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Date Posted: 22:27:50 11/18/99 Thu
Author: CaffeineBoy
Subject: CaffeineBoy in the House

The arena is starting to empty out after a GCW house show...

Then, Blink 182's What's My Age Again? blasts over the speakers, and the crowd explodes, as CaffeineBoy makes his way down to the ring wearing a pair of jeans and a black DeCaff-X t-shirt.

He walks down the ramp, talking to a few fans on the way, and slides into the ring. He poses at four corners, then stands on the ropes and faces the crowd.

He gestures to the ringside crew and they throw him a mic.

CaffeineBoy: Now...I'm here, one night before FRIDAY NIGHT DESTRUCTION, to tell you...what I think..about this little Royal Rumble, and the Six Man Survivor Series match.

Now you see, at the Royal Rumble... Hell, what Royal Rumble, what kinda bastards signed up for that other than me? I've been sitting around...and hell, I can't remember a single damn name that comes to mind when I think of the Royal Rumble. Come on, hopefully some of ya remember you're in the damn thing, or else I'm going to be the only person going in and obviously...the automatic No. 1 Contender, which after all, >IS< a rel=nofollow target=_blank slot that I, the Crown Prince of Caffeine, rightfully deserves.

There are four simple facts in this Royal Rumble. I think I'll list them right now.

a) (pauses) I am, the single fastest up and coming...hmm, well I ain't that guy, but hell, I deserve that title just as much as he does...But anyway, let's just say that I >AM< the game, and going into the Royal Rumble, I'm going in with the confidence of my...numerous fans, as opposed to the so-called "billions of LOD's fans..." hell I don't even think we have this show outside of USA and Canada, but even if we were showing GCW in Mexico, England, and a hell of a lot more countries, I still doubt there are "billions and billions" of people in them.

Statement B) (pauses) More than half the damn people who signed up for the thing HAVEN'T SAID A F*CKING THING WHEN IT COMES TO IT!! Hopefully, these people haven't had an "unfortunate accident" and suffered amnesia.

Statement C) (pauses) This isn't a frickin Royal Rumble at all... Like I mentioned earlier, half the people probably forgot they're in it, and we'll end up with maybe three or four people coming out for the thing.

Statement D) You might as well THROW AWAY THE F*CKING RUMBLE, BECAUSE I AM THE GAME, I AM THE MOUTHPIECE OF DECAFF-X, AND WHEN YOU CLIMB INTO THE RING WITH ME, THE ONLY WAY YOU'RE LEAVING, IS WHEN I BEAT YOUR SORRY ASS DOWN, AND YOU LOOK UP...INTO THESE TWO EYES...and then at that moment, you know that...

Crowd: I just decaffed your ass...

CaffeineBoy: (pauses) I JUST DECAFFED YOUR ASS! then at that moment...You know that all that practice going over the top rope is gonna come in handy.

Now, I must speak of this Six Man Survivor Series match.

Well, I guess my particular team is full of people who all think they ARE THE GAME, when the...well hey, I might not be original...but I sure kick ass...when the Crown Prince of Caffeine is on the team, they DARE SAY THAT THEY ARE ALL THAT? Well the simple fact is this: It doesn't matter who the damn game is, because going out of Destruction, after we've beaten down LOD...all ties are off.

After I win the Royal Rumble Todd...well then...after I win, I'm going straight to Death Pilgrimage...then...I will stomp a mudhole in your ass all over the f*cking ring...and then, your ass will be decaffed just like ALL THE OTHER F*CKING LOSERS IN GCW!

As for LOD...Well they might have coherency on their side, but the simple facts about them are this: We have many MANY oversized pieces of shit inside this stable...Half of them are capable of speaking maybe one or two sentences... Well then... How about this, I challenge any one of you to a f*cking interview match...and hell, the guy that can say the most is the new f*cking GCW Champion...ok?

(laughs his head off, so does the crowd)

Now if your thick skull did not correctly interpret that which I clearly explained to you...Half your damn team is mute or something...and oh yeah...your mystery partners aren't such a mystery.

Remember, Iceman, Hotshot, "mystery", and "mystery" climbing into a train or whatever little piece of shit transportation they got to replace their little 75 cent wagon? Well, if we saw them-they wouldn't be such a mystery.

And hell, it won't be such a mystery when I f*cking beat their heads in with something very hard, heavy, strong...hey don't look down there, ya sickos...but that one thing-is my fists.

One more thing, I just have to say this...

"And that, my friends, is a wrap!"

(laughs as he climbs out of the ring and walks to the back)

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