Re: Advice -- Unofficial Chris Cornell Forum

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Date Posted: 18:26:00 03/03/06 Fri
Author: chico781
Subject: Re: Advice
In reply to: chico781 's message, "Advice" on 15:59:14 02/28/06 Tue

You know, what you just wrote reminded me of Jorge Luis Borges. He's one of the greatest writers in Latin American history and he just lived to read and write. He lived his life through writing and pretty much holed himself up in real life.

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[> Re: Advice -- chico781, 16:04:31 03/21/06 Tue [1]

Well, I've been meaning to write about what happened but so much has been going on that I just couldn't bring myself to do it. So here it goes...

After seeing her, I wrote her the longest e-mail stating the case for us. I just totally poured my heart out. She wrote me back telling me that she was going to write me a letter. I'm not much of a pushy guy so I decided to let her write her letter. Everyday I woke up to check my mail and still no letter. I felt like shit. I started to believe that whatever she was writing was not going to be what I wanted to read but I just wanted an answer. I couldn't hold on anymore. I waited and waited. My days were complete hell as I was waiting for a letter that would let me know if my relationship with this girl was over or not. Then I just lost it. I sent her a text message telling her that what she was doing to me was destroying me and that I needed an answer. I deserved so much more than what she was going to do. My friend came over that night and we got drunk. When he left I went to check my e-mail just in the off chance that she had written me back. She had but it had absolutely nothing to do about us. She just wrote me about how she had gotten a teaching position and that I had a lot to do with the fact she had gotten it. I totally lost it. I called her at 3:30 AM to get an answer. I couldn't wait any longer. She didn't pick up but she called me back in like 2 minutes. I just blew up on her. I called her every name in the book but I specially called her weak. She didn't have the scrupules to be honest with me after all that we had been through. I asked her how she allowed me to buy a house, why she said yes when I asked her to marry me, why she had told me to hold onto the ring for whenever we were ready if she never intended to come back. It was totally insane. She didn't even defend herself because she knew I was right. She cried and told me that I was completely right and that she was weak, that she just didn't know how to tell me. She told me that she would never be able to forgive herself. It was crazy because by the end of the call I was the one comforting her. We talked until the sun came up and later in the day she came over and we talked face to face. I laid everything on the table. I had nothing else left. When she left, I was in complete shock. I went to my parents' house and I just cried. The pain I felt was unlike any that I would have imagined possible. I felt empty and lost. Every day since then has been a challenge. I don't know what emotion I'm going to feel from one day to the next. There has been anger, depression, anxiety, relief, hope... I feel like God has a bigger plan for me and that love will come to me in time and it will be better than ever. I really believe that which makes me feel great. Yet, I just feel sad because a thing that once was so beautiful is now over. My life as I knew it is over and now I have to start over new. I feel like I'm a leaf floating in the air and I'm waiting to see where I land.

I just want to thank all of you guys who have given me advice and kept me in their thoughts because I have needed all the support in the world to get through this.

Thanks...

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