I liked animals -- Some Let Me Make You

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Date Posted: 05:48:19 05/01/01 Tue
Author: luke
Subject: I liked animals

I liked animals,
The way they run and scamper,
Dip their noses into things
And eat things.

At night
The hedgehog rumbled softly over the dark prickly lawn
Often pausing in the middle
Before continuing to the other side.
I was at my window, watching, on cold tiptoes
The black fuzzball below, breathing quickly as it belted across
Towards something, away from something more likely
Something imaginary perhaps.
Sometimes it didn�t appear
Baby�s busy in some other darkness
And then I didn�t sleep so well
Waited a while, forehead pressed to the cold glass,
Breath misting it, obscuring my view of the empty garden.

I saw it again
The day before my birthday
In the garden
In the bright sunny day.
It had been there a while
Tucked away discreetly
Away from the lawn
Screened by nettles
In the cold dusty shadow of the shed,
Where I used to hide, before.

I crouched there, oblivious
To its quiet presence
A fly landing on my hand
And I glance down to my left
Only an inch or two away
The mass of white things
Like wriggling grains of rice
One dripping eye left.

Shot backwards by the mostly imaginary stench, I land in the nettles.
Struggling back to my feet, I caught a full view.
All popped and torn. The dead thing was alive with
Little animals, dipping into it and eating things.
Unrecognizable apart from the bristles,
Mostly inside out, tickling each other.

I ran inside and tore off my clothes and showered furiously
Washing the twigs from my hair and the mostly imaginary stench
From my skin.
I kept scratching at the nettle stings all through the day.
That night I blinked at the garden through my window
For a while, then I remembered.
I didn�t cry much at all when I went to bed
And I didn�t sleep very badly either.
The next day was my birthday.
It was fine. Then I went to bed.

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Replies:

[> Tr�s interesting yo. It seems to be a fantastic contrast between life and death. Not enough on the hedgehog though. I think you need to be more enchanted/fascinated with le hog for it to be poignant as oppose to curious. I suppose the images of death are a little too strong, and the images of life are not strong enough. I loved the reference to all things imaginary, the imaginary predator and the imaginary stench of death. Very provocative. Cosily disturbing. -- George, 07:01:47 05/01/01 Tue

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[> I think the end stinks. Confused. It feels like one of those; "And then I woke up and it was all a dream" faalalalalala Happy Birthday// -- George, 07:04:21 05/01/01 Tue

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[> Thank-you George. Anyone else? -- luke, 09:21:58 05/25/01 Fri

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[> well for one the first line and title and many bits of it are so edward thomasish that i can't take it seriously anymore. it seems way too mocking of that kind of style that i seem to find it funny just imagining you sitting there laughing over it yourself too. so, um, sorry if you dont indend that!!! its quite good otherwise and i guess i quite like it though but its not my favourite at all. want to reply to mine, perhaps? :P -- zeina, 13:30:49 05/25/01 Fri

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[> I think this is really good. The childish tone and setting and the whole tiptoes thing really works well. Its just the final stanza, infact no its the whole showering thing. It all seems so drastic and so much older. OK i get the loss of innocence in a way but it just seems such a jump from the tone before. The 'falling over' shock bit is where i think you should have left it. The blinking at the end really works as well and no i dont agree with george. -- james, 21:53:25 05/25/01 Fri

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[> When I handed this in I changed the last line to "I don't remember it so well" -- luke, 09:47:44 05/26/01 Sat

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