i'll go super detailed on this one.... love the first line and the contrast between it and the rhythym pace and change of mood at the end. i HATE the word 'subtleties' even though its very like me to say something awful like that. i'm not sure if i like the light/dark blue thing. i'm not sure what its trying to say. (again it should be something i'd like).... -- Some Let Me Make You

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Date Posted: 17:48:47 04/29/01 Sun
Author: zeina
Subject:

i'll go super detailed on this one.... love the first line and the contrast between it and the rhythym pace and change of mood at the end. i HATE the word 'subtleties' even though its very like me to say something awful like that. i'm not sure if i like the light/dark blue thing. i'm not sure what its trying to say. (again it should be something i'd like)....
In reply to: George Root 's message, "Lucas asked me to post something, so here's a sonnet I just wrote." on 16:27:02 04/29/01 Sun

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...i dont like the temporary rhyme in the middle - it seems odd and messy though i DO like the actual stuff you are saying in them 'unholy drone' and 'moan' and all that. i quite like the 'swallowing love' part its very descriptive and effective, in my opinion. 'softly' to sleep doesn't work for me either - doesn't fit in with ther rhythym of that section of the poem. actually the overall rhyme is pretty sloppy. (again i'm not one to talk) -- zeina (part 2), 17:50:27 04/29/01 Sun

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