| Subject: Re: Help!!! Single, pregnant and 40. |
Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 03/14/07 6:44pm
In reply to:
Beth
's message, "Help!!! Single, pregnant and 40." on 03/14/07 9:50am
Hi, Beth,
Let me see if I understand the situation correctly.
All these people are telling you that you should get an abortion because, yada, yada, yada, and you think they have your best interests at heart? Hmmm.
Let's examine each of these, if I may. You have two children, aged 10 and 12, who are old enough to help you with the baby. And it would be GOOD for them to do so, because they will learn to help others. And that's their sibling you're carrying. There has been some pretty conclusive evidence that having an abortion impairs a woman's mothering skills. And either the children will know or figure out about the abortion, in which case they'll always wonder subconsciously if you'll get rid of them if they don't measure up, or they'll feel survivor guilt. Why do people think it will be hard on your kids? Because they'll have to help? Well, we raised seven children, and they are very close, and they REALLY help each other. I am so proud of them! So I guess I find it hard to understand why anyone would offer that as an excuse to get an abortion. And what if the abortion causes you serious harm so you can't take care of your other two anymore?
What about your job? Are you a valuable employee? Then why would they want to fire you? And if they do, isn't that discrimination? And maybe you could find a better job, with someone who treats you like a human being. What if you have to work reduced hours? Well, they still have a valuable employee who can be an asset even on fewer hours, right? And if not, there are different ways babies can be taken care of. Do you have day care at work? Will they let you bring the baby to work? Some people will. We used to allow it, when we had a company. The only problem we ran into is that an employee refused to discipline her child, but since it's important to discipline a child anyway, that doesn't make any sense, and if the child had been disciplined, I don't see why there would be a problem. Take a playpen to work, and some toys, and when the baby gets older, keep your door closed and let the baby play on the floor. There are different ways to deal with this. You don't have to submit to an abortion (which is really a deep invasion of your body) because of something like that.
What about meeting someone else? Well, wouldn't you want someone who would treat you right? What do you think such a person will think if you don't treat your baby right? Maybe he'll accept it, maybe not. What if you don't feel you can tell him? Won't that drive a wedge in your trust of each other? It depends, too, on how you go about meeting someone. There are a lot of places you can go to meet someone. Maybe at work, or at church, or at a folk dance club, or some other interest where you are with people. Or maybe the grocery store. Who knows? Do the right thing, and let that problem take care of itself. Your kids can take care of your baby while you have a little time with people once a week. Lots of single mothers have met and married a fine man who was a father to their children in all the ways that matter, and we have several of them right here!
What will you tell your kids? That you're having a baby, and they'll be having a sibling!
So being unmarried isn't the best circumstance in the world. But why compound that with something that is wrong and harmful? Lots of women have been unmarried and had the courage to have their babies, and in the end, things worked out. We have a grandson whose parents aren't married, and I love all three of them deeply. When I first met her, I thanked her for having our grandson and for letting him be a part of our lives. The whole family accepts her; she is made to feel welcome, and she always comes to family get-togethers. I even got to babysit him for the Christmas party, and it was wonderful!
An abortion is a deep invasion of your body. It is dangerous and can seriously harm or kill you. Your baby is already fully formed, just tiny. If you could see your baby, you'd probably see a family resemblance! And your baby is depending on you for your protection. Please protect your baby.
Yes, you can do it. It may require some creativity on your part, but there are people out there who are willing to stand by you and help you. Go to a crisis pregnancy agency. They can help you find solutions for the financial problems. While actually having the baby COULD be expensive, they can help out there. Actually raising the baby doesn't have to be expensive at all. A baby mostly needs food, love, a place to sleep, and clothing. Breastfeeding is really cheap, and it's best anyway. There are places that will help with diapers; there may be one in your area. You may already have many of the other things you need, but if not, the agency can help you with that. We bought almost exclusively used clothing for our kids, and they still do that to some extent, now that they are grown. I actually prefer used clothing because the selection is better and more interesting and I can't see paying the ridiculous prices they charge for new clothes. And the agency can also help you with clothes.
So if you don't want to have an abortion, don't have one! Tell everyone it's YOUR decision, and you have made up your mind. If they persist, just keep repeating yourself. Eventually they'll leave you alone. Have courage. Take one day at a time. You CAN do it. After all, you're already raising two!
Other people don't have to live with your decision. You do. Follow your heart. You will never regret it.
Hugs,
Pat
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