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Blinking furiously, she battled against the tears that were trying to hard flow free. She wasn't willing to walk that path--not yet. It had been disheartening that she'd been unable to read into Seth's reaction to her words--the man was an expert at shielding away his emotions. To stand before him and deliver her heart's most treasured secret had been hard enough...to do so without knowing how it effected him had been harder yet. She watched as his face, saw his furrowed brow and thoughtful expression and grew apprehensive. Was he thinking of how to let her down easy? Was he thinking of ways to tell her just how crazy and illogical this whole thing was? As the seconds spanned between them, her heart began to race. Why wasn't he saying anything? Why hadn't she been able to redeem any reaction from him? Suddenly, he moved--evaporating the distance between them as his lips crushed down against her own plush ones. A whimper escaped her as she melted into him, kissing him with the hunger of a woman starved. His hands plunged into her hair, intoxicating her further. One tiny hands rose to rest upon his stubbled cheek, while the other played with the fine hairs at the nape of his neck, nails drifting whisper-light against his flesh. There was passion in his kiss--passion she wasn't sure she'd ever fully experienced, not in this way, anyways. He was kissing her like a man who'd been on death row, only to receive pardon in the last few seconds of his life. Could it be that he felt the same about her? Could it be he wanted her on the same level she wanted him? Or was this a simple knee-jerk reaction to the emotionally charged situation? Regardless of what it meant, Nev wasn't ready for the kiss to end when he finally pulled away. Amber gaze opened slowly as his lips pressed to her forehead, a soft sigh escaping her at the feel of them on her flesh. His words followed, making her heart feel as if it had dropped to her stomach. A stricken expression overtook her delicate features, and she blinked at him. He didn't want her to stay. He wanted her to go back. For the sake of her career? For a job? Her chest felt heavy, as if weights ha been stacked upon it, making it hard to draw a breath. She hadn't quite realized just how much she'd prayed he'd feel the same about her...that he'd want her here with him. Having that hope drift away was one of the most helpless feelings she'd ever experienced. Her lips parted as she desperately sought to find her voice, to respond somehow...but it simply wasn't working. Then, he pulled away from her, those pale blue eyes peering into hers of whiskey. His gaze looked clearer, somehow...the confusion having faded, leaving that discomforting thoughtfulness front and center. Her chest rose as she took a deep breath, fearful of what was next. She was terrified she wouldn't be able to erect he wall that would separate her from him...that she wouldn't be able to keep it together until she could walk out of this place. If anything, she wanted that much dignity...to be able to say she'd tried, and had not made it a messy waterworks event. She was not that type of woman--if he didn't want her, she would not make him feel guilty of it. She blinked at his words, not registering them fully at first. Two weeks? Not leaving? What? Her own thin brows knitted as she fell into thought, regarding him with slight confusion. First, he'd kissed her as if she'd been his lifeline...next, he'd told her she couldn't stay. Finally, now he was telling her to give her notice? That he'd be here when it was over? She found difficulty in her attempt to process the crazy shift of emotions, taking a slight step back as she surveyed him. Did he need those weeks to figure things out? To decide if he wanted her? It was logical, to go back for her career...but the thing was, Nev had been logical her whole life. She was sick of doing the right thing, of pleasing everyone else. She found she didn't give a damn about her career, he superiors, he colleagues, that whole city. She'd felt alive, truly alive here...it was a hard thing to let go of. She barely registered his comment about warmer clothes as the thoughts whirled with the fury of a hurricane within her mind. Was it the easy way for him to let her go? Seth hadn't seemed like the type of man to opt for what was easy...but then, she hadn't seen him in this type of situation, either. "I see." She said softly, brows furrowing deeper as she tried to wrap her head around it all. "I can go back...give you some time to think." She murmured softly, pulling her gaze back to his. "For a couple weeks...til the holidays, if you need it. It's crazy, all of this...I know." She forced a small smile, trying to salvage some sense of good cheer, even though she felt confused at best. "It was a lot of me to put on you really. I'm a silly woman--I could have just called you..." Though she knew if she'd gone that far, she never would have. She'd have lost her nerve. She felt foolish, in truth. Impulsive and rash--it was the exact reason she maintained her poise, did everything she was supposed to do. She wasn't good at the spontaneous stuff, this whole fiasco being the perfect evidence. She should have thought about it--should have considered just how crazy she'd look, standing shoeless and soaked in his department. The more she thought of it, the more mortified she became. A hot flush took to her cheeks, the room suddenly seeming small and suffocating. "I am, too." She responded slowly, then lifted her guarded gaze. "I'll have Stan take me over this time, so you can get some work done. I'm...sorry about all this." _______†______†______†________ Touch me I'm cold Unable to control Touch me I'm golden And wild as the wind blows And tumbling tumbling Don't go, fascination If just for tonight darling, .L e t s. g e t. l o s t.  †2010 Dodge Challenger† †Furious Fuchsia† | |