Re: Can't decide? -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject: Re: Can't decide?

Author:
Heather

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Date Posted: 01/10/08 10:28pm
In reply to: stephanie 's message, "Re: Can't decide?" on 01/10/08 10:47am

Stephanie,

Wow, what an unpleasant surprise that must have been; I'm so sorry. I can't really understand why your mother would say that either, unless she's just stressed for you and her grandchildren and not thinking too clearly.

I think, I would hope, in her clearer thoughts she'd know that your children wouldn't possibly want you to kill your newest arrival, their sibling, or think that you were 'selfish' for having him or her. As a mother to four myself, I know children are pretty immune a lot of the time to the stressors we adults consider. My guess is that they will be thrilled with the idea of a new brother or sister.

You know you're not alone in hearing extremely unhelpful venting from a loved one at this time. It happens all the time, whether the loved one is a spouse, parent, or well meaning friend or family member.

Sometimes people get caught up with their own concerns and forget to truly consider what would be in your best interest.

And in thinking of you, Stephanie, for a moment aside from the little one you're carrying, I just can't see how it would be in your best interest to ask you to go against your instincts and terminate the life inside you. Financial woes
are a dime a dozen,as are misgivings about not being ready for a baby, but the grief that can come from feeling pressured into making a choice you find anything but liberating can last a lifetime.

I'm sure your mother loves you, and you may be hearing from her again with a toned down perspective, who know. I think her original response was probably correct. But regardless I think it would be a good thing for you to come to terms with your own choices, and not feel as though you have to make one to please anyone else. Ultimately, they are not the ones who will be living with the results.

Hang in there Stephanie; we're pulling for you!

With Kindness,

Heather

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[> [> Subject: Re: Can't decide?

Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 01/11/08 1:11am

Stephanie, I am so sorry your mother is treating you this way.

It's wrong for other people to pressure you to go against your maternal instincts.

Most parents will be upset at first when they learn their daughter is pregnant under circumstances such as yours. Most of them get past it. You have to give them time.

I pray that God will comfort you and dry your tears. Follow your heart. Make sure you are taking your prenatal vitamins, and try to get enough rest. It's no good crying all the time. You can get past this. Take one day at a time. Tell the crisis pregnancy agency what you are going through. I'm sure they have some books that will comfort you. Also, read the Psalms. Other people have been through times of dark depression, and I think they will help.

We are praying for you, and we love all of you, including your new little one.

Hugs,
Pat