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Wednesday, April 15, 19:22:26

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Subject: did I make the right decision? Author: Dixie [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 03/13/07 6:08pm I really need some advice. I'm 29. Divorced with 3 great kids already. I've been seeing this older guy for almost 2 years. It turns out I'm pregnant. I'm 6 months now. I was already 3 months when I found out the news. He is adamant that he DOESNOT want this baby. He has taken me to an abortion clinic twice. Both times I could not bring myself to go in. He is great with my kids and I thought maybe he just needed to get used to the idea. Now he's realized that it's too late for abortion and he is really taking it out on me. He still calls, but won't come around. My kids miss him. I miss him. I'm a mom and I knew in my heart I couldn't kill this baby. I have too many relatives that are longing for children that can't have any. I thought if it came down to it, I'd rather give it up for adoption. Is there anything that I could say or do to change his mind about the baby? [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Re: did I make the right decision? Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 03/13/07 8:03pm Hi, Dixie, This story is so common! This man doesn't have the right to order you to have an abortion. That's your decision. I think you made the right one, personally. I can understand a man wanting to protect his child, but I'm afraid the idea that a man would want any woman to undergo such a thing is totally beyond my comprehension. What you are finding out is whether or not this is a man you really want to share your life with (in the short term or the long term). Is he doing anything other than neglecting you? Some guys don't relate to their child for quite awhile. They usually need to see some evidence, such as changes in the mother's body, or feel movement, or hear a heartbeat, or see an ultrasound. For some guys, it doesn't really "click" until the baby is born. So be patient with him, but don't expect a particular reaction. Invite him to the birth if you want, or to see the baby when she or he is born. But ultimately, it will have to be up to him. Better to find out if he is truly a decent guy before you get even more invested in him. Because you have a baby together, you do have a bond, and this has to be rough on you. We will be here for you. Just take a day at a time, let him know quietly that all the manipulation isn't going to work. He will just have to get used to it. I would agree with you it is better to give up the baby for adoption than to kill him or her, but since you already have three, you know you can manage, so let your heart be your guide. I am so glad you are strong enough to know your own mind, and we support you all the way. Hugs, Pat

[> [> Subject: Re: did I make the right decision? Author: Dixie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 04/ 2/07 7:17am Thanks to all you for your answering. I am happy with my decision to have this baby. My guy has somewhat come to terms with the idea.....I think. He went from trying to get me to drink and to have an abortion to the exact opposite....He doesn't want to take me anywhere....He still comes around, but we don't go around his family or friends. His family does know now and they are excited about the new baby. I found out from his sister that his ex-wife had 2 abortions. Apparently, they were both without his consent and that really hurt him. She couldn't understand why he would want to go through it again. I guess I can't expect a miracle with him. I guess time will tell. Hugs, Dixie

[> [> [> Subject: Re: did I make the right decision? Author: Shellie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 04/ 2/07 2:21pm Hi Dixie, Thanks for checking in and letting us know how you're doing. I'm happy that your boyfriend is no longer pressuring you to abort. I'm sure that makes things easier. But I hope he soon gives you the support you truly deserve. And there is a good chance that he will. Guys usually need more time to fall in love with their unborn children. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Post as often as you like. I love to hear the updates and continue to offer support throughout your pregnancy--and beyond. Take care, Shellie

[> Subject: Re: did I make the right decision? Author: Heather [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 03/15/07 4:16pm I think you made an excellent decision; the one you can live with and be at peace with yourself. If you have walked out on the abortion table twice already, that speaks volumes about where your heart is and isn't. I'm so glad you were able to withstand the pressure. In hindsight it will be a fleeting time of difficulty overcoming that, but the regret that often plagues women who weren't able to stave off the pressure and made the choice to abort their baby when their heart told them otherwise lasts a lifetime. I don't know, obviously, whether or not your man will come around. The odds seem to favor that he will once your son/daughter is born. But if he doesn't, it seems to me that a woman strong enough to know that she couldn't kill her baby simply because he/she was unplanned is probably also strong enough to see that his unwillingness to support you in your choice communicates that he might not be the ideal person for you. I hope it turns out for the best! I'm glad you found this forum. There's not much hear that isn't understandable and/or relatable. With Kindness, Heather

[> Subject: Re: did I make the right decision? Author: Donna [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 03/16/07 2:00pm Hi, I think you've definetly made the right decision for you and your baby. I just can't understand why a man thinks they can so easily just drive women to the abortion clinic and think everythings gonna be alright... If he feels the way he does, I don't think there's really anything you can say or do to make him feel differently. I think that time and circumstances are what it's gonna take. Maybe not saying anything at all to him will speak louder than any words you could scream could. Maybe feeling as tho he is loosing you..will make him think about things in a different light. The fact that you are already a mom , you knew exactly what you would be missing had you gone thru with the abortion. I'm so happy that you chose life for your little one. I wish you the very best and I pray things turn out the way you want them to for you and your baby. Blessings, Donna

[> Subject: Re: did I make the right decision? Author: Melanie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 04/ 5/07 6:44pm Hi Dixie, You made the right decision. Your baby's father is the one who is making bad choices here. It sounds like he's coming around a bit, so hopefully with time he will be wondering how he could have been so foolish. Wait till he holds his baby for the first time.

[> Subject: Re: did I make the right decision? Author: Nikki [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 04/24/07 9:48am My boyfriend was the same way when I found out we were having a baby together. He wanted me to have an abortion, but I told him I was keeping the baby with or without him. I think you made the right decision. Give him time, maybe when you get further along and he feels the baby move, or when he sees him/her for the first time. That's what it took for Paul to finally come around. If not, then you really don't want him around... But I wish you luck.

[> [> Subject: Re: did I make the right decision? Author: dixie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 04/24/07 7:20pm Thanks everyone. as of right now, He has started to come around. He does consider it to be a baby now. His family is showing interest in the new little one. So they might have an affect on him as well. He says he won't go to the hospital with me when the time comes, but I guess I can't ask for everything all at once. But I'll keep you posted. Hugs, Dixie

[> Subject: Re: did I make the right decision? Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 04/24/07 8:40pm Hi, Dixie! I stopped by and saw your message. I agree with everyone you made the right decision. A woman shouldn't have an abortion if she has any doubts at all because abortion is forever. I don't know whether your boyfriend will come around, but I'd say the odds are in favor that he will. Please keep us posted! We're anxious to hear that your boyfriend is supporting you. Hugs, Pat