Stardoe grabs up her handheld PC and starts scribbling with her little plastic pencil thingy. -- X-Philes World-Shipperville

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Date Posted: 04:09:43 08/27/01 Mon
Author: Stardoe
Subject:

Stardoe grabs up her handheld PC and starts scribbling with her little plastic pencil thingy.
In reply to: Kande's Sis 's message, "Right before Stardoe announces the end of the contest" on 09:16:21 08/25/01 Sat

Gather round everyone. I'm about to announce the winner of the bitch contest. Lets' all go off to the klub and get comfy before I make the announcement.

They all toddle off to the klub except Rabid and Mulder and Scully of course, who are watching the proceedings via video linkup. As they wander down the street they spy the garage sale where KS is busily handing over all of Kande's and Kenamom's stuff to complete strangers.

Stardoe notes KS's efforts in the bitch window on her HHPC and motions CW, Lana and KS to come along to the klub. KS has a huge grin on her face knowing that she will undoubtedly win this one. Kenamom and Kande eye her vengefully as they stroll along.

Finally they reach the klub. Bubba has the drinks all poured and everyone takes a seat.

Stardoe chinks on a glass to get everyone's attention.

"Now ladies and gentlemen and others. Finally the moment we have all been waiting for. The announcement of Queen Bitch of Shipperville. Soon the illustrious party will be enthroned in the town square to preside over the citizens of Shipperville for all of one day. Now....." Stardoe pauses for dramatic effect. ...."Let me first announce the runner up. That would be KS. Come up here KS and receive your prize. "
KS is stunned. "NO!" she shouts "It can't be me! I won, damn you, I won!" She grabs the hamper full KM's and Kande's garage saled stuff and hoiks it over the bar. "It should have been me" she wails as she sinks to the floor in a jealous pathetic heap.
"Well" says Stardoe "It would have been you but I have been watching, and really, that last trick of the winner's took the cake. Saying horrible things, stealing and selling off possessions, running over cats, blowing up libraries doesn't come as close as actually running over a person and breaking their arm. So I announce the Queen Bitch to be none other than our very own Morono....KANDE!!!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH!" screams Kande as she rushes over to hug Stardoe. "Thankyou , thankyou , thankyou. I can't wait to begin my enthronement in the town square. How proud I will be to sit upon the Bitch throne and gaze down upon all you low lifes. Even if it is just for one day. "

Stardoe gives a little smirk and graciously takes Kande's arm and leads her over to the door.
"Your throne awaits my queen. " says Stardoe as she blindfolds the enthusiastic Kande before taking her out onto the street.

All the citizens of Shipperville follow as Stardoe leads kande, the new Queen Bitch to the town square. They all gasp in amazement as they spy the throne that Stardoe had knocked up in her spare time.

"Here you are oh illustrious queen."says Stardoe in a gracious tone as she gently postions Kande on the seat.

Everyone stares in stunned silence. Stardoe hands Kande her orb and sceptre and places the crown upon her head as she grins from ear to ear. Stardoe then removes the blindfold and the photographers from the Morono Gazette race in to click happy snaps of their newly anointed boss.

After a couple of minutes Kande glances at her orb. She recoils in horror as she realizes that it is in fact a plant pot filled with sand with a candle sticking out of it. She looks over at her sceptre. She lets out a gasp as she realizes she is holding onto a gum tree branch with a roll of toilet paper stuck to the top. She begins to look all around her. Beside her is a box of matches and a lit mosquito coil on a tin plate. On the other side is a bottle that has 'BAN-ODOR' written on it. Kande starts to look frantically around. She is encased in a crudely constructed little wooden shack lucky to be 3ft by 3ft with cracks in the sides and a tin roof. "What on earth is this? " she wonders in horror. "What sort of a throne is this supposed to be?"
"That, my dear Kande," drawls Stardoe, "Is a dunny, otherwise known as a throne. I think that a dunny makes a good throne for a Queen Bitch, don't you think?"

Kande is livid. All sorts of images of killing Stardoe race through her mind as she thinks of the front page of the Noromo gazzette. Suddlenly she feels something crawling across her backside. "OOOOOOOOWWWWWWW" she yells
She jumps up and races away, clutching her aching arse, candle flying and dunny paper flapping.
The citizens all stare in wonderment as Stardoe strums a few chords on her guitar and begins to sing....

"There was a redback on the dunny seat, when I was there last night.
I didn't see him in the dark but boy I felt his bite.
Now here I am in hospital, a sad and sorry sight.
And I curse that red back spider on the toilet seat last night.!!"

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Replies:

Whew, glad I didn't win. -- Kande's Sis, laughing at Kande running down the street, 08:32:58 08/27/01 Mon
- Stardoe stops strumming her guitar to listen more closely to JD and KS's conversation. -- Stardoe, 04:01:04 08/28/01 Tue
- Kande is still pleading her case to Stardoe. -- kande, 04:08:35 08/28/01 Tue
  - And then she'd add 'Sis' to the waistband -- Kande's Sis is explaining to JD over hot chocolate, 06:55:48 08/28/01 Tue
    - Shaking her head in amazement at Stardoe who can be at two places at once.... -- kenamom, taking a potted plant to the invalid Rabid, 09:05:43 08/28/01 Tue