NOROMO GAZETTE, Shipperville's Alternative Newspaper (05/20/2002) -- X-Philes World-Shipperville

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Date Posted: 05:06:22 05/20/02 Mon
Author: kande
Subject: NOROMO GAZETTE, Shipperville's Alternative Newspaper (05/20/2002)

motto: The End of an Era.

TOP STORIES

The End Is Here
Shipperville citizens gathered at kande's klub last evening to watch the last episode of The X-Files, the greatest television show ever. The two hour finale brought gasps and tears from the crowd. When it was over, the tape was rewound and watched three more times.

"Well, I guess you could say it was a success," said Shipperville Mayor Kenamom. "I mean, even Rabid approved. But it's still over."

Klub owner Kande chimed in: "The root beer is all gone. The Red Speedo Revue have left town along with the Dancing Danas. Now what am I supposed to do?"

At closing time, the patrons gathered 'round the piano and sang the X-Files theme song. "Da da da da da daaa!"

Noromos Claim Vindication
Town Noromos high-fived each other after last night's series finale of The X-Files. The Noromos issued a statement after the show aired.

"With the announcement that William was, in fact, an alien, we feel truly vindicated in our sustained belief that Mulder and Scully have been nothing more than friends. Further, that kiss was merely for Skinner's benefit. Face it - ever since that prostitute died in his bed, he's been a little...shall we say...gun-shy. All in all, the episode was a fine display of friendship."

When asked to respond, local Shippers guffawed. "You've got to be kidding!" hooted one who asked to remain anonymous. "Those Moronos are living in a dream world if they think Mulder and Scully are just friends! How, in the face of all the evidence, can they continue to hold fast to that ridiculous belief?"

Noromos responded by pointing to Mulder's poster. "'I want to believe' sums it up for me," said one Noromo.

LOCAL STORIES

No Local Stories This Week
Due to intense preparation for last night's series finale of The X-Files, no local stories were found.

SPORTS

Sporting Events Cancelled
Shipperville Mayor Kenamom announced last week that no sporting events would be held until next month. "First, we need to prepare for the upcoming finale of The X-Files. Second, once the show has aired, we need a respectable period of mourning. Third, my ankle is still swollen."

When sporting events do resume, all uniforms will display an "X" on the left sleeve.

CLASSIFIED

Lost: One television show. Contains idealistic and slightly 'out there' FBI agent partnered with scientist and medical doctor FBI agent. If found, please call 555-ENDGAME.

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Replies:

Ad for Classified 'Lost' Section -- kenamom, still wondering in cyberspace, 05:27:36 05/21/02 Tue
- Limited Quantities of Rootbeer Available Worldwide -- AP News Service, courtesy of KS, 06:39:40 05/21/02 Tue