Author:
Heather
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Date Posted: 09/27/06 2:21pm
Hi Amz,
Welcome to the forum?
Life's not easy, is it? I hear in your post not just the immediate stress of an unplanned pregnancy but the overall stress of life in finances, caring for the little girl you have (even good stress is stress!) and the difficulty in telling your family/friends about your last baby which indicates to me that you may have some people out there that would just about think you were 'crazy' if you had another child so soon. Add to that relationship stress and exhaustion that most parents of young children experience and it's no wonder to me why you find yourself a little confused about what's 'best' right now.
Since you asked for experiences, here's mine. My husband and I have four children, now aged 8,7,6 and 4. Only our first one was planned. The others came much closer than we'd intended. Our two daughters in the middle are only 1 year and 2 days apart; I got pregnant when the one was only 3 mos old! The older two are 14 mos apart.
Though each unplanned pregnancy was met with the same mix of natural joy at discovering another miracle had taken place and sheer dread and intense apprehension about what the timing of it would mean consequentially, things have worked out just fine. Like you, we were completely broke for the first three children and now are financially stable but certainly not rich.
But as one of the other women referenced, they get along so well now and entertain each other. Not only does this help me out practically in that they keep one another cheerfully occupied, it is just so adorable and gratifying to watch them. Their little friendships are precious, and I know they will be very close as adults. We have one son (the eldest) and three daughters.
So that's been my experience. My opinion is that the circumstances surrounding an unplanned pregnancy are always temporary, but abortion is permanent. I tend to weight the choice to end another human life from that grid. I know quite a few women who've had abortions and deeply regretted it, but none that chose to keep their baby instead of aborting them due to circumstances that have wound up regretting the choice to do so.
Do you have a support system for yourself? Despite what others may think, being pro-choice also means you have the right, if you want, to have another baby even if it doesn't 'seem' like the right time (how the heck do we ever know, anyway?) I empathize with this because my parents thought I was just completely insane to have four children back to back. And I heard quite a bit about it at first, but now they are just thrilled with their grandchildren and think it all worked out best timing wise afterall.
So if you have people in your life who will love you, support you and respect you no matter what you decide to do that would be a plus. Don't forget to take good care of yourself in general by getting as much extra rest and good nutrition as you can. It will be easier to think and see clearly with a well rested body.
Lastly, please feel more than welcome to come post anytime. This is such a great place for decompressing, and you will be respected regardless of what you decide. I hope you'll consider the less violent options of either adoption or adjusting to another child, though. Abortion is almost as bad for women as it is for the baby killed by it, in my opinion. Just don't listen to the idea that you don't have any other choice. Many times we're given situations in life that require thinking outside the box. Give yourself time to think and adjust; it's a big choice.
With Kindness,
Heather
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