well for one the first line and title and many bits of it are so edward thomasish that i can't take it seriously anymore. it seems way too mocking of that kind of style that i seem to find it funny just imagining you sitting there laughing over it yourself too. so, um, sorry if you dont indend that!!! its quite good otherwise and i guess i quite like it though but its not my favourite at all. want to reply to mine, perhaps? :P -- Some Let Me Make You

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Date Posted: 13:30:49 05/25/01 Fri
Author: zeina
Subject: well for one the first line and title and many bits of it are so edward thomasish that i can't take it seriously anymore. it seems way too mocking of that kind of style that i seem to find it funny just imagining you sitting there laughing over it yourself too. so, um, sorry if you dont indend that!!! its quite good otherwise and i guess i quite like it though but its not my favourite at all. want to reply to mine, perhaps? :P
In reply to: luke 's message, "I liked animals" on 05:48:19 05/01/01 Tue

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[> I think this is really good. The childish tone and setting and the whole tiptoes thing really works well. Its just the final stanza, infact no its the whole showering thing. It all seems so drastic and so much older. OK i get the loss of innocence in a way but it just seems such a jump from the tone before. The 'falling over' shock bit is where i think you should have left it. The blinking at the end really works as well and no i dont agree with george. -- james, 21:53:25 05/25/01 Fri

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