Alas and alack, sadly even, were I to attempt a credit card swipe these days, the plastic would melt from the poisons that must be pumped into my body in the form of liquids administered as sickness-causing wishful thinking (chemotherapy)or destructive-to-living-human-cells bombardments of nuclear radiation (radiotherapy) that kill all nearby cells indiscriminately. These corrupted cells are potent. They not only destroy credit card "stripes," they also do amazing things to the non-malignant living cells within the body of the afflicted clown. In order to "save my life" they are killing me slowly and parts of my body in hopes of salvaging some of the remaining "good" and "healthy" cells. The end result is a scrawny, overwhelmingly ill-feeling FORMER table dancing lion. Take the word of a man who peeked at the remaing carcass of a once ribald, free-wheeling, rascally buffoon peeking back from a full length mirror. The lion unclothed these days bears little, if any, resemblance to the former "wild thang." Why, even my tushy no longer qualifies as "pinchable" or "grabbable." Sigh!

HOWEVER... that doesn't mean the mind is gone... or no more so than usual. What is different is my deeper appreciation of those who do come here to visit, stop for a moment and, every now and again, take the time to post. I can't tell you folks enough how special all of you are to me. Rosie-Oh-Oh is one example of this. Chele is a bright, ambitious, hard-working young lady I am proud to count among my "internet friends." Bunnyhunny, Draggie-poo, Honeychile, Hobbsie and Bar, Hope, Brother Herb, Z-dr, Ty(rone) from Alaska and a common walk through what is best described as a personal Hell and Bidcaller, as have others have all personally called to check on me and on the well being of Sage-a-rooni. We both appreciate those simple acts as being treasured thoughts and concern for us as the non-electronic beings we really are. I have personally grown to cherish these acts of kindness and the wellspring of real world friendship they represent. They leave me feeling more than a little bit humbled.

I am well aware that the chemical and nuclear poisoning will accomplish no "cure," only a brief reprieve of the unlimate outcome medical science is unable, as yet, to defeat. That is my fate. My time here is almost done and I have other levels of being to take on for reasons I may not understand but must accept with as much dignity, pride and honor as I can muster. Perhaps medical science will one day relegate lung and other forms of cancer to the same ash heap of medical history as have polio, smallpox, diptheria and a host of other illnesses which medical science overcame during my time here.

I remember the miraculous advent of the use of penicillin for the treatment of bacterial and ordnance inspired assaults on human bodies, followed by the "-myocin" drugs that did the same for viral infections. I have seen the development of decay-busting dental treatments that have made, "only one cavity," cry of joy into a remembered thing of the past. Now we have children who don't suffer dental drills.

I was around for the advent of electrical power and telephone service to rural areas. I saw the first primitive television broadcasts that happened around the same time I started school. The original sets had a one-inch (diagonal) black and white only screens that you viewed via a mirror in the top of the cabinet. I was here for the first and now common broadcast of color television. I was around when man first entered space and even set foot upon another heavenly body, our moon.

When I was born, there were no magical chemical conctions to extend useful human quality of life even a whit. I would be hard pressed not to get a nasty e-mail from the owners of Voy forums were I to even attempt to list just a representative 1% sample of the "miracles" and "incredible inventions and discoveries" that happened while I was here. The list, even if held to a simple 1%, would be enoromus and block anyone else from using their forums because of bandwidth restrictions. Who knows? There could be some "miracle" with my name on it that could be announced before I finally am forced to accept the icy embrace of that skeletal being I have been fighting all these years. Perhaps. Probably not, however. The day WILL come, gratefully, when "lung cancer" is only a name for a diagnosis of a highly treatable disease. When that day comes, I have a feeling more than one of you folks will sigh in despair that it came too late for me.

I know that is true because that is what good, decent and truly worthwhile humans do. You folks have all proved you meet those qualifications as well as one more. You would all feel badly for that tardiness, as all real "friends" would do under the circumstances. That "friendship" is greatly appreciated. I am lucky in that I have enought time, if I use it wisely, to tell each of you publicly that I do value your friendship and acquaintance, whether in the flesh or in the cyber world. Chele, I won't lose this chance so get set. Thank you for being our friend and for caring. You contributed to the fullness and joy of me being alive simply by being you.

I ask you and all who come here to devote some of the energy you use to mourn for my enevitable end in a way that would make me happy and at peace. Use that loving, caring energy to support Secretary Sage who does far more than chronicle my remaining days. She endures the wasting away of the man I once was into the vomiting, hurting, weak and sickly being that remains and with whom she must contend. She came to care for me because I had no one who did. Some pretended to be that kind of person, but she proved she is. Once she got here (and it was bad enough then), it got worse. Sure, she needed to leave where she was for her own reasons, but she took on my own necessities as if they were hers. Others had claimed to be that kind of caring friend but - when "push" came to "shove" - they could, or would, not be that kind of friend for me. The burden is huge, yet she shouldered it willingly and with dignity and grace. She needs your care and concern too right now and especially in the days to come when the unwanted, far too soon end is near or has arrived. Be my friend in this way too. It makes me feel so good to know you are here and are saddened by the situation, but there is something equally my friends can do for Sage.

Let her know she has your friendship as well. She needs it now and will need it more in the future. It means a lot to me that you feel that way about her as well. Call or write and ask about me and I will be pleased. Call or write and ask about me and about her well being also and I will be overjoyed for your friendship for me, shared with her, is among the richest of treasures I can bequeath to her. I have sadly few earthly treasures to leave her, but I do have one of the greatest of all treasures in simply knowing you people who are, and have been, such an important part of my life.

And, that, dear kiddies is what the Hell I do know about that.