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Date Posted: 14:06:00 06/27/01 Wed
Author: Laura Gay
Subject: Opportunities and perspective ...
In reply to: J 's message, "Aw..." on 13:07:08 06/27/01 Wed

... J, I really do appeciate your honesty on a topic that is so hard for so many people -- aging/dying parents and our relationships with them. The account you gave of both your father's childhood and your own upbringing under him was so poignant. You speak of holding on to a deep anger for his inability to interact with you in any meaningful, loving way as you grew up ... and yet, you portray it through a sense of adult understanding now. It is clearly still painful for you, yet you seem to have reached a place where you can see him as just a man who was, himself, the product of a hard childhood. That evidence of a true maturity on your part, J, to have that insight into this significant source of pain in your life. While your presence in his home is a kind of gift to him as he dies, I hope you also see it as a gift you're giving yourself ... to take this time to work through some of the anger and find a new, different, more healing form of relationship with him. Clearly, he was never able to be the father/man that you needed him to be. My wish for you is that you will be able to release that burden as you release him, thereby freeing yourself to move forward into a future in which you will no longer by weighed down with such sadness. I truly wish you peace, J.

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Replies:

  • J, you don't know how much I can relate... -- gidge, 08:38:41 06/28/01 Thu
  • Me, too -- Faerie, 17:30:24 06/28/01 Thu
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