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Date Posted: 08:35:16 07/06/02 Sat
Author: Rodrigo parapaz
Subject: The indian deceiver - marketer of himself

My fellow ex-disciples,
My name is Rodrigo and I were one of the first disciples in Brazil, I was very fond of CKG and stayed in the center for 5 1/2 years. I left the group couple months ago, as I discovered the yahoo forum that was unfortunatelly hacked or shut down.

My last year and a half on the "path" was marked by many questioning and doubts, disatisfaction and a sence of stagnation. I saw on myself and on other disciples, instead of being more open comprehensive about the world and humanity, being very judgemental and full of preconceived ideas of God and spirituality. We were full of: "this is divine - this is undivine". We avoided people and social contatc outside the center, some of us even left family, job and other things.

How foolish we were to think that we were such specially chosen instruments of God. That argument only makes people think they are well cared for, and gives a false perception of security and differentiated value to oneself. But who doesnīt like to feel special? Let me tell you I felt the burden of being just like anybody else, being again an ordinary person, so naive that fell on the old cult scam.

Very appealing and also in compliance with the strategy of making one feel special, was the participation and the feeling of personal effort or "sacrifice" as a result of involvement with center activities and projects. Oh, indeed the feeling of always being challenged with higher goals were a way of keeping peopleīs atentions off other things and a way of making people feel inner motivation after getting things done. For instance, how much time we spent singing loads of songs, and how special we felt after singing in front of him, the indian deceiver... Or how thrilled we felt after getting work done for some project like peace run and blossom.

CKG is smart, and I think his motives are totaly in favor of himself only, therefore egotistical and erroneous as far as my understanding of spirituality. But I cannot deny my ingenuity and my portion of responsibility in taking the decisions to do what I did. In a way or another it was our choice to believe in him, work for and help him sustain the image that he creates for himself. He is a marketer of himself and we as disciples helped him based on our wrong belief that he was in tune with Godīs will. I do feel foolish.

I am so sorry about the sexual abuse that has happened to Ann, Rose and others. I was deeply shocked and immediately left the center after I read it on the internet. A friend of my told me about the forum but I didnīt believe him at first. It took me some days to get to read it. It is taking me some more days to get used to the idea of being involved and devoted to such person for so long.

I am not trying to make a point here, I just wanted to talk about it with others that were part of it. I have gone through frustration, sadness, depression and even some anger. But also this whole thing has a positive side: it is making me deeply question myself and it has been a great lesson of humility and self knowledge. By Godīs grace we are out of there (SCC) and with a much greater opportunity for growth and self realization. Let us have faith in ourselves and try to be more careful on surrendering ourselves to otherīs will. I am reading a book called A Course in Miracles and it has been a good thing. It portrais a very different perspective on spirituality and if you like to read something new but also conected to the idea of being one with god you might like it.

Anyway, thanks for the revealing statements on the forum and let us keep at it here or somewhere else. It is important to have the truth available to others. I sure believe that others will face it some time.

Rodrigo.

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