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Subject: Whats Going On For Me


Author:
Deidra
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Date Posted: 23:59:52 05/28/01 Mon
 I've been reading much of whats posted on this Forum and it took me awhile to see how to fit in. My 2nd birth, while having ocassional severe plunges, is not a continual down. Most of the time I am joyful. Lately I find myself loving myself and everyone else. Saniel said that in the reclaiming and becoming all of who we are, that positive qualities come back as well as our broken zones showing up. I can't see that I'm avoiding the down at all. And who knows what lies ahead. But for now this is whats going on for me, despite the fact that as a hyena woman, I am always scavaging for all the little pieces that Being is showing me to recognize. I found myself sypathyzing with John Parkers messages. And feeling that he was not really accepted completely in his manifestation as an awakened Being, because he was not expressing such down experiences. His "What Is" seems to be just showing different qualities as does mine. I have mentioned to Saniel that I have these ecstatic qualities, and if I ask him "am I missing something?" He jokes with me about it saying something like "not suffering enough huh? Too happy, is that the problem Deidra?" Anyway here I am joining in as a most of the time happy being. I hope that we will all compliment each other in our differentness. I certainly get a lot from what all of you are sharing. Maybe I will say a little more about whats going on for me. Whats really made a difference lately is that I spontaneously find myself mothering myself in all kinds of fearful situations arround my parionia especially, and also moods like mild depression and physical tightness. There is this new voice in me that comforts me, and also shows me what's really true in a situation instead of my scripts fron the past. This has led to a feeling of trust in myself that I didn't have before. And I realize that this is most of whats giving me the strength to dare to go further in this work. I also think it's whats causing me to show up just a little, in a way that holds others. I really doubt my usefulness in helping others on the whole. It seems to be Beings business. Then I realize, yeah, but I am Being, its all so mysterious. In Love and freedom for us all to be on this forum as our own qualities in Awakeness, Deidra
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Honoring Being however She manifests is the most wonderful thing I know...Cassie15:07:14 05/29/01 Tue

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