Re: myspace high school bully dilemma -- Unofficial Chris Cornell Forum

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Date Posted: 23:56:14 02/19/06 Sun
Author: chrys
Subject: Re: myspace high school bully dilemma
In reply to: chrys 's message, "myspace high school bully dilemma" on 20:28:52 02/19/06 Sun

all right...

as soon as i read stillreign's response i was of and running, lol. i will show you guys what i wrote:

chris,

you probably don't remember me, and may not even after i tell you who i am. i went to high school with you at PTHS but was a grade or two ahead of you. my name is chrys buckley and i used to hang out with heather brink and a few other mutual friends. one day during our junior year, our friend steve from belleville called and told you that one of the girls in our group had a crush on you. my name must have come up, because steve told me a few days later that you said, "i hope it's not that albino freak."

that really hurt my feelings. that was a completely inappropriate thing to say, and somethig that i have never forgotten. just because i look different and have a genetic condition that most people don't have to deal with (something that i have zero control over), does not make me a freak, or make it okay for anyone to treat me that way. it is not easy, socially, to live with such a condition, and all these years later, your sentence still follows me around. it's become almost a knee-jerk kreaction when i'm meeting new people or interested in some guy, to wonder to myself, oh what if they think that way too? luckily most people i meet these days aren't that insensitive, and will look at people as people and not as some image or label. and still what you said echoes in my head.

you may not remember any of this, but i just looked up PTHS on myspace today for the first time and when i saw yours, all of this came back up again, and i didn't want to let it go without saying something.

and yes christian, i have considered these things. not really sure what to do with them though. btw i was 17 and he was 15. i would like to think at that age i would not have said something like that, either to a person directly or not. it is really hard for me understand how anyone would even think that was okay. i mean 15 isn't 5. then again, i think having a condition tha'ts different maybe gave me a heightened awareness of stuff like that at a young age. like maybe b/ci knew what it felt like, i was more aware of not saying stuff like that to other people. also my momwould have gone apeshit if i had ever said anything remotely like that, like based on soemoen's appearance or race or disability or something like that. so i had that instilled at a much younger age. it just seems like common courtesy/human decency to me, but oh well.

anyway as for the purpose, i guess its' like, i couldn't say anything at 17. i wastoo scared, and scared he'd figure otu that yes it was me w/the crush. i totally had no clue how to stand up for myself then, and anyway i was mousier than a mouse at school. so this feels like my chance to do it over and hopefully to do it in a mature way like w/o being some sort of total asshole in return.

okay here is his myspace:

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=2461066

he has some cool bands on there. oh well i feel weird about the whole thing but at least i sent it and can't undo it now.

and btw, here's mine:
www.myspace.com/lotusmoonflowering

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Replies:

[> Re: myspace high school bully dilemma -- chrys, 00:05:32 02/20/06 Mon [1]

yeah i dont' know if it was the right thing, or if there is a specific right thing, but i already did it. i almost felt like i couldn't not do it. but i hope i did it in a way that was not immature or asshole-ish.

my inner 17 yr old is still scared though, like omg what is he going to say?

i don't quite know what's gong on in my life but i feel like i've been in a lot of situations lately where the point has been to stand up and tell ppl how i really feel, and again not in a totally angry jerk off kind of way. but first there was the thing w/my parents, leaving early and that whole tense situation. then lately i also had to tell a woman who wanted to come "evaluate me " (b/c of my eyesight) on my daily living skills that i was extremely uncomfortable with the idea of her coming to my house. then i had to fire the girl who was doing some typing for me, or should i say who was supposed to be doing some typing for me, lol. she kept telling me, okay this afternoon, tomorrow, later this week, and it had been a month and a half since i got any work from her, not to mention the stuff i idd get it took me so long to undo the errors adn a lot of times i had to look at my originals to even figure out what it was supposed to say. and i also just sent my mom a letter askig for some info on some things. so it has seemed to be a running theme, like how to say things and still have understanding of the other person, but still say what is needed.

it's tiring lol.

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[> [> Re: myspace high school bully dilemma -- Christian, 08:17:34 02/20/06 Mon [1]

The other thing to remember is the Chinese Whisper factor. He might not have even said what you were told. Second hand information is nothing if not reliable at being completely unreliable...

When I was a schoolkid - there was this really anti-social guy in my family group named Ian. He was a goth who did karate and would do shit like sharpen his fingernails into points. He wore long black trench coats and was a poster child for a Columbine massacre. One day, I don't even remember what set him off but BAM, he punched me in the mouth and busted me pretty good. He was a couple of years older than me and by the time I started fighting back, teachers and others came in to break it up. I hated him all through school for that. To this day I can still remember a massive dallop of blood hitting the floor as my lip split.

A couple of years after I left school, I was at a Uni party and ran into him. He was so apologetic about what had happened years earlier, admitted that he was a complete dickwad in highschool and had no excuse for what he did to me. We ended up hanging out and getting pissed together that night.

My point is that it would be a pretty tough call to hold someone accountable 8 years down the track for something they did/said (or supposedly said/did) when they were a 15 year old schoolkid. I doubt there's anyone in the world who can exempt themselves from the category of doing or saying something in their teenage years that was hurtful or they regret. I can't. Can you Chrys?

I think it's good that you got it off your chest though.

C.

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