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Wednesday, April 15, 12:42:25

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Subject: Re: On the fence Author: Pat [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 12/27/07 9:28pm In reply to: Teresa 's message, "On the fence" on 12/26/07 9:14pm Hi, Teresa, I am very glad you came. It sounds to me like the only reason you are considering abortion is because the father wants you to have one. He has NO RIGHT to make that demand of you. He took a chance. He can walk away from it, but you can't. I know you are concerned about financial situations. But it is obvious that it's not your choice to have an abortion. You have said you would be devastated. If you don't want an abortion, don't have one! I don't know if your faith is Christian or Jewish or not. If it is, then you know that babies are a gift from God, and they're made in God's image. This puts you in the position of considering whether or not to refuse God's gift, and attack His image. The consideration of having an abortion is at war with your faith. If you are Muslim, you already know that abortion is wrong as well. If I were you, I'd tell the father it isn't his decision to make, it's yours. Your baby is depending on you for your protection. Please protect your baby! To deal with the financial problems, there are a couple of possibilities. At some point you will have to make a decision between two courses of action, but at the moment is not the time to make this decision. I'm talking about whether to place your baby for adoption, or to parent your baby yourself. Just know that there are options that will allow you to protect your baby and provide for him or her. Even though the thing you have investigated is expensive, it's not the only possibility. Caring for a baby isn't all that expensive. You probably have to work, so you think you need to have day care. But there may be other options for both thoughts. If you want to parent, there are places where you can get help. Go to www.pregnancycenters.org and look for a crisis pregnancy agency in your area. They can and will help you find the financial answers you need. There are many programs available. Commit yourself to not taking any more risks. Unless I miss my guess, having taken the risk in the forst place is also against your faith. If you now make the decision to take care of your baby, you will have a worthwhile occupation. Your boyfriend is just a user. No woman should be asked to put herself at risk for such a life-changing event just so a man can have some pleasure. For you, how does 15 minutes of pleasure weigh enough to take that kind of chance? I tell women that water-skiing is a wonderful sport, that it is good and right. But only a fool would try to water-ski in the dead of winter, because if you fall in the water, you can become seriously ill. There is a time and a place to water-ski. In the same way, taking the risk of pregnancy is a wonderful thing if done at the time and place to do so. You deserve to be in a relationship with a man who will commit to you and cherish you before you take that chance. Anybody who asks you to take that chance outside of a committed relationship is a user. Maybe you approached him. In that case, he has the responsibility to refuse. I hope this makes sense. In the meantime, you have a baby. The idea that you think of the baby you will hold and care for is a common idea, and perfectly normal and all right. The baby you are carrying will be that older child someday. What you are carrying now isn't some strange creature, but a very young child, with whom you have already bonded, though you may not be consciously aware of it. I think on one level you are, because you don't want to harm your baby. You have time to prepare. We will help you and stand by you. Feel free to come here any time you need to talk. We love you both. I hope this helps. Hugs, Pat [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Re: On the fence Author: Shellie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/28/07 4:01pm Hi Teresa, I'm back to share my thoughts with you. First of all, I want you to know that being confused is such a normal part of an unplanned pregnancy. It's scary--especially when you are faced with doing it alone. I know, I've been there. And I think wanting out of it is just plain normal. It's normal to want things to go back how they were. But abortion does not do that. You can't make it so that you never were pregnant. And from your message I get the feeling you would indeed regret having an abortion. It's important to know that although early pregnancy is a time of panic and confusion, most women in an unplanned pregnancy come to not only accept their pregnancy, they come to look forward to meeting their little one. A lot happens in those 9 months. And there are stages we go through. One of the best stages is when you start to fall in love with your unborn baby. This love has a lot of power to motivate you to make changes, inspire you make better choices, and gives you the determination you need to make it work. Give yourself the opportunity to reach this point (a much better stage than what you're experiencing at the moment). Don't be like so many others who acted out of panic and are now left with guilt and regret. I know it's scary, but you will see that you CAN do it, and that it's worth it. I was a single mom for a few years before I married a great man who is a wonderful father. Although being a single mom has its hard parts, I found that we made it just fine. And remember; you won't be alone forever (unless you choose to be). There are men out there who will cherish you AND your child. And if you're like me, having a child will make you much better at choosing a partner. I wanted only the very best for my little boy! As far as the baby's father goes, he may change his mind later. But don't let him force you into aborting. It's YOU who would have to get on that table and let the doctor enter YOUR body and detach the child from YOU. Women have a lot more problems with guilt and regret because they are the ones who have to go through it. Don't let him guilt you into it. Men will tell the woman that they are ruining their lives by not aborting. But it's the women who have aborted for a man who are the ones I see with a "ruined" life. Living with guilt and regret isn't easy. I hope you avoid it. Please keep us up to date. Post here as often as you want. I know this is a very scary time for you. Take care, Shellie

[> [> Subject: Re: On the fence Author: luka [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/30/07 5:56pm Wow Shellie what a great post! It is so concise in explaining what happens in unplanned pregnancies particularly this part ~ being confused is such a normal part of an unplanned pregnancy. It's scary--especially when you are faced with doing it alone. I know, I've been there. And I think wanting out of it is just plain normal. It's normal to want things to go back how they were. But abortion does not do that. You can't make it so that you never were pregnant. And from your message I get the feeling you would indeed regret having an abortion. God if only i realised before having the abortions i had had. It goes to show that the confusion of early pregnancy particularly unplanned ones can make you do enormously foolish things. I knew from experience and yet i did it again only to be left with this intense searing regret. Its the emptiest most dreadful feeling having an abortion. Nobody is saying there aren't plenty of reasons not to want to go ahead with a pregnancy but there is only one reason not to have an abortion. The crux of it is that there is a living forming human being inside of you, YOUR OWN CHILD. You can't get around that fact. You are ending his or her life, completely annilating their future taking their life. (what sort of person doesn't love their own child?) You can't errase it. And it will be devestatingly apparent after the abortion should you go through with it. I would say to anyone considering abortion that it's not a quick fix. It's a life long burden of guilt and regret for most. You can learn to acept your decison because you have to but it's allways on your conscience and you allways wonder about that baby that could have been , should have been, particularly if you go on to have more. I have so many regrets in my life they are heavy to carry around with you. Just think about it ladies this is serious stuff.