Mostly I don't like this. The whole poem seems too easily summarised by the first line. 'Darkened in the centre' has similar effect (on me) to 'salty residue', too precise perhaps. In the third stanza she sounds very carried away, like she's drunk or having a breakdown of some kind. This is interesting in the way it succeeds more in describing the narrator than in describing the other person. I'm left wondering about the mental state of someone who thinks of their eyes as fuchsia. -- Some Let Me Make You

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Date Posted: 18:40:14 08/21/01 Tue
Author: luke
Subject: Mostly I don't like this. The whole poem seems too easily summarised by the first line. 'Darkened in the centre' has similar effect (on me) to 'salty residue', too precise perhaps. In the third stanza she sounds very carried away, like she's drunk or having a breakdown of some kind. This is interesting in the way it succeeds more in describing the narrator than in describing the other person. I'm left wondering about the mental state of someone who thinks of their eyes as fuchsia.
In reply to: zeina 's message, "i thought i'd decapitalise this one. suits it more i think..... i really ought to get over beaches and moon light though...." on 12:13:08 06/17/01 Sun

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[> If they are incompatible it is because the other character may be perfectly sane and does not see things so strangely. -- luke, 18:41:55 08/21/01 Tue

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[> [> wow. luke is definitely the 'warmest'. -- zeina, 00:47:53 08/23/01 Thu

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[> [> [> you do tend to think of poetry too much as though it were nothing more than a variant of crossword puzzle. -- si, 00:29:13 09/03/01 Mon

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