| Subject: Re: Holding ourselves gently |
Author:
CC
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Date Posted: 09:28:50 02/22/01 Thu
In reply to:
Cassie
's message, "Re: Holding ourselves gently" on 23:50:11 02/21/01 Wed
Hi everyone! Great idea, Cassie, this forum. I couldn't resist sharing a personal experience with an unrelenting Judge-self some years ago. This inner voice was just beating me up mercilessly, always taking me on a spiral down into a hell-realm of uselessness and despair. I was doing some intensive spiritual practices, and during one of the workshops, I crashed into a place where I could no longer avoid this inner critic, and I saw much to my horror that what it was telling me about myself was TRUE (never mind the details, it was pretty bad).
Now, there were plenty of people around me who wanted to console me, heal me, or whatever, and tell me that it wasn't true, but I knew that there was no ultimate merit in denying it--I really was all those things I cringed to hear. And I sat in that for days, writing out the criticisms in my journal. And then, amazingly, the inner critic just shut up. For the first time in my life, it was quiet, and I was as if newborn--I didn't know who I was! I was all those "bad" things, yes, and also all the "good" things I preferred to think about myself, as well. And more--without conflict. Pretty amazing experience, very freeing and liberating, and I felt lighter than I could remember in this lifetime. With it came a sort of invulnerability--I was no longer subject to the fear that someone would discover something "bad" about me that I didn't already know--and accept!
So, I think there's some mechanism whereby resisting and trying to get rid of this inner critic actually perpetuates it, and that allowing ourselves to fully feel the impact of our human complexities and imperfections--our very real limits--gives us a new ability to live with them.
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