Re: Completing my first birth while driving into my second -- A White Hot Forum

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Subject: Re: Completing my first birth while driving into my second

Author:
Chris

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Date Posted: 13:54:13 03/23/01 Fri
In reply to: Chris 's message, "How exactly am I Consciousness?" on 13:41:16 03/23/01 Fri

My soul nature has been based on not being here as a self. This is the paradox in my personal being.

This is why coming upon the sense of deep selfhood inside of exhaustion is so unfamiliar.

Has my soul re-organized from being in suspended hysterical animation to grounded and exhausted selfhood - all within a gradually awakening Being?

Or am I awakening as Being in the midst of my broken and selfless soul, and falling through it as Consciousness? Is Consciousness how I account for the increase in selfhood?

I certainly am witnessing my broken soul in its suspended hysteria. It's as clear to me as the lamp.

I guess I have a feeling that Consciousness is what I am awakening to primarily, and that it is dropping me into my body at the root point of contact, from which I suddenly find myself to be here in an utterly new way, with startling confidence. I don't think my soul-nature is being re-configured: I think I am becoming increasingly here as Consciousness and in exhaustion from no longer being hysterically animated, I am recognizing the obsolete ruins of an increasingly unused self.

But I marvel at the problem I am facing: how my sense of me-ness has been an inverted one, a selfless one.

In some sense, I am encountering a kind of first-birth along with my pregnancy in Being: a first birth awakening to being here at all, not to mention in becoming conscious as Being.

I've always been Conscious: that's obviously true. But I have not always felt myself to have a central self in relation to others. My governing sentimentality has been precisely to not have a self in relation to others.

What an event.

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Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
Am I a soul dreaming of union with phenomena, or did I really experience onlyness?	Chris	14:00:11 03/23/01 Fri
Conscious provides the immediate answer to these seemingly hopeless & endless questions -- Chris, 15:37:52 03/23/01 Fri I THINK YOU'VE GOT IT -- cassie, 16:02:17 03/24/01 Sat Re: I THINK YOU'VE GOT IT -- Chris, 23:45:38 03/24/01 Sat