| Subject: Re: The script continues |
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Date Posted: 00:53:33 08/06/02 Tue
In reply to:
MANWOLF!!
's message, "Re: The script continues" on 18:20:20 08/02/02 Fri
>Client
>I'm very busy.
>
>Chris
>I know. I picked up your dry-cleaning. I could give
>it to you when we go to the game.
>
>Client
>What the fu..
>
>Cut to Chris and client at a baseball game.
>
>Chris
>Tho, there you have it, in a nutthell- that'th your
>yetti.
>
>Client
>How do you know all of this?
>
>Chris
>I'm a withard.
>
>Chris stares off at something
>
>Chris
>I think I want to meet thothe guyth. I like their
>thtyle.
>
>Cut to a shot of Greg and tim. They are at they same
>baseball game. Tim is shoving a hot dog in greg's
>mouth.
>
Client
What guys I don't see anybody!
Chris
Wait ten thecondth.
The Client stands up and peers.
Sure enough, ten seconds later, Greg and Tim show up looking great! Like they did after the barber shop tussle and the fags o' fun romp in the flower store.
They are walking funny, like someone photographed them walking backwards backwards and is now playing the image forward.
Client
Those guys?
Chris
Yeth. I think they are awethome.
Client
Anyway, why should I believe any of your story?
Chris
If you ever want to thee your clotheth again, I thuggetht you print that thtory. Anyway, it'th the truth. Now if you'll ekthcuthe me.
Chris stands
Client
Let me go with you.
Chris
I'm afraid not.
Client
Come on, I have to know who does their hair.
Chris
Feel my power!
Chris launches smoke out of his mouth. The client coughs.
Cut to the Client waking up in bed, coughing.
Client
Oh it was all a dream.
He looks over and Chris is in bed with him.
Client
OR WAS IT???
Cut to:
Greg and Tim are in the Oval Office of the White House.
The President is pacing back and forth. It is actually the President, George W. Bush and not an actor, but he is playing John F. Kennedy.
President
I cahnt believe this gentlemen... you come befaw me tooday to tell me I'm to be shot!
Greg
Yes, that's what we're telling you.
Tim
It's the truth!
President
The Truth?! The Truth?! What do you know of the Truth!
An aid to the president opens up the door.
Aid
Mr. President, there are two men to see you.
President
Men, eh? Okay, send them in.
A low-rent version of Greg and Tim enter. By that I mean, they are Greg and Tim's equals in almost every way, but there is something not quite as good about them. They are Frank and Adam.
Tim's eyes narrow as Adam walks up to the President, kisses his ring and kneels before him. Adam speaks in a deep-fried southern accent.
Adam
Well fuck, Mr. President, there have been a lot these god damned rumors about your being shot.
Frank
Lots of gossip. Fucking queers spreading it.
Greg stares at Frank in a jealous way.
Adam
Queers 'n niggers.
President
Niggahs? Not again. What am I to do?
Greg
He's fucking lying!
Tim
The other one too! Look!
Tim holds up a chunk of Kennedy's brain.
Tim
Recognize this?
Presidnet
No I do not.
Frank
He could have gotten that shit anywhere.
Adam
Shit balls, I don't think these fellas are right!
Tim
We're so fucking right, get it in your heads.
Greg
Yeah, beat off into an orange peel, dicklickers!
Presidnet
Gentlemen, ah, this is hardly the time...
Adam
Well boy howdy, you do have a mouth on you boys!
Frank
You know, man, I think there's only one thing to do with this bunch of faggots.
Adam
Shit, I know.
Frank
Yeah, they're fucking fucked up!
Adam
And they got a mouth on them! A purdy mouth!
Tim
(whispers to Greg)
Get ready.
Greg
What?
Tim
Oh fuck off!
Adam charges at Greg in a Deliverence style assault!
Tim intercepts jumping in front of Adam exposing his ass to Adam's assault.
TIM
No!
President
Oh no, not again.
He presses an intercom button.
Presidnet
WE're gonna need some cleaning crew up here.
Adam is going at Tim pretty hard-core.
Tim
Greg! Fucker, get the fuck over here!
Greg is busy though, engaged in a knife fight with Frank. They jab at each other and sometimes swing at the others' feet and/or head which is followed by jumping and/or ducking.
Tim
Ah shit!
Tim vomits.
Adam
DONKEY PUNCH!
Adam punches the back of Tim's neck.
Tim yawns.
Tim
This is bullshit.
Tim acts like he's about to poop. Suddenly Adam screams.
Adam removes himself from Tim but something's missing. His dick.
Adam is bleeding.
The President holds his head in his hands and begins to walk toward his desk.
The aid pops his head in.
Aid
Photographer to see you sir.
The President only nods and leans his hands on his desk in the most famous JFK pose ever.
A photographer named Trish Saylor (Chris Taylor dressed as a woman) pops in.
Trish
Mithter Prethident...
President
Just take the picture.
Trish
Yeth thir.
Trish snaps a photo.
Trish looks at the others in the room.
Trish
Thay cheethe!
Everyone stops what they are doing and turns to the camera and smiles.
The image freezes and we pull away from it to see it is a picture in a glass case.
We are in a museum.
A tour starts to go by.
Tour Guide
And here are some historical pictures of improprieties in the Oval Office. The White House is a historical place and you are all so special to be taking a tour here.
A man in the tour begins to walk as if he really has to pee.
His wife looks at him and smiles.
Wife
Excuse me, Mr. Guide, where are the restrooms?
Guide
My name is Steve.
Wife
Right, well, my husband's gotta take a swish.
THe Man looks at his wife as if she had just told the tour he was a homo.
The guide rolls his eyes.
Guide
Sir, down the hall, to your right.
The man looks at his wife and at the Guide.
Man
I-
Guide
It's okay sir. Go on.
Wife
Don't be such a weirdo Howard.
The tour is chuckling mildly.
Man
I- I-
The Guide moves on.
Guide
Now down here-
The tour continues. The man stands by himself, afraid to follow the tour. His wife looks back once and smirks.
Man
I- Oh.
The Man, defeated, walks away to find the bathroom.
Cut to the bathroom.
The man is standing at a urinal.
He unzips.
He seems to be crying a bit, a single tear goes down his cheek.
The Ghost of President Polk appears next to him.
Polk
Howdy doo, friend!
The man turns, frightened. He tries to zip up but his hand freezes in fright.
Polk
You'll forgive me if I don't shake your hand.
Man
Wha- what do you want?
Polk
Oh don't mind me, go about your business.
Man
I- I-
Polk
Come on, spit it out.
Polk looks excitedly at the Man's crotch area. He rubs his hands excitedly.
Polk
Oh I just love this.
Man
I- I can't do it if you're watching.
Polk
Shy bladder, eh? Well then I'll just be going.
The Man stares as Polk goes through the wall.
He goes back to the urinal and begins to pee. He looks contenetened. (contented)
Then he looks down to make sure his aim is good and suddenly screams. Polk is back, in the urinal cake.
Polk
Oh yeah, that's the stuff.
The man screams and runs out of the room, leaving small pools of piss.
Polk's apparation gets out of the urinal and begins walking around.
Lincoln's ghost appears by him.
Lincoln
Oh God, there you are. You're just fucking nuts President Polk. You call yourself the ghost of a president?
Polk
Well, President Lincoln, I rest assured that no one ever even knows who the fuck I am. Now clean me up.
Lincoln
Yeah.
Lincoln begins licking the piss off of Polk.
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