this is sooooo much better than the other one (in my opinion). its got more of something to follow and much easier to read too. there is also a bit of suspense built up here much more too. i like the way the corridoor is cold at the end too and the way we feel disapointment or 'awwwing' kind of feeling for the voice of the poem (hm?) at the end too without actually having heard him say ' i was sad' or whatever. -- Some Let Me Make You

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Date Posted: 19:26:41 04/25/01 Wed
Author: zeina
Subject: this is sooooo much better than the other one (in my opinion). its got more of something to follow and much easier to read too. there is also a bit of suspense built up here much more too. i like the way the corridoor is cold at the end too and the way we feel disapointment or 'awwwing' kind of feeling for the voice of the poem (hm?) at the end too without actually having heard him say ' i was sad' or whatever.
In reply to: luke 's message, "Another poem - Corridors" on 17:55:21 04/02/01 Mon

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[> Re: Another poem - Corridors -- George, 16:39:01 04/29/01 Sun

I'm not sure what kind of criticism to give but here goes. Very powerful stuff lucas. I liked it. The first time I read it I thought that it was a little bit confused. Upon re-reading I really like the ideas of adversity and "the courage to surrender," and the empty victories of self. Temptation, lust and learning to move with a reflection of something other than one's physical self// I dig// Either that or I'm totally full of shit//

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