Subject:  Re: wrong using married donors? |
Author:
FQ
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Date Posted: Sun 06 February, 2005 06:36:41
In reply to:
Donna
's message, "Giving up" on Sat 05 February, 2005 12:28:50
What is so wrong with using a married donor? A substantial amount of sperm samples you get from sperm banks are from married donors. In fact, our health authorities in the UK have started a push for prompting married men to donate sperm through their doctors.
They reasoned there would be less threat of infection, and potentially better genes, if the donors did not come up because they wanted to, initially, but because their doctors chose them.
You wouldn't like a married donor only if you had the romantic idea of setting up a family, with that person, after conception. But for that, you could simply use straight dating and be outright that you want children (&marriage) straight away. You may laugh, but there are certainly men out there, for whom that would be their ideal.
The main advantage of sex is not that AI doesn't work and NI does. It is simply that NI is a much more poweful motivational tool.
Artificial insemination works fine. People telling you it will not work at all are trying to corner you into something you would not like. The only technical discussion point is whether NI is slightly more efficient than AI.
Anecdotal evidence does suggest that NI is more efficient. It has never been tested conclusively in humans. Who would like to try it out? However, in many non-human mammalians (cats, rabbits etc), ovulation can be induced by a somewhat rough intercourse. In humans, ovulation itself is induced regularly by a pace-setting mechanism inside the brain which synchronizes with the ovaries. However, there are other additional targets such as cerival patency (sperm passing through the cervical canal into the uterus), tubal capture of eggs (like in baseball where a high-speed flying ball is caught by a glove), and nidation, the nesting of the embryo into the uterus. So there are plenty of targets where the sensual perception of intercourse and the body response can be effective.
Of course there are several additional pluses and minuses. The minuses are the risk of infection is much higher through the tears in the vaginal lining. You can get infected by sperm itself, and this is the reason for frequent obligatory testing. However, the risk through sperm itself is much smaller than through intercourse. There is also a much higher risk of emotional problems and feelings of guilt (I've slept with a person who is ugly and who I don't love, I betrayed my lover etc).
On the plus side, it is much more rewarding for the would be father. Male satiety after intravaginal ejaculation is greater than after masturbation. So there could be, theoretically, less problems in receiving donations several days in a row around the ovulation time, or in retaining the person as a regular donor for the necessary stretch of time. If you read the comments on this site, a lot of recipients lose contact with their donors after 2-3 cycles, because these are no longer willing. So it could enhance the motivation. However, nothing is certain, it is just a rule of thumb. So if you find a male extremely attractive, and he is not a serial donor...
The key thing about sex, is that with it, your circle of potential donors is much wider, so you can choose a much better candidate. If you get dreary people looking for sex, it means you are casting the nets into a wrong place.
One should not choose people that don't come up to your aesthetic expectations, as donors, even if they don't ask for sex. If you feel they are ugly, what your brain is trying to tell you is that they will be poor donor material. If you choose such a person, your brain may shut down the pathways needed for normal fertility. So choose people who look nice to you (beauty is in the eye of the beholder), appear intelligent and show high acquired social status. This is one aspect where having a known donor beats having an anonymous one.
Anyway, good luck in your search!
>Well, I've tried posting here several times, I'm on
>practically every newsgroup and bulletin board I could
>find and I've hunted high and low for a sperm bank
>near me with open donor programs.
>
>It seems there is noone in my area who is genuinely
>looking to be a donor and isn't either married and
>trying to hide his donor status from his wife, just
>trying to pressure vulnerable women under pressure
>from their biological clocks into having sex, out for
>money, living in outter Siberia, or just saying they
>want to help, but when it comes down to it, they
>dissapear.
>
>So, I've had it. Looks like being a mom is not in my
>cards and after almost 2 years of looking and 3 donors
>that were set to go then backed out, I am DONE.
>
>I did meet some very nice women on this board and
>other newsgroups and even a few men that seemed to be
>genuine (but sadly, too far away) so I haven't lost my
>faith in humanity completely, but just wanted to say
>bye and thanks anyway and wish the rest of the people
>on here luck!
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