Scared and Alone -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject: Scared and Alone

Author:
Jennifer (sad)

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Date Posted: 11/19/08 7:54am

I recently just found out that I am pregnant. I have been dating a man who does not love me for the past year and who has never taken me to meet his mother. I am afraid to tell him that I am pregnant, but I know I have to. He does not want kids right now, at least not with me. He says that I do not meet his standards in what he wants in a woman. Needless to say, I have stronger feelings that he does for me, and I know telling him will eventually push him farther away from me. I did not plan this pregnancy, and am all alone with no one to help me after the child is born, if I do choose to keep it. I can hardly support myself. Is there anyone out there who can give me some good advice?

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Replies:

[> Subject: Re: Scared and Alone

Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 11/19/08 2:50pm

Hi, Jennifer,

Women who have sex bond with the man for hormonal reasons, so your feelings are not surprising. Men don't have that kind of hormonal reaction.

It sounds to me like you are with a loser, and the sooner you tell him to get lost, the better. Don't try to hang onto him. It won't work. He may try to get you to have an abortion. He will do this either by badgering you, forcing you physically, or abandoning you. If you have one, it's almost certainly all over anyway. Get rid of him before he causes you to harm yourself and your baby. You deserve someone better. Make yourself free so it can happen. If you DO this, whether or not you tell him is up to you. If you think it would be possible to get child support, you are entitled to it, but I don't know if you want to go through what you will have to endure to get it, and he could get visitation or even custody. Your baby can be used to harm your well being by such a man. He has been using you in the first place.

There is help available. Please go here:

pregnancycenters.org

Find a pregnancy center near you. They will help you with counseling, financial resources, medical care, and possibly with help to find a better job. Let us know what your specific needs are. We can offer suggestions.

Please take care of yourself and your baby. Abortion is dangerous, and it will destroy your baby. Your baby is depending on you for your protection. Please protect your baby.

We will be praying for you.

Hugs,
Pat

[> Subject:

Re: Scared and Alone

Author:
Shellie
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Date Posted: 11/19/08 2:55pm

Hi Jennifer,

Thanks so much for posting here. I'm sorry to hear that you're with a man who does not love you. If this man is not willing to commit to you and love his child, perhaps it's time to move on. We all deserve to be loved. I know this advice is not going to make you feel good. No one wants to leave someone they love, and the idea of raising a child alone is just plain scary. However, you can never make someone love you. If this man is willing to give you up if you have his baby, then he's not worth having and would eventually leave you, anyway.

Being a single mother isn't easy, but it is doable. There are many programs out there that will help you. Please visit your local pregnancy resource center. They will refer you to any resources you can benefit from. And keep in mind that there is a man out there who will love you AND your child! And you and your child deserve that kind of man!

Having an abortion isn't a simple thing that is over when the surgery is over. It's a lifetime of knowing that you ended you're child's existence. There is pain, guilt, and many times regret involved. If you stay with your boyfriend and abort your pregnancy to keep him, it's likely you'll resent him. And when he finally moves on from a woman he doesn't love, how will you feel? I want to urge you to not abort in order to keep this man. A man who loves you will stay even through an unplanned pregnancy. A man who doesn't love you will eventually leave, no matter what. This is your baby; I hope you welcome him or her into your life.

It's okay to not be overjoyed. It's normal to not want an unplanned pregnancy at first. It's normal to be overwhelmed with worry about how you will make it. I've been through this; I know how scary it is. You're stronger than you think. You can do it.

This will be the true test about your boyfriend's love for you. Tell him about the pregnancy. Then give him time to absorb the news before you take what he says to heart. He will most likely not be happy at first. That is just normal. However, if after some time he tells you to abort I hope you don't take his advice. Where will this man be 10 years from now when you're still regretting the abortion you had? Most likely he'll be raising a child with some other woman, and you'll be mourning the death of yours.

Stay strong. Please post often. We are here for you.

Hugs,

Shellie