Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 02/17/07 5:21pm
Hi, Deb,
I am SO glad you came!
If you don't want an abortion, don't have one! You are concerned about it being unfair to bring a child into the world without a father. It would be equally unfair (or more so) to harm your child because of this! The father is a jerk; don't punish your child for his irresponsibility.
Your friends may or may not be being supportive because they really think that is what you ought to do. A lot of women will try to support whatever decision you make and will try not to tell you how they personally feel. That doesn't mean you should let them make the decision for you. Listen to your heart! You will have to live with your decision, so make one you can live with.
Your baby already has a heartbeat, fingers, eyes, feet, and brainwaves. By the time you have your abortion scheduled, your baby's body will be complete, though he or she will still be very small. Your baby needs your protection. Please protect your baby.
Let's talk a minute about the issue of not having a daddy for your child at this point. I will give you several examples. We have two adopted children, and five we grew ourselves. The older adopted child has chosen to mentor three children of a single mother because there is no father. It has been a wonderful arrangement. They're not romantically involved or anything, he just spends time with them. They are growing up well. Another example is that of our younger adopted son. He slept with a woman and their affair lasted three weeks. She became pregnant. He insisted on a paternity test, and when it turned out to be his, he became a wonderful father. And not only that, but I am SO HAPPY she had our grandson, and I told her so. He has extended family: there are two uncles and an aunt in town, and one cousin, and we, his grandparents, and we get together as a family. Your family wouldn't understand if you had an abortion, so there is a very good chance you will have a similar experience. You may think that isn't a possibility, and maybe it isn't. However, men usually react to pregnancy differently from women. They don't really connect with the pregnancy until they can see evidence for themselves. This might be an ultrasound, hearing the heart beat, feeling movement, seeing changes in your body. Some don't connect until birth. But many do come around, and you can't rule that out. Give him a chance; be patient. And it is always possible that when you think about it, you won't want him as the father anyway. Anybody can be a sperm donor. It takes a real man to be a father.Another thing is that there are a number of women here and on other discussions I participate in who had a baby in just your circumstances, and a couple of years later married a wonderful man who became a daddy to their children. And there is another woman who participates sometimes who was a single mother, and she finished her education, got a good job, and bought a house and she is doing splendidly, even though she's not married and her baby's father isn't part of the picture.
I agree there is a reason why you have been given this child. You have also been given a second chance. And there is always the possibility this is the only other child you will ever conceive. You may not find out for a long time why you have been given this child to love and protect. Eventually, you will.
Hang in there. Take one day at a time. You CAN do it. You are a lot stronger than you think! And other people have given you some excellent resources.
I met one woman who was considering abortion. She wanted to go to a particular college. She had a daughter she had placed for adoption. She was in touch with the adoptive family. After talking to me, she decided to have her baby, and eventually decided to parent him. The adoptive mother of her daughter mentored her, and now that her baby is here, her two children play together regularly. She also became an advocate for mothers who choose adoption, and she is known nationally. You can Google her site by using the word "lifemothers". She says of her son, "Isaiah is the miracle I didn't know I needed." No, she didn't go to college, at least not to the one she hoped to attend. But she has a thriving photography business, and is doing very well.
You will be in our prayers. Come back any time. We're here for you!
Hugs,
Pat
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