., 10:01:52 05/24/04 Mon