it could do with a title which kind of rounds it all up... i.e. 'plane crash' because before i knew what it was i was kind of confused. i'm not wure about the whole 'liquid arrow' bit too... i like 'air belches'. its kind of disturbingly tickly. like it it just tickles me in a mom funny way. like itch on inside of head. nevermind... i love 'plunging dead' as the last two words. i dont like 'keenly' it seems too much like ooh thats a sharp sound. -- Some Let Me Make You

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Date Posted: 16:58:14 08/19/01 Sun
Author: zeina
Subject: it could do with a title which kind of rounds it all up... i.e. 'plane crash' because before i knew what it was i was kind of confused. i'm not wure about the whole 'liquid arrow' bit too... i like 'air belches'. its kind of disturbingly tickly. like it it just tickles me in a mom funny way. like itch on inside of head. nevermind... i love 'plunging dead' as the last two words. i dont like 'keenly' it seems too much like ooh thats a sharp sound.
In reply to: luke 's message, "trying for a general onomatopoeiac effect" on 19:04:47 06/01/01 Fri

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[> I think this sounds amazing, for onomatopoeic effect youve done really really well. It doesnt make much sense though. I really like the single words at the start of a new line like "twist" and "kicks" but the "shrieking shards" i thought you lost it. I think shrieking and shards are just too soft sounding especially shards with the s at the end. Youve made it sound really dazzling and violent at the same time and it seems short and breathless too so i put my hands together for this. -- james, 18:54:49 08/20/01 Mon

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