Game Recap-5/22 -- Proforma Pirates

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Date Posted: 08:31:44 05/23/02 Thu
Author: The Fingernator
Subject: Game Recap-5/22

As the weather has changed this week, so have the fortunes of the Proforma Pirates, who took their 3rd straight victory last night in front of 2, including some freak show wearing a blanket like he was acting in MacBeth for "Brookline Shakespeare in the Park" at Larz Anderson Field. The Pirates faced off against Intitech, sponsored by the corporate giant immortalized in the classic film "Office Space" (If you've never seen the movie you may miss some references in the recap...and you've missed one of the cinematic masterpieces of our time) Since I'm rapidly running out of jokes, and my job performance is suffering, and qutye frankly, winning games provide less material than losers, todays recap will be of the Larry King/Bill Simmons "Rambling" style....

The Pirates started with a new strategy against Intitch...the "hit it where they are" strategy......Watching Intitech trying to field reminded me of watching 10 year old kids at the Celtics game putting their heads on a bat, run around in circles 10 times, and try to run to the other end of the court. At the end of one inning, the Pirates had 9 runs, and the Intitech pitcher had a 0.00 ERA.

But much like Peter, Samir, and Mike Bolton were going to get rich by stealing fractions of pennies from Intitech, the Pirates lead decreased by fractions as the game went on. Heading into the 5th inning, the Pirates were clinging to an 11-7 lead, and only kept that via clutch pitching by Lefty Lee and a tree-mendous diving stop by Tyson Spinelli, who hasn't "laid" out for something like that in 1 year 3 months, 15 days, 8 hours, and 35 minutes...and counting. The Pirates were also saved by a great hustle play from Dr. Michael Burnes at 1st base, who may have to start bringing some novacaine to the games for Hamstring and arm injections.

Although Intitech pitching did get roughed up, they did set a BSAL record for most strikeouts in a game, as both Kevin Ryan and Dan Arel went down hacking.....and now owe a couple of Kases of beer to the team. Coach Jurk also owes penance for making 2 of the 3 outs in the 9 run 1st inning.

Outfielders are asked to buy larger gloves in the future in order to avoid the "charge the ball, watch it go under my glove, turn around and pick it up just in time to throw it over the 3rd basemans head" routine

Special thanks to Diamond Joe Clougherty, who showed up just in time to cheer on the Pirates to the final out of the game. We couldn't have done it without you DJ.

The umpire spent most of the game telling Burnsey stories about his service in the War of 1812

Team Auditor Maca gets the Homo of the Day award for missing the game to go to a hair appointment, followed by a manicure and pedicure, then off to a poetry reading at Starbucks in the South End

The Pirates schedule next week includes Kupel's and Smokehouse Red...with a couple of W's the Pirates could approach 500 ball, and solidify their position in the middle of the pack. Get rested, get healthy, and enjoy the long weekend Pirates...you deserve it! (Except for Maca, Feens, Liddy, Manning, Condelli, etc)

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