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[> [> [> [> [> Re: spend your lifetime trying to wash away. -- Julian Emberson, 18:11:10 04/24/02 Wed

"How sweet," Julian smirked, unmade hair flopping over his eyes due to the run the of wind behind, in front and about him. He crouched his face lower inside his sweater, inhaling the new scent. It smelled like what he pegged the forest air would give off. "You think I'm desirable?" His brow rose, jokingly but remotely serious. The thought was floating around until Sean had touched him. Sean had touched him. In a fleeting expression of worry, a million questions ran through Julian's mind in a millisecond.

What was going on? Had he gone too far? Was this real to Sean? Was it real to him?

But it left him just as Sean's warmth slid off his own. He could almost feel the unallowed skin touch his own, in the fragile and forbidden way it had always been known to be. The danger was like a shock, rousing something in his head, in his... well, in many places other than what you'd think. His fingertips regained feeling from the simple touch. The words uttered nearly evaded him, but he heard it with surprised clarity. "'I need you'?" Julian asked, his smirk painted with an obvious query. "What about your boyfriend? At least I loved something inanimate." He haughtily stuck his tongue out at Sean, the tingling sensation of the previous contact.

How did this come to? It was only for a few minutes, and now he had abandoned every prison he'd put on his temptations. It wasn't for his reputation, actually... being gay didn't bother him to the least bit. He wasn't even gay. He wasn't anything, as far as things were concerned. Love was blind. He loved who he loved. But this... a lame excuse for a conversation, a few playful hints, and it had come to some point where he knew he could actually feel something for him. Anything. Why hadn't this happened with Celeste? With any beautiful girl? Why had it happened with Sean?

He didn't even know Sean, at least not enough to make the final decisions he made about people. He had one for everybody who had ever dared to approach him, or reply to him. In a way, he knew Sean. The way he moved, with a clumsy grace. The way he talked, with his strange analogies and dramatic, often short-sighted, exclamations. The way he tried to hide and tried to be so innocent. In this way, he reminded Julian of himself. But Sean was different. Sean hadn't done anything wrong, really, and the naivete that he carried drew Julian to want to know how it felt to feel like that. To be guilty. He wanted to hold complete innocence in his arms.

"That's awful rude, saying that about your new lover. Even I would treat him better." Julian sneered, but then smiled again, laughing out loud. He continued on doing so until he tired of it, returning his attention back to the ocean. "My god, I don't think I've ever talked about anything as nonsensical as this at all."

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[> [> [> [> [> [> and in the same moment trying not to drown... -- sean terris, 19:21:14 04/24/02 Wed

Bottom lip is captured and gnawed upon, yet an additional one of his bizarre oddities that implies at disquiet that wouldn’t be revealed any other way. “I wouldn’t say something I don’t mean.” He announces, temporarily alarmed at the fact that loiters in his voice, suggesting at the authenticity that is only instants from being uncovered. His eyes are swiveled in a sarcastic method, smiling childishly once again. “Well I had to get some sort of rebound device and he was available…he’d understand if I just wanted to be friends.” He declares, nodding in a technique that appears nearly too enthusiastic. He rapidly extracts from that advance, and chuckles tenderly, astonished that it doesn’t sound as fried and worried as he suffers deep within himself.

He is passed pretending and concealment, and in a split second of flaw craving flutters across his countenance, longing to experience liberation and no longer imprison the emotions that he undergoes, desire to be acquainted with the accuracy about his opinion and how people in actuality think about him. Diffidence is in addition in attendance, but that is just as rapid to vanish underneath a disguise of laughter and a mock-serious nod is given. “Oh…well, I’ve had stranger conversations…you should try convincing balloons that the bricks are out to get them.” He affirms in a burst of restless lunacy that is there to shelter the terror that surges all around him, caressing the ends of his fingertips and taunting his toes. He thinks it’s ridiculous! TOLD YOU SO! He thrusts away the contemplation vehemently, and once more discovers a division of his sinister identity being heaved back into the cavern, only to be restricted for so long.

He smiles sarcastically at the initial remark, the one completed previous to his temporary freak out. “Aw…Lobo knows what I think about him and his insanity, don’t you boy?” He inquires, gazing down at the dog with another one of those loving, indisputable smiles. At least there was one person in his crowd that he didn’t have to perform around. He, nevertheless, felt like shrinking up underneath a boulder and vanishing, by no means to be perceived ever again. But of course, there was no sympathy for the unfortunate boy, and he lingered where he was, hastily feeling bare and unprotected, as though he had just uncovered his most concealed undisclosed to Julian, and in a way…he had.

The means that his boy’s body goes taut and slackens, Lobo might have commenced to agonize about him undergoing a seizure, should he possess acquaintance of such a thing. With a fleeting look at the teenager he sighs softly, ascending back upon his haunches to get an enhanced outlook of the other two, perceiving his name enough to make him question what they are actually conversing about. With a wallop of his tail he permits pink tongue to stroke his master’s fingers, slanting his skull to depict that gorgeous appearance that all German Shepherds can acquire whenever they want to.

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: seems we've got the answers, but no explanations. -- Julian Emberson, 22:25:29 04/24/02 Wed

Julian stares tenderly at the sight of Sean and Lobo, a slight tremor of uneasy envy at their bond. He knew how such a bond was sacred, and how decrepit it could make you to be pulled away. But one had to be strong. He rose from the rocks as Sean spoke, shedding his Stanford sweater and Prada shirt into the sea of sand below him, leaving himself comfortable with only his loose Gaultiers, now rolled up over his knees hanging loosely upon his slender hips, thin arms draped casually against his side, swaying with the slow blows of the wind. He reaches out to ruffle Sean's hair, easy chuckles a symphony on his lips. "I thought we were already," He was soberly aware of his justified assumption, the feeling of total trust overwhelming him. But he couldn't let that happen. Not on the degree it was asking to be given.

Julian grinned and destroyed what idyll Sean's hair was wallowing in, running out and wildly cheering, body swinging 'round and 'round until Julian fell onto the wet sand, sides breaking from his incessant tittering inbetween revelling the nothing. In short, he was just being weird and running across the beach, shouting and laughing until he'd fallen down and left to break himself. It would have almost been truly funny, except that the cold bit Julian, the sun unable to stretch further to him.

He laid back, half his body sitting on the ocean-soaked, gurgling sand, and the other sprawled onto the sun-baked lissom behind him.

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> the explanations shall come with time.. -- sean terris, 15:10:59 04/25/02 Thu

A smile leisurely extends across the lips of the boy and a chuckle is fast to pursue the progression, eyes once more flickering with an pleased glow. Emotions are yet again protected even when Julian performs the prohibited and comes into contact with him like he had flawed in doing to him. His lips arch into a teasing grin, not quite a smirk as he budges his cranium out of the 'assaulting' digits. “Don’t touch the due man!” He cries teasingly, generally because his locks are uncontrollable and a smidgen extended, his bangs practically obscuring his eyes. He returns the motion, but in the place of tousling the hair a wisp is seized and tugged humorously before the boy can go on his bizarre, sprinting storm. “Of course we are, but now Lobo knows.” He announces, his eyes pursuing the boy’s fanatical design with admiration. Snickering softly in delight he imitates Julian’s discard of clothing and heaving up of his pant legs, wading a bit into the water, ever wary not to go out too far, more for the detail that the water has an dense freeze. He comes trotting back, smirking quietly to himself as he gazes downward at Julian before collapsing next to him, existing exclusively in the heat of the sand.

The canine examines Julian’s frolics and woofs, bounding around the beach animatedly, making a disturbance the whole time. He comes jogging back when Sean slumps next to Julian, his front torso flopping over Sean’s legs, watching Julian strangely.

He grins at the boy, grinning peacefully. “I didn’t know you’d do something crazy like that, Julian. You really are full of surprises.” He announces, happiness waltzing in the pits of his cores.

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: today was gonna be the day that they were gonna throw it back to you. -- Julian Emberson, 19:30:05 04/25/02 Thu

"It felt like the right thing to do." Julian felt a bit liberated, less stuffy in thought and not burdened with some down-pressure on his stale analysis on himself and the situation. For now it was a fun friendship. He smiled idly at Sean and Lobo bounding towards him, in suit of how he was with the lack of overdramatic cheering. He pushed himself up on his elbows, gazing at the rambunctious ocean waves missing his flesh once and again. There was freedom in ignorance that he admired.

Julian didn't do anything short of just chortle briefly at Sean's opinion of him. His cheek went lax near his shoulder, facing Sean, the sun offering a brilliant mass of gold on his skin. His wide grin slightly sparkled in the moment, one arm now resting on his well-toned torso. "And you were just crazy enough to do what I did." The arm that balanced raised from the elbow-down, pointing accusingly at him. "Lord Cookie, throwing off his clothing and running after a crazy blonde," He murmured wistfully, a sly smirk now on his lips. "I bet the freak reporters are writing about it right now. But that's fine, Cookie. I'll be here to tend your wounds!"

Julian chuckled affectionately and fell back against the sand, arms under his head as he looked up into the darkening sky.

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> look at the stars... -- sean terris, 10:36:32 04/27/02 Sat

Eyes twinkle with glee and his mirth isn’t restricted. “Oh, so you don’t imagine me the crazy one, my insane blonde Cheater?” He questions, grinning impishly. “Oh…it hurts…it hurts!” A handful of sand is stirred on his appendage where some of the grains bond because of the water that lingers on his arms. A finger aims dramatically at it. “Tend to my wound Master Cheater! Save me from those nasty reporters…who…are going to…turn into zombies…and…” At this detail he trails off and snickers softly. “Well, I don’t know what they’ll do…maybe they’ll pull my skin off and use it for their own, you know, because I’m such a pretty boy.” He announce in a imitation of a self-conceited nature. Declining back upon the sand and leaning his skull on Lobo’s back he yawns. “Mmm…if it was just a tad bit warmer, I’d fall asleep.” He concludes with a nod, his lips revolving upbeat in a grin. “Even though that’s all that I’ve been doing with my time lately. My poor broom feels neglected.” He remarks with an additional smirk materializing. Ah…life is excellent.

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: they resemble your life. scattered, moving, destined to fade into the universe. -- Julian Emberson, 12:16:57 04/27/02 Sat

Julian leered seductively, turning his head to the side. He wanted to play the game like that? Okay. Julian was prepared. Romping was no big deal. He turned to his side, resting his head upon an upturned palm, his elbow now carrying his weight. His skinny, elfin-graceful fingers ghosted over Sean's grain-ridden limb, falling down gently and brushing it off, warm hands moving in different directions to rid it of the sand. His hands remained until the water was dry, thoroughly tending to the 'wound' to simply tease. He lifted it to his smirking lips and kissed where the sand had, been, only to drop it where it was and roll over horizontally. His head then, in a rush of blonde, he let fall on Sean's stomach, hands clasped at his own. "There. Two birds with one stone." He squirmed and then closed his eyes, deeply breathing and lateday-dreaming off.

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> yeah, but look how they shine, rays of hope in the dark world.. -- sean terris, 12:53:57 04/27/02 Sat

He scrutinizes Julian's procedure with the purity and admiration of a five-year old infant, giggling like a diminutive schoolgirl just to make this individual episode more out of the ordinary. “Oh Julian! You’re my hero!” He announces, imitating the pitch that a youth could seize, his eyes glittering with enjoyment, utterly tranquil even with the prohibited caresses, even if it is all in pretend. However, when lips of the other encounter his skin and donating the tingling with the memorized feeling, his heart strike, already hastened even from the meager stroke, commences thrashing frantically at it’s perpetual confinement of bone, shrieking mentally to evade the adrenaline that assaults the vicinity with a punishment. His mind evenly persuades both his heart and extra feeling into a serene sleep in the shadowy cavern of himself, his external having lingered, astoundingly, still and unperturbed the entire time. ‘Returning’ from the meeting, he suffers a bit of astonishment as warmth exudes from the other boy and into his body, resulting with him undergoing affection for the boy and safety because of him. Only then does he understand that Julian had positioned his skull upon his stomach to relax. With a relatively sinister smile he begins to play lazily with the locks, absorbed now with undulating the glossy strands over his skin, teasing himself even more. "No...three...I'm occupied now too." He declares, managing to keep a normal tone present.

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: yeah, but look how they shine, rays of hope in the dark world.. -- Julian Emberson, 12:01:53 04/28/02 Sun

Well, this is nice, Julian. If you hadn't already known, you could ruin yourself with this.

I don't care, he told himself, yet inwardly scolding. He laid still there, the feel of flicking and whatever else actions being done to his hair calming him. The frozen breeze, the warmth doubled and inflamed with some sort of friendly affection, the light of the sun glancing off the ocean like flecks of hope in the darkness... It was enough to rid him of any sense of care for anything but the moment. He didn't even feel like sleeping. He was in a thrall inside his mind with the natural wonders encased within him and around him.

Yes, it all sounds so very tree-hugger hippie-ish, but it was something you needed to feel for yourself. It was as if the warmth swam in your stomach and formed rivers through your entire body, numbing it with the subtle delights of moments of feeling. It was as if the world was staring down at you with cold, bloodshot eyes but all you did was smile in the midst, companied by a shield of apathy for anything and everything. It was a thrall he imagined he felt when times like these came upon him. There were few things that could make him relax and forget, and these were the times. But it was never with anybody else but.

But now, it was someone else. Julian sighed, reason abandoning him and he just began to hum a song that .... well, that someone had always sang him. He smiled, tapping his foot on the sand along with the invisible music. In his head, the words came back hauntingly, voice appearing not to belong to either Gallagher brothers but someone wholly different.

And all the roads we have to walk are winding...
And all the lights the lead us there are blinding...