I feel very embarrassed putting this up especially with the stupid 'pee' rhyme but it's the only thing I've managed to finish -- Some Let Me Make You

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Date Posted: 18:16:16 08/21/01 Tue
Author: luke
Subject: I feel very embarrassed putting this up especially with the stupid 'pee' rhyme but it's the only thing I've managed to finish

Give me your hand, don't be shy.
Sorry mine's sweaty, please don't cry.

Give back my hand, you wicked thing.
I know your plans, you can't fool me.

What words are these? How rude! My my!
I'm railed on so and don't know why.

Stay right back or I swear I'll scream.
I've heard of you , you beast, you fiend!

Now now, be calm. My help's for free.
I'll help you cross. It's safer you see.

Take that! My spit upon your shoe.
You swine, that's what I think of you.

To help you here, I tried my best
And this is all the thanks I get.

It serves you right for scaring me.
You are lucky it was not pee.

Poor boy, you've made me angry now.
I'll get you back and I know how.

Hands off! Oh please, just let me be.
they'll hunt you down. My daddy he_

Scream all you like, it's an empty street.

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[> wow. i really liked this actually. i was all enthralled with my face right up to the screen when i read it!!!! a few odd moments like 'pee' and my daddy he... but i really liked this. the actual rhmye rhthym thing is amazing. its got such a little melody in it. actually the rhthym makes it for me. if it didn't have that i'd probably hate it but still i love it now. -- zeina, 00:56:27 08/23/01 Thu

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[> i like it much more then the airplane one but then again i'm kind of odd sometimes and the airplane one actyually seems like the 'better' piece but i love this :) -- zee, 00:58:09 08/23/01 Thu

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[> if you want to work with it (the end is fairly powerful) it needs a rhythm overhaul - you don't have the rhythms of speech sounding natural. -- si, 00:30:38 09/03/01 Mon

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