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Date Posted: 02:34:56 07/02/04 Fri
Author: Ann Jordan
Subject: Re: The Rights of Non-Custodial Parents
In reply to:
Lynne Lopatin
's message, "The Rights of Non-Custodial Parents" on 10:20:30 10/18/03 Sat
I also lost my 2 daughters to my ex-husband and have since remarried and had 2 more children (both boys). The courts have been charging me interest on my arrears while I informed them that I was unable to work, firstly due to high risk pregnancies and then due to financial hardship - WORKING COSTS MONEY! (ie. daycare, second vehicle, etc.) My current husband works 2 jobs to try and support me and the 2 boys and also helps me pay my support when he can but my arrears is growing. I tried to get a Review and Adjust from the support agency but, after 2 years of waiting and contacting them for an answer, they denied it saying I must provide proof of applying at 5 jobs per week until I find employment. I've explained to them that I have 2 more children to support and take care of but they don't care.
My case is taking place in Wisconsin. I recently signed the Non-custodial Parent petition online at http://www.petitiononline.com/usncpr/petition.html in hopes that someone will help me and change the system all together for other moms and dads who have remarried and want a new family.
My plan is to contact some other organizations that might be able to help me be able to stay home with my 2 boys. My 2 daughters only get to see me every third weekend. My oldest daughter has been talked out of coming to my home and hasn't spent visitation with me in over 4 years.
To my knowledge, my ex,who is remarried also, is collecting support from me while his new wife is collecting support from her ex as well as alimony and they operate their own business. They frequently leave my 2 daughters home alone while they go out making money and then buy my daughters things like computers, horses, kitties, dogs, video games and all kinds of gifts to keep them from wanting to live with me - and it's still working.
My ex-husband had the opportunity to work out a share placement arrangement with me so that neither of us would have to pay support to the other. But apparently he wanted the money instead of what was in the best interest of our children and the courts simply gave him everything he asked for. And, yes, he said every lie about me in court he could think of to get it.
I would never wish divorce on my worst enemy - if I had one. Maybe I'm divorced from him.
Sincerely,
Ann Jordan
Wisconsin, US
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Re: The Rights of Non-Custodial Parents -- Cherl , South Carolina, 18:34:24 09/04/04 Sat
It is so nice to know I'm not a bad parent like I was starting to make myself believe. Almost 5 years ago, I lost custody to my ex on all 3 of our children. He also lied. He told me he wanted a divorce because he didn't love me anymore...eventually, we agreed upon a non-contested divorce. When I arrived at court, he had a lawyer and was saying I abandoned him and the kids and that I was mentally and physically abusive to the the children. I was so devastated. I have been ever since. I pay him child support and obey my court order, of course he has total disregard for it. I have been trying to hold in contempt for 4 years now. There are times that he will not let me talk to or see our kids for months at a time. He has remarried also and added to more kids to their family.....now I pay more child support because he has more mouths to feed as he put it to me. He was awarded more child support. He owns his own business which he has moved to a town 30 minutes away. He does'nt lack for money and definitly does not need child support, but I do it, even when I don't get to see my children...I have yet to remember or understand where and why and how I lost custody of my children. It's depressing.
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Re: The Rights of Non-Custodial Parents - a Father's story in Virginia/Maryland -- Ed, 09:46:28 09/18/04 Sat
I've been reading these entries and replies herein while in search of answers for paternal Fathers like me who are non-custodial parents, and finding few, except the proverbial: "...legal system is flawed...," etc.
I too am a victim of a legal bias against non-custodial parents, myself a Father now excluded from any physical contact with my 14 year-old son's life by a attorney Ex-wife. She knows I can only contest her failure to provide consent ordered physical visitation and phone access in a contempt suit I can't afford to initiate, and I pay my MD child support electronically without fail on a monthly basis since 1998 Divorce.
Even the Montgomery County court appointed attorney claimed in a letter she is powerless to help me obtain visitation since there is no active motion in court on denied visitation...the courts presume that legally once child support is paid, non-custodial parents will receive legally entitled visitation automatically, and there are no County or state court mechanisms to help enforce the rights of non-custodial parents.
I too was forced in court to give up joint custody in 1998 owing to my imminent overseas deployment into combat while on active duty with the armed forces, and now am feeling the loss of fathering my son years later in a lop-sided legal situation I'm powerless to change. It's a shame congress, state and local governments don't accord more tax dollars to solving the broken home problems and single-parent decay of children resulting from inability of non-custodial parents, regardless of sex, to have a meaningful role in their childrens' lives, just because of vindictive sole-guardian parents bias and inaction in the civil courts.
I feel for all those sentiments expressed herein, regardless of the gender of the non-custodial parent as I'm one too. The social and legal system in these regards does need repair and revision.
Ed M Sept 2004
Virginia
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Re: The Rights of Non-Custodial Parents - a Father's story in Virginia/Maryland -- Peter Ashlock (Perpetual irritation), 19:28:02 04/09/12 Mon
I'm with you. My case is over 25 years old, the kids are grown and I still am being stigmatized and harassed by the DSHS Child Support people in Washington State where my ex kidnapped my children to and they protected her, telling her only to "not do it again" when I complained.
You are right, non custodial parents are assumed to be villains and treated like criminals. They of course deny that they do that, but the preponderance of experience is with people like us who did not choose the situation and if we had the money to contest the situation they would petition for an increase in payments and demand to know where the money came from. They act like pit bulls with their teeth around your neck.
I'd like to start a national petition to pressure the various state governments to change the archaic and mean spirited pseudo laws that criminalize without charging.
>I've been reading these entries and replies herein
>while in search of answers for paternal Fathers like
>me who are non-custodial parents, and finding few,
>except the proverbial: "...legal system is flawed...,"
>etc.
>
>I too am a victim of a legal bias against
>non-custodial parents, myself a Father now excluded
>from any physical contact with my 14 year-old son's
>life by a attorney Ex-wife. She knows I can only
>contest her failure to provide consent ordered
>physical visitation and phone access in a contempt
>suit I can't afford to initiate, and I pay my MD child
>support electronically without fail on a monthly basis
>since 1998 Divorce.
>
>Even the Montgomery County court appointed attorney
>claimed in a letter she is powerless to help me obtain
>visitation since there is no active motion in court on
>denied visitation...the courts presume that legally
>once child support is paid, non-custodial parents will
>receive legally entitled visitation automatically, and
>there are no County or state court mechanisms to help
>enforce the rights of non-custodial parents.
>
>I too was forced in court to give up joint custody in
>1998 owing to my imminent overseas deployment into
>combat while on active duty with the armed forces, and
>now am feeling the loss of fathering my son years
>later in a lop-sided legal situation I'm powerless to
>change. It's a shame congress, state and local
>governments don't accord more tax dollars to solving
>the broken home problems and single-parent decay of
>children resulting from inability of non-custodial
>parents, regardless of sex, to have a meaningful role
>in their childrens' lives, just because of vindictive
>sole-guardian parents bias and inaction in the civil
>courts.
>
>I feel for all those sentiments expressed herein,
>regardless of the gender of the non-custodial parent
>as I'm one too. The social and legal system in these
>regards does need repair and revision.
>
>Ed M Sept 2004
>Virginia
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