| Subject: Re: Need advice! |
Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 06/ 8/07 7:05pm
In reply to:
Jennifer
's message, "Need advice!" on 06/ 8/07 8:55am
Jennifer,
Your heart is sending you a message. Please listen to your heart. You will have to live with your decision. No one else will. Your boyfriend is trying to coerce you. In our experience, a relationship is more likely to break up (by far) if the mother has an abortion. He has shown you he can't be depended on. He had a duty to protect and cherish you, and all he wants to do is coerce you to let someone do grave harm to your body and your spirit. Abortion is dangerous, and it can cause serious trauma and alienation from yourself and others. It isn't worth it. It sounds like you can count on your family for support. So you are not totally alone, and you should think long and hard because abortion is forever. You can't take it back. So many women agonize, and wish they could.
I met a woman several years ago who said she never wanted to be a mother. She was already in her second trimester. I tried to talk her out of having an abortion, but she went ahead with it. She became suicidal several times afterward, and she just about scared the heck out of me! I stayed up all night one night, together with another woman, talking to her so she would not take her own life. Interestingly, she once asked, "I have been a mother. Can anyone take that away from me?" We assured her that they couldn't. We kept in touch. She was never able to put her life back together, though she is doing better now. But she had hoped to marry the father, and that won't happen. About a year ago, she wrote me and said, "There is a woman at work who thinks she's pregnant and she said if she is, she will have an abortion. PLEASE talk her out of it! My abortion ruined my life!"
So there you have it. Someone who never wanted to be a mother says her abortion was a huge mistake.
You already are a mother. The question is not whether you will be one, but whether you will be the mother of a live baby or a dead one. If you can't face motherhood, you can choose adoption. If you tell me that you could never give up a baby, that tells me that you are looking for a permanent solution to a temporary problem, because you know you will come to love this baby.
Don't worry about letting people down. Make a decision you can live with. People are there who are willing to help and support you, and we will be here for you.
Hugs,
Pat
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