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Subject: 3x11: Coupling Author: VKMax [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 23:15:25 09/30/03 Tue Author Host/IP: cpc1-farn1-6-0-cust130.glfd.cable.ntl.com/80.6.32.130 NOTE: Vincent Karthieser, Lisa Roxanne & Shawn Ashmore do not appear in this episode. “March 11th 2000” Central Park, New York – 4.10am A man and his son are driving through central park in a hurry BOY We’re not meant to drive through here MAN It’s quicker, Peter trust me PETER Daddy watch out! The man skids to the side as he hit’s a man and wraps the car around a tree. Both are clearly dead, the man stands – a vampire. VAMP Dude, watch where you’re going FADE TO WHITE. INT – ANYA’S HOUSE – DAY WILLOW (underbreath) This is stupid FAITH You’re telling me ANYA Telling what? FAITH/WILLOW Nothing ANYA No, speak the truth I wish to hear it WILLOW Anya isn’t you that always says wishes are bad things ANYA Only when I’m not working, yes Blank looks ANYA I’m not working and I wish to know WILLOW This is weird TARA N-not weird just different ANYA You think I’m weird? XANDER Ahn! Hun not now ANYA No, no you’re little gay friend thinks it’s weird that I’ve decided to start celebrating my birthday again after eleven hundred years without one, well I’m sorry but I deserve pretty things three times a year also TARA Three? XANDER Right, there’s something we’ve been meaning to tell you, you see the thing is… ANYA We’re getting married! Look at the ring! Anya pushes Xander out of the way in excitement and flings her hand in front of the girls FAITH Wow, Xan man did ya have to swim all the way to the bottom after the old lady dropped it? ANYA You got this from an old lady? XANDER It’s a film sweetie ANYA This is a film? You said it was real diamond made out of carrots and everything ANDREW (off side) You know for someone who’s a gazzilion years old and way clever, she’s kinda slow WILLOW You noticed that too huh? HARMONY (O.S) Am I late for the baby shower? Everyone looks around in shock WILLOW Apparently, there’s more stupid people in the world Starring Eliza Dushku and Michelle Trachtenberg Tom Lenk Lisa Roxanne Shawn Ashmore Vincent Karthieser as Connor Special Guest Star Alyson Hannigan Amber Benson Guest Starring Nicholas Brendon, Mercedes McNab, Drew Fuller, Emma Caulfield as Anya INT – ANYAS HOUSE – DAY WILLOW So what is just slipped your mind? Oh I’m gonna be a daddy in September and… ANYA August WILLOW What? ANYA The baby’s due in August, it’s a summer baby but not a Summer’s baby because that’s just gross WILLOW Stop talking ANYA What? FAITH Yo’ guys maybe we all need to take a pill (to Anya) Except you, that’d probably be a bad thing XANDER Faith, I… FAITH Look Xander it’s cool, I’m pleased for you and broad (pause) Little Harris all with the squidgy babies ANYA My baby will not be squidgy! It’s a human! TARA Does anyone else want coffee? XANDER Coffee! Coffee is a drink and drink is good, will it be Irish? CUT TO. EXT – CENTRAL PARK – DAY WILLOW You okay? XANDER Yeah it’s nice you know? WILLOW Nice? TARA Andrew you wanna go and play on the, the uh… ANDREW Swings? TARA Sure the s-swings WILLOW Bye Tara kisses Willow and walks off with Andrew WILLOW Okay, just Willow now, you can be real Xander and not Mr. Harris XANDER No, I’m being real Will, I’m happy it’s just so real you know? WILLOW Not exactly, I’m not much with the babies being a vegetarian and all XANDER You’re a veg…oh (pause) I mean, okay, the past nine years have been about fighting demons and ghosts and what not, now, a baby – it’s so normal and so real and so… WILLOW Scary? XANDER Way scary WILLOW Snyder scary? XANDER Miss. French scary WILLOW Ubervamp scary? XANDER It’s scary Will! WILLOW Sorry CUT TO. INT – ANYAS HOUSE – NIGHT FAITH You okay? ANYA Do you care? FAITH No ANYA Then why are you asking? FAITH You’re carrying my friends baby ANYA Friend? Is that what you call him now? FAITH Well, yeah I could call him Lilly if you like? ANYA Oh you think you’re so funny FAITH Here we go ANYA (smiling) Hormones, I’m sorry you know me crazy old Anya, crazy, crazy, crazy FAITH Glad we see the same way (beat) How many tests did you take? ANYA Tests? Like a written exam? FAITH Pregnancy test ANYA You need to take a test to get pregnant? FAITH To see if you are pregnant, Anya you haven’t taken a test have you? ANYA I’ve been to busy FAITH It takes two minutes ANYA Well, how many questions are there? CUT TO. INT – RESTAURANT – DAY Jones enters looking rather nervous as Harmony walks over to him HARMONY Oh my god hi! JONES Do I know you? HARMONY Yeah we met at Anya’s house earlier! It’s Harmony! JONES Right, um, can I book a table for two… HARMONY No JONES No I can’t book a table for two? HARMONY You can book a table for four JONES I don’t need a table for four HARMONY But that’s all we have, Anya and Xander took the last table for two JONES Okay…table for four it is HARMONY You have to fill all the seats…with people not purses and hats JONES Damn! I really wanted to bring my new purse HARMONY Sorry, managers orders END OF PART ONE EXT – CENTRAL PARK – DAY Andrew is merrily swinging around the park as Tara watches on in amusement when Andrew is struck with a child’s soccer ball. KID Sorry ANDREW It’s okay…here’s your ball back (looks around) Where’s your Mommy? KID I don’t have a Mommy ANDREW Where’s your Dad? KID I don’t have a dad ANDREW Oh, well who are you here with? KID Him The child points to a tree where a tall man is stood in a trench coat ANDREW What is he your uncle? KID My protector ANDREW That’s nice, well, I have to get back to my friend now so you stick close to your protector you here? KID Okay, I’m Peter ANDREW Nice to meet you Peter, I’m Andrew Andrew skips back over to Tara as Peter and his Guardian, discreetly dissolve into the tree. TARA W-Who was that? ANDREW Peter TARA You know him? ANDREW No TARA (confused) Oh…we should, pr-probably get back to the others ANDREW Sure CUT TO. INT – RESTAURANT – NIGHT Anya and Xander are already sat with their meals as Tara and Willow enter ANYA Great! God they’ve given me my gifts can’t they just leave XANDER Anya, they’re our friends ANYA Fine (really false) Willow…Tara, hey! WILLOW Hey you guys TARA W-what are you doing here? XANDER Anya decided as it might be her birthday ANYA I can’t remember the exact date XANDER That I should take her to the most expensive restaurant in a solar radius TARA Expensive? Like lots of money WILLOW Tara relax, It’ll be fine CUT TO. EXT – RESTAURANT – NIGHT Faith is attempting to walk out in her heels FAITH Jones I told you this isn’t my style, I’m more a KFC down round the back of the mattress store kinda gal JONES Well, a touch of class never hurt anyone FAITH You think I have no class JONES You have plenty of class you just, keep it subtle FAITH That was also subtle The two of them enter the restaurant and immediately spot Willow and Tara who are still talking to the others JONES Jones, table for…uh, four HARMONY Oh, it’s you, there was a little problem with that you see because we still had two seats left we kinda had to give them away…you’re sharing with Anya and Xander. FAITH What? ANYA What?! JONES (to Faith) Does she have super hearing FAITH No, she’s copying me because she’s drunk ANYA She’s copying me because she’s drunk FAITH Anya’s an idiot ANYA Anya’s an idiot JONES Isn’t she pregnant FAITH To the apparent relief of Xand, no. JONES No? FAITH Bad sushi JONES Oh… HARMONY So are you going to share the table or what? JONES It’s up to them HARMONY (rolls eyes) Xander, these guys are sharing your table, like it or leave a good tip Jones gives Faith a questioning look in reference to Harmony, she takes his arm and shakes her head FAITH We have to sit here? ANYA Why? FAITH This may come with heart attack potential but Harmony screwed up WILLOW Geez alert the press HARMONY Okay do you guys want the news or the bad news XANDER You mean the good news or the bad news? HARMONY No! Silly! (pause) Okay the news is soup of the day, tomato and um, the bad news is, I finish after I tell you this so you’re going to have to sort your own seating out Harmony starts to walk away and then jets back HARMONY Oh yeah, Willow, your table was double booked and you were late so you kinda have to stay with these guys too (beat) Have a nice dinner bye! Harmony skips off happily as Willow, Faith and Tara drop face. Tara, Jones and Xander look at each other in worry. CUT TO. EXT – RESTAURANT – NIGHT ANDREW (O.S) Hey! HARMONY Geez loser, creep much? ANDREW Sorry HARMONY Whatever, what are you doing here? ANDREW I was…um, just walking HARMONY In New York? Alone? You’re like a foot tall did you get dropped on your head or something? ANDREW Huh? HARMONY I’m implanting you’re stupid, dummy ANDREW Implying? HARMONY Same difference Andrew grabs Harmony by the bag and pulls her behind a tree HARMONY Watch it munchkin! Jeez what’s your deal? ANDREW That guy over there, I saw him in the park this afternoon HARMONY Big whoop I saw a plate today, what’s your point? ANDREW Don’t you think he’s creepy? HARMONY Well duh he’s a ghost ANDREW Really? How can you tell? HARMONY I’d so pick up the heartbeat of someone looking that suspicious ANDREW What about the kid that was with him, Peter? HARMONY Well, he’s dead too ANDREW Really? HARMONY Yeah can I go now ANDREW No, we’re going to play a game HARMONY (excited) Really, okay what kind? ANDREW You ever watch Scooby Doo? END OF PART TWO [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

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[> Subject: 3x11: Coupling Author: VKMax [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 23:16:00 09/30/03 Tue Author Host/IP: cpc1-farn1-6-0-cust130.glfd.cable.ntl.com/80.6.32.130 EXT – CENTRAL PARK – NIGHT Harmony and Andrew both dressed head to toe in black, pop their heads round the side of the gate and look around carefully. (We move across to see several people walking dogs and such like) HARMONY Damn it! ANDREW Relax, we’ll come back later HARMONY Not that doofus, I’m hungry ANDREW Oh, well, there’s a burger bar over there HARMONY (slapping Andrew round the head) Move. CUT TO. INT – RESTAURANT – NIGHT TARA Well this is nice ANYA (Drunk) It’s not nice Tara, it’s awkward XANDER Anya! ANYA Well, let’s face it we all wanted nice romantic evening alone without Faith and without Willow and without each other FAITH Yo’ Anya if you’ve got something to say how about you say it WILLOW You know, like you do with everything else TARA Will… ANYA I think I just said it. (rolls eyes) Who fancies a dead man’s party? JONES What? ANYA (to Jones) Me, you, Tara back to mine for a few drinks FAITH I died too ANYA For like a minute, that doesn’t count FAITH You didn’t even die ANYA I was close! FAITH Not close enough ANYA Xander are you going to let her speak to me like this? XANDER So, Jones – you know how girls like to go to the toilet in pairs? JONES Right there with ya Jones gets up and leaves, Xander pauses for a moment XANDER That sounded really gay (beat) Care to join us Tara TARA T-toilet sounds good ANYA Now see what you did, you both scared them away WILLOW Us? You sure it wasn’t you and your drunken stupor? ANYA You know what? FAITH Not really but I’m sure you’re about to reveal all Anya slams her hands on her hips as she stands up, immediately toppling over in a drunken state. Willow and Faith try not to laugh. ANYA Crap! Anya places her hands on the table to pull herself up ANYA Oh god! You made me break my ring! WILLOW Made you? FAITH Don’t think the chips the issue right now ladies All three stand back as everyone in the restaurant literally freezes to the spot, with the exception of the girls. A pale blue smoke comes up from the ring and sets in the shape of a woman. WILLOW That’s new CUT TO. EXT – CENTRAL PARK – NIGHT Harmony and Andrew are stood by the tree holding candles in front of them HARMONY So what’s with the candles because fire makes me kind of nervous ANDREW It’s just for…all spells need candles HARMONY Do not ANDREW Do to HARMONY Says who? ANDREW Someone HARMONY Yeah well Sabrina never uses candles! ANDREW Oh please…Phoebe and Piper always uses candles and the spells always rhyme, you think you can just point your finger and make magic? Get real! HARMONY Loser ANDREW Bite me (off look) No, go away CUT TO. INT – RESTAURANT – NIGHT FAITH What the hell is this bitches deal? ANYA She froze my flan, I don’t like frozen flan – it doesn’t wiggle WILLOW What is she? WOMAN/QUEEN Ask the questions to me FAITH What are you and do you know how much you’re paying for that meal? QUEEN You think you can take me? FAITH Dude, I’m the slayer QUEEN One of many FAITH The ONLY one The Ice queen raises her hand towards Faith and shoots her across the room with shatters or ice ANYA Hey! Anya begins to batter the queen with her purse WILLOW Anya! Stop it! The queen turns to Willow and smacks her across the restaurant CUT TO. INT – BATHROOM XANDER You think we should… JONES No! XANDER Tara? TARA Nah uh CUT TO. EXT – CENTRAL PARK – NIGHT HARMONY Andrew, nothings happening ANDREW Shh… HARMONY Get bent…oops, too late for that ANDREW Drop dead, oops too late for that HARMONY Loser ANDREW Stiff HARMONY Freak ANDREW Dumbass! HARMONY Dumbass (beat) Damn! ANDREW This should be working by now…okay, one last try Andrew takes a deep breath and holds his candle out again ANDREW Okay, people who were here before… HARMONY Pete and Billy ANDREW Billy? HARMONY I told you they live in the tree ANDREW I know that! (ignoring) People who live in the tree, come out Nothing. HARMONY You think that was gonna work? ANDREW Shut up Harmony! The two of them begin walking off as a flash of lightning smacks down and crashes the tree to the ground HARMONY Nice job Andrew! ANDREW I didn’t do that HARMONY Should we put that fire out? ANDREW We should run… HARMONY Good plan The two begin scattering off as Pete and Billy appear from the tree holding hands, both wave and say thank you as they fade away. CUT TO. INT – RESTAURANT – NIGHT The Ice queen has frozen Faith, Anya and Willow solid as Harmony and Andrew enter. HARMONY Forgot my wages…hey! She stands opposite the Ice queen HARMONY Excuse me Harmony begins to storm over to her but she trips over a fallen table cloth and knocks a candle straight onto the table setting on fire and melting the Ice queen down. TARA You think it’s… (looks around) safe… ANYA Xander where did you get my ring from? END OF PART THREE INT – CAR – MORNING Willow, Tara, Andrew and Faith are packed into the car as Harmony pulls faces by the window. FAITH Later yo’ TARA Good luck Xander The car drives off as Anya turns to Xander, extremely pissed ANYA Where? XANDER Seers ANYA Where? XANDER Tiffany’s ANYA Xander! XANDER A stool in Central Park…some gypsy man was selling them cheap and I’d just paid for your new hair ANYA You know what to do? XANDER No…not again ANYA You’re washing the pans for a month Alexander Lavelle Harris! CUT TO. INT – CAR – DAY FAITH You think he’ll live WILLOW Not if he’s lucky FAITH Yo’ Andrew you’re lucky you had such a relaxed night ANDREW Yeah… Andrew looks out the window as Pete and Billy both wave him goodbye CUT TO. INT – FAITH’S APARTMENT – DAY The door is hanging off it’s ledges, the table is smashed and the windows are broken, the furniture is turned over and glass carpets the floor. DARREN Hello? Darren walks in, closely followed by Jamie. DARREN Dawn? He looks over past the table where he sees Dawn lying, out cold, blood across her face. DARREN Dawn! END. Co-starring Justin Berfield – Darren Summers Penny Lane – Jamie Dockerson [ Post a Reply to This Message ]