Re: Need your help, Kel! -- Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

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Date Posted: 11:52:17 05/16/16 Mon
Author: Still wondering (It's fun - you can do this!)
Subject: Re: Need your help, Kel!
In reply to: Sue 's message, "Need your help, Kel!" on 23:40:35 05/14/16 Sat

I signed up on match about three years ago. For me, it was a fun experience. I didn't meet tons of people but that's because I designed it that way. You can use it whichever way you want. Here's what I did, hope it helps:

First, I posted a few pictures and a summary, I checked off all the things I was interested in, then I started by looking at all the pictures of men who were in my city. Now - while looks are definitely not the most important thing to me, I had to start somewhere, and online the first thing you see is a picture so I began deleting all the people who just weren't super physically appealing to me. After a few nights of doing this I literally had 900 people in my age bracket narrowed down to about 10.

I sent each of them an email. some responded, some didn't. I'm not really a serial dater so I would meet one person and if I liked him, I'd hang around and not check out anyone else on match unless I was sure he wasn't a keeper. Some people take the opposite approach - they set up five dates with different people within a week or two and weed them out that way. My preference was to weed out by talking on email first, then the phone, and end up with a single prospect to meet in person. There's no right way!

Here's what I learned: Always meet somewhere in public(like a restaurant you know is usually crowded but quiet enough so you can hear each other). NEVER give anyone your full name or where you work, leave that type of information for date number four or five after you've met them in person that many times. From that first experiment I met a really nice guy and we dated for probably 6 months. The issue was that he was moving an hour and 1/2 north of here and I'm just not giving up my job and house for anyone at this point. Problem #2 was that I got a small inkling he might be gay. Might have been me, might have been him but either way I knew I needed to date more anyway.

On the second try I got hooked up with a complete weirdo who told me (on the first date) that he knew we were going to get married. That was the first and last date for that dude. This is where the "don't tell them your last name or work place" came from. We had really clicked on the phone and after a few days of talking I really liked his personality and we started talking about work so he knew where I worked which also gave him access to my last name since we have a website. Bad idea - took me two weeks to get rid of him and his incessant texting. However, this was the ONLY bad experience I had.

On the third try I met up with a very cute, very personable and professional man. But every time he'd come to my house he ate all my food, and I mean ALL my food. Then he asked if he could take stuff to go. Ummm. ok. He also had a son who was only 2 years old and that's just wasn't on my agenda when I was 42.

I took a break and three months later I got back on. I met the man I've been dating for just over a year now. I'm not positive he's the one, in fact we're getting to that "I really know all of you phase" now where I'm thinking oh crap, he's probably not the one. Honestly, I really don't feel like doing this allll over again, the dating, getting to know someone, blah blah blah, so in the end, if this is not the one I think I'll take a break from dating - i'll know when it's time to jump back in.

But I've had a lot of fun along the way. It's nice to see that there are other nice people out there looking for the same things we are. Are there some weirdos? Sure. But there's also a lot of fish in the pond. I found it fun, a little nerve wracking (in an I have butterflies sort of way that I hadn't felt in long time), and I found that it was good for me to get out there. I actually still keep in touch with the first guy I met. We are not a match for each other but we connected through other interests and became friends.

The only way is to try it to see if you like it. just jump in! If you find that you don't like it then all you have to do is remove your profile. I did a lot of hidden searching at first so people didn't know that I had viewed their profile. Good luck!

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Replies:

Just Wondering has given you plenty of good advice -- Kel, 16:25:41 05/16/16 Mon

Re: Just Wondering has given you plenty of good advice -- Still Wondering (That's good information!), 17:58:07 05/16/16 Mon