- Rest In Peace Justin! -- Wolfie, 12:34:08 01/13/02 Sun
Since my own words are failing, I will just post some lyrics!
Snow is falling down on this glorious land
colors fading, turning into white again
To fallen heroes angels sing, they cry their winter tears
endless mourning days will turn to years
So this is goodbye, I take leave of you and
spread your wings and you will fly away now, fly away now
Nothing on earth stays forever
but none of your deeds were in vain
Deep in our hearts you will live again
you're gone to the home of the brave
Every solemn moment I will treasure inside
even though it's hard to understand
that a silent wind can blow the candle out
taking everything leaving the pain far behind
You call out my name, but your voice is fading
into the wind, embraced, you'll fly away now,
fly away now
Nothing on earth stays forever
but none of your deeds were in vain
Deep in our hearts you will live again
you're gone to the home of the brave
My eyes are closed I feel you're faraway (so close)
far beyond that shining star
I know you'll find what you're been fighting for
far beyond that shining star
Down on bended knees I pray, bring courage to these souls
make'em live forever in the heart of the bold
So I say farewell to my friends, I hope we'll meet again
when my time has come to fall from grace
So this is goodbye, I take leave of you and
spread your wings and you will fly away now, fly away now
Nothing on earth stays forever
but none of your deeds were in vain
Deep in our hearts you will live again
you're gone to the home of the brave
Hammerfall - Glory to the Brave
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- You'll be remembered Justin -- Ray, 14:41:03 01/13/02 Sun
GONE TOO SOON
Like a comet
Blazing cross the evening sky
Gone too soon
like a rainbow
Fading in the twinkling of an eyes
Gone too soon
Shining and sparkling
and splendidly rise here one day
Gone one night
Like the lost of sunlight
On a cloudy afternoon
Gone too soon
Like a castle built on a sandy beach
Gone too soon
Like a perfect flower
Just beyond your reach
Gone too soon
What to amuse, to admire
in delight here one day
and gone one night
Like a sunset
Dive with the rising of the moon
Gone too soon
Gone too soon
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- Justin u are with us in our dreams -- Alex aka allyboi, 16:43:00 01/13/02 Sun
I cant come up with anything right now it hurts to damn much i will miss u justin more then u will ever know u were one of my best freinds and i was so happy to have known u i will never forget our late night chats and how silly i was and u didnt mind u laughed at my bad jokes and i loved flirting with u, u made me feel so special and u were always there for me when i needed someone thank u for that.
i am having a hard time dealing with this cuz god seems to wanna take people from me but i know something now that god only takes the best god had bigger plans for justin guess he needed a right hand man to run things for him and now he has our justin to make things better in heaven.
JUSTIN U ARE ALWAYS IN MY DREAMS
I LOVE YOU JUSTIN ALWAYS AND FOREVER
If I'm gone when you wake up
Please don't cry
And if I'm gone when you wake up
Please don't sigh
Don't look back at this time
as a time of heartbreak and distress
Remember me, remember me
'Cause I'll be with you in your dreams
Don't cry I'm with you
Don't sigh I'm by your side
Don't cry I'm with you
Don't sigh I'm by you side
And though my flesh is gone
I'll still be with you at all times
And though my body is gone
I'll be there to comfort you at all times
I don't want you to cry and weep
I want you to go on living your life
I'm not sleeping an endless sleep
'Cause in your heart you have all of our good times
RIP JUSTIN
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- I wish it didn't hurt so much Justy - cause when you were here you'd never intentionally hurt anyone -- <:) ed/duck, 09:23:34 01/14/02 Mon
The world is a lesser place and it has been deminished with Justy's departure. I have known Justin since he was 13 - and we shared bad times and good - it wasn't one sided - I could write pages and pages about him yet are there any words in any language to describe adquately a young man with such a beautiful heart? Right now Justy just hurts too much so I'm just going to snag a couple of paragraphs out of that letter I sent you for you dad Christmas 2000 - I know Justy that it wasn't your intention to leave us - I wish I knew some words that could ease the pain of all your friends and lessen the devastation that your family is going through - but there arn't any - not in any spoken language - all I can say is I'll see yu'all when I see yu'all my little okie friend - I'm a better and wiser person for having known you Justin -
The rest is a letter that was addressed to Justy's dad from me December 26th 2000. I don't know if Justy passed it on to him or not - but I do hope his Dad gets to read it now and all the other nice words from so many whose life's justin touched one way or another.
There are two words that come to mind when I think of Justin and neither term is an exaggeration of who your son is. They are prodigious (a child of highly unusual talent or genius) and precocious (developed or matured to a point beyond that which is normal for the age). As I explained earlier in this letter, I became aware of Justin due to his posts on some message/advice boards Your son has demonstrated over and over again that he is a kind, caring, compassionate young man, who has wisdom far beyond his chronological age. When one reads Justin's posts whether they are just informative or with advice to another, they demonstrate not only the response from a kind, compassionate individual who truly cares, they also reflect a thought process, ability to communicate his thinking and a wisdom of content, where one would honestly believe that they were dealing with a mature and wise adult. To then find out that these posts were the expressions of a fourteen year old adolescent was almost beyond comprehension. He has quite often taken the time to try and help others who are having some sort of difficulties or crisis in their life's - and his efforts to help others have been unconditional and selfless. He truly has a beautiful heart.
I realize of course that in day to day life you see Justy with many of the normal and sometimes irritable traits of any adolescent boy, but let me assure you if you have not seen or are unaware of this other side of him, he is without a doubt one of the most intelligent, sensitive, caring young men that I have ever had the privilege to come into contact with.
I am going to end this letter now, with my last little bit of advice - BE PROUD OF YOUR SON FOR HE IS INDEED A FINE YOUNG MAN (and although he may not be with us now in this physical form - wherever that astral place wherever his home now is HE IS INDEED A FINE YOUNG SPIRIT - AND SHOULD YOU READ THIS SIR, FATHER OF OUR FAVORITE OKIE - BE PROUD OF HOW YOU RAISED HIM, AS A RESULT YOU HAVE A FINE YOUNG SON TO BE PROUD OF - AND SOMEDAY YOU WILL BE TOGETHER AGAIN IT'S LOVE THAT LINKS OUR SOULS AND LOVE LIKE GOD IS INDESTRUCTIBLE AND FOREVER!
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- A poem -- ien, 13:39:18 01/13/02 Sun
A poem I like for a boy I'll miss
I'm Free
Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free.
I'm following the path God laid for me.
I took his hand, when I heard His call.
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day to laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way.
I've found that peace at the close of day.
If my parting has left a void then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss ...ah yes, these things I too will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow.
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I savored much,
Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief.
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me.
God wanted me now, he set me free!
Be free Justin
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- First quarter gone -- Ashley D, 15:08:55 04/04/09 Sat
Just checking in Justin. Never out of my mind.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- Slow healing and time -- Ashley Dawson, 00:42:13 01/16/09 Fri
I came here today for no reason other than to be a little closer to Justin. SO many of his friends and people who didn't even know him firsthand are here in essence as well.
I thought that time would heal a broken heart but all it seems to have done is just keep the wound open.
Still love ya Justy and I think of you often.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- Another year has gone -- Alie, 14:28:07 12/31/07 Mon
I still miss you Justy.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- Birthday -- Ashley D, 19:51:39 09/15/07 Sat
Tomorrow the 17th would have been Justin's 21st Birthday. If anyone would like to leave a message you can at www.voy.com/10846/
He is sorely missed by many
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- Hey you -- ien, 15:24:44 04/11/07 Wed
Every now and again you pop into my mind. I know you're happy as can be, watching all of us try so hard to figure it out, when you know how easy it is. All you need is love :)
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- hey -- Lance, 21:38:36 01/01/07 Mon
sending out a cosmic hug to let you know we're still here, still think about you. oklahoma is in overtime. i know you would have been glued to the tv or maybe you would have been at the game.
everyone's getting all grownup, lots of us have moved on, but i don't think a new years day will ever come and go without you crossing my mind justin.
miss you kid. ::hugs::
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
Replies:
- hey -- Crzy, 16:10:39 08/25/06 Fri
I thought of you today..no surprise in that. Just hard sometimes to look at this board, your pics,...
(To ashley:
ashley, i'm really sorry i didn't see your post for all this time. i'm so sorry. but justie saw it and he knows.
next time someone posts something here, please send me an email or post on crzyhouse and let me know, ok? i try. life's just really crazy and i'm always out on tour.)
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- 2006, still missing you -- Ashley Dawson, 13:29:16 02/18/06 Sat
It still is a sad and sorry thing Justy that you are no longer here. All the words I could write here and all the things I could tell you but I will never have them returned. NO comments, and no smile from reading your replies.
Until yet again I can chat to you Justy, keep my space along-side you.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- It's been a long time.... -- Comicality, 19:39:31 12/29/05 Thu
But even though I've mourned in silence, I have never forgotten you, kid. Never. I keep the last email you sent me in a safe place, and to this day, I'm still attempting to take the last piece of advice you ever gave me. I haven't gotten it right yet, but occassionally, I feel you giving me a much needed smack in the head...and it helps.
I know the day is coming soon, and as always, my prayers are with you and your family. Thank you for the time you were able to give us Justin. I miss you bud. ((Hugz))
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- Justy's Birthday -- Ashley D, 03:29:35 09/18/05 Sun
Justin, wherever you are in the universe and whatever you are doing, I hope you can sense that people are remembering your birthdate.
Today you are 19 and I wish you were here so I could wish you that. Happy Birthday to you anyway my friend.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- My heart has been touched... -- Celest Rattliffe, 19:43:25 02/02/05 Wed
Tonight I read the many words of consolation and memories of your son, Justin. A son is a son, no matter what age--Your love for your child will forever remain.
Hopefully, by now, you are in less pain as the fond memories of Justin live on. My 23 year son took his life on October 20, 1988. It’s sometimes still troubling that I don’t know why he took his own life, or if someone else was involved. If he took his own life, I wonder why, if someone else took his life, I wonder why. He left behind two sisters and three brothers who took it very hard. They were a very close sibling group. Rocky was so full of life—he loved everybody he met; you may have been a stranger when you first met, but not for long. He had a large circle of friends (even his high school buddies kept in touch). Sometimes it seems like just yesterday that we laughed and cried together; sometimes I cry; sometimes I smile lovingly at the memories.
My son’s name was Roderick, but we called him “Rocky” because when he was born, both of his hands were in the form of fists. I see him in people and the things around me—that, I believe will never change. I do have more loving thoughts and memories of him as time goes by and less pain. After his death I couldn’t listen to the type of music he liked, I would always turn it off; I couldn’t look at his photos, his clothes or anything that belonged to him without breaking down in tears.
For the first five years after his death, I lost time from work, closed myself off from my family and friends and prayed incessantly. I finally sought counseling. I was told that I was stuck in the denial mode of grievance. I’m still making progress--Today I don’t cry as much; I smile now when I think of him. The holidays are the hardest time to get through but it gets easier—but the love and missing his presence hasn’t gone way.
In my case, even though it has been years, I still think of him lovingly and I smile more at the memories. I believe that I will always have tearful memories and loving memories of his time with us, and I think that is a good thing. Time makes it easier to cope, but he will always be present in our hearts.
I still participate in support groups. Being with and relating to others who have gone through the same suffering helps me to feel better; and knowing that I’m not alone in my grieving eases my pain; also knowing that I am proof that we can survive after the loss of a love one.
It still pains me when I think of him, knowing that I will never see him in this life or the words I will never hear again. Rocky touched me in a way that no one else ever has. My prayer to him: “Rest on and watch ever over the ones you loved and cared for.” I close my eyes and I can envision his emotional hugs and kisses. He was a very affectionate and loving young man.
Any time you’d like to express your feelings or just need to communicate with someone who has gone through the same tragic situation, feel free to e-mail me--when people say, “I know how you feel”, I can truly relate—You can’t know unless it has happened to you.
Celest H. Rattliffe, February 1, 2005
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- another year bud -- <:)Ed/duck, 05:20:44 01/05/05 Wed
Seems another year flew by when I wasn't looking Justy.
Geez you would be 18 now and I think you were 13 or so when you first quacked at me online -
Just thought I would drop in let you know that I definitely have not forgotten you my friend and doubt that anyone that had any in-depth contact with you has either.
Be at PEACE my young okie friend and I'll see ya when I see ya
Love & Peace
Ed/Duck
ps don't forget if you hear some quacking going on - JUST QUACK ON BACK CAUSE IT'S PROBABLY JAMES
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- It's been three years to the day -- A friend, 13:44:25 01/01/05 Sat
I still miss you, my little Okie!
It was good to see your gravesite last year.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- Justin -- Stephen, 08:56:27 12/06/04 Mon
I'm sorry I never knew you, from what I can see and read you were a wonderful person with probably a great future. I'm sorry that your gone. I would have loved to get to know you and meet you someday.
Take care, and be well my friend.
~Stephen~
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- Ducky thanks for reminding me..... -- Alex N, 21:01:55 09/18/02 Wed
Happy Birthday
Justin we miss you so much.....
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
Replies:
- Not forgotten my Okie friend -- <:)Ed/Duck, 11:04:14 09/19/04 Sun
Happy Birthday Bud - So many miss You
Rest in Peace My Young Friend........
Your time was short but you did an excellent job while here.
"We'll miss you Justy"
.......ed/duck
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- Happy Birthday Justin! -- A friend, 10:56:56 09/18/04 Sat
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- sometimes words aren't enough -- Lance, 07:14:55 01/01/04 Thu
to express all that is in my heart. i feel such sadness today ...this week. i'm not a naturally sad person, but sometimes i grieve.
in a few hours, it will have been 2 years. justin i miss you and i think of you a lot...whenever I hear a song, or read a poem, or for no reason at all, i'll see your face and think about you.
you were never a sad person when we talked. we always talked very enthusiasticly about music, bands, and gay rights and whatever was going on at school. we didn't always agree on everything because you were your own person. you knew what you believed in and i respected you so much. i was so proud of you. you would have been a great activist. a force to be reckoned with. you already were.
i feel that i do your memory an injustice because of the tears in my eyes, on my face. we didn't share tears when you and i talked. we shared laughter and ideas.
so today, in memory of how i knew you, laughing and strong and so wonderful, i share this song.
it always made you laugh - made me laugh
and so I post it here to honor that memory
of happier times
when we shared a song, shared a laugh.
i put this song on now, and crank up the volume. I can never hear this song as long as i live without thinking of you and getting a great big smile on my face. i know you can hear it and i know you're laughing and smiling.
for justin~
Her name is Noel
I have a dream about her
She rings my bell
I got gym class in half an hour
(screaming all together now)
Oh how she rocks
In keds and tube socks
But she doesn't know who I am
And she doesn't give a damn about me
(everyone at the top of your lungs)
Cause Im just a teenage dirtbag baby
Yeah Im just a teenage dirtbag baby
Listen to Iron Maiden baby with me
ooooooooo
Her boyfriend's a dick
And he brings a gun to school
And he'd simply kick
My ass if he knew the truth
He lives on my block
And he drives an Iroc
But he doesn't know who I am
And he doesn't give a damn about me
(everyone as loud as you can)
Cause Im just a teenage dirtbag baby
Yeah Im just a teenage dirtbag baby
Listen to Iron Maiden baby with me
oooooooo
Yeeah dirtbag, no she doesn't know what she's missin
Yeeah dirtbag, no she doesn't know what she's missin
Man I feel like mold
It's prom night and I am lonely
Low and behold
She's walking over to me
This must be fake
My lip starts to shake
How does she know who I am
And why does she give a damn about me
I've tickets to Iron Maiden baby
Go with me Friday, don't say maybe
Im just a teenage dirtbag baby like you
oooooooooo
Yeeah dirtbag, no she doesn't know what she's missin
Yeeah dirtbag, no she doesn't know what she's...missin'
(i know justin screamed these lyrics, laughing, dancing around)
Im just a teenage dirtbag baby
Yeah Im just a teenage dirtbag baby
Listen to Iron Maiden baby with me
oooooooo
and now i'm smiling thru tears thinking of you, missing you. you're in my heart. you'll always be in my heart.
~ missing you today and always
Lance
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- Happy Birthday Justy! -- Alie, 05:16:20 09/18/03 Thu
Still thinking of you almost every day...
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- For Justin -- Lux, 10:37:26 02/25/03 Tue
It's been a year now since you were here now
and I've been trying to heal inside.
Dedications of how I placed
and I see your resemblance in my face
and on your birthday I said an extra wish for you
And I have learned so much since you been gone
and I have done so little for so long.
So now I'll settle up my grivencies
and focus on the savory
and wave all these discrepancies away .
And I'll figure out these misconceptions
give out faith at my discretion
live a life that you would think was sane (sane)
Displaying changes
that they have made
and I wonder if you really wanted it this way
and in your memory they even hung a plaque for you (for you)
And I have learned so much since you been gone
and I have done so little for so long.
So now I'll settle up these grivencies
and focus on the savory
and wave all these discrepancies away.
And I'll figure out these misconceptions
give out faith at my discretion
live a life that you would think was sane
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- sometimes -- CHRISTINA, 19:55:13 02/04/03 Tue
SOMETIMES IN OUR LIVES THINGS GET TOOKEN OR MISPLACED
BUT WE ALWAYS HAVE OUR MEMORY AND OUR LOVE
WHICH NEVER CAN BE TAKEN AWAY OR MISPLACED
PICTURES FADE AND TIMES PASS
BUT THE MEMORYS WILL ALWAYS BE THERE
I BELIEVE THAT IF YOU LOOK UP THE SKY AND YOU LOOK AT THE BRIGHTEST STAR THAT WILL BE THE LOVED ONE THAT YOU HAVE LOST I LOST THREE LOVED ONES AT ONCE AND EVERY TIME I LOOK UP I SEE THE THREE BRIGHTEST STARS IN THE WORLD
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- Have you been pulling some strings up there Justy?? -- <:)Your friend the friendly Duck aka Ed, 18:12:26 01/02/03 Thu
For you Justy my Okie bud
They made the Rose Bowl (a small miracle)
then again my friend with your ability to articulate your viewpoint
it wouldn't suprise me abit if GOD was now a Sooners fan
Not only did they get there Justy - look what they did!
Wish you could have been here to see it.
|
|
OKLAHOMA SOONERS
34
WASHINGTON STATE
14
|
I miss you my Okie bud as do so many!
ehg
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- Justin -- James, 08:41:15 01/01/03 Wed
I was checking a discussion board today of all days and came across a mention of Justin and a link. Following it, I came across loads of sites and boards dedicated to someone - apparently a teenager who'd died a year ago. As I started reading, I got the impression that I was getting to know this guy - through his discussion board entries he might as well still be alive, speaking to me directly even a whole year after his death. But what amazes me above all is the number of people who knew him, had a word to say or a poem to post.
I never realised such a guy - a young guy, noone famous, just a special guy - could have such a massive impact on so many people. It's truly awe-inspiring.
So, Justin, you touched my life, though I never knew you except through your message-board words which live on now and into the future to touch still more lives, here are some of my own.
Now and forever, "frater, ave atque vale"
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- It's been almost a year. I think about you a lot and miss you. -- Lance, 04:51:47 12/17/02 Tue
A couple weeks ago I came across a letter I had saved that I was writing to you. I never got to send it. I had forgotten all about it. In it, I was discussing something about gay rights (of course) and it brought back all the discussions that we had. I couldn't even read it.
I was very proud of you Justin. I don't know if I ever told you that, but I was very proud of you.
I don't know what happens to people when they die. Ducky thinks you're in some place -heaven? - where you'll be hanging out with lots of other people. If that's true then you met a whole bunch of my friends from high school. They're your age, a few a couple years older. They're all prolly still taking gym class with Miss Puchi just so they can check her out. Alex is prolly still stage diving. The song I wrote for them is recorded now. It was one of the hardest things I ever did but I finally sang it and I wouldn't quit until it sounded exactly how I felt, sad and angry and screaming. And I guess maybe you met Robbie. He was 14. And Matthew. And Gwen.
Maybe you all are together. I don't know.
But I know your memory lives on in the people who knew and loved you. I miss you.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
Replies:
- One of the last posts Justin made Posted 12/07/01 "About Christmas -- by Justin the Okie" -- Lance, 05:07:36 12/17/02 Tue
- Justy, it will be a year, in 2 days, since ya left us. The tears then were real, they still are, (NT) -- Ashley, 00:18:09 12/30/02 Mon
- Your death weighs heavy on my heart as the hour comes closer. One year ago... -- Lance, 13:58:08 12/31/02 Tue
- One year, and there are few days I don't think of you. I miss you Justy. (NT) -- Alie, 07:40:40 01/01/03 Wed
- Was talken to Alexx and we both been thinking bout you - JUST SO DAMN SAD THAT YOUR NOT HERE JUSTY - -- <:) duck/ed, 08:51:47 11/10/02 Sun
you had so much to offer - well bud yu'all fucked up and I think the big boss is going to make you DO IT AGAIN - wonder if will meet up in the next incarnation - in the meantime if you hear some quacken - say hi to my lil duck - tell him I miss him and my love is forever - and I'll see him when I see him!
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- Because it still hurts -- Ashley, 15:46:15 10/19/02 Sat
It still pains me when I think of the person I will never see in this life or the words I will never see come on my screen again. You touched me in a way That no one else ever did Justie. Rest on and watch ever over the ones ya loved and cared for. Hugs
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- Just thinking about you bud -- <:) duck/ed, 02:49:15 10/14/02 Mon
kinda hoping you've run into my lil duckie by now.
So many truly cared about u justy and most never even met u in person - you were truly a remarkable young man with a beautiful heart.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- Go SOONERS! -- jfbiii, 22:13:42 09/08/02 Sun
Miss your football posts, guy.
:(
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- dont know what to say -- someguy, 13:17:53 01/13/02 Sun
but like i was once told we say all by just being there. if you are just there you need say nothing. you have said it all.
mar.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
Replies:
- Never forgotten, a MATE -- Ashley, 00:32:07 03/25/02 Mon
Almost three months Justy. I feel today as I did when I heard. My heart has a piece removed and I wonder if ever it will heal, maybe it will always be there so that I never forget the special part you played in my life. Hugs for you Justy... a couple of tears as well. Love you always mate.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- Just thinking about you Justy... -- <:) duck/ed, 14:33:36 02/14/02 Thu
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- Farewell -- A Friend, 04:25:10 01/25/02 Fri
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- To Justin Father, and Family -- Anthony Hawksley (Hawkeye), 22:39:34 01/19/02 Sat
I never met Justin, but from I’ve heard from others, he was special to his family and friends. I wanted to send my thoughts to the family and friends who knew him, and to whom he was very close with... Death is apart of life, and we all know it will happen to us someday, but we will never be prepared for it.
But when a young man like Justin does die.. We’re very heartbroken... I feel sorry for the father, who expects his son will outlive him. But this is apart of life and we must pick up and move on life, without Justin. My love and heart goes out to the family and friends
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
Replies:
- To Justin -- Gem, 03:44:15 01/19/02 Sat
I just REALLY wanna pay my respects to Justin.
I'm not one of the lucky people who knew him, and I'm sorry for the ones who lost him (Just be greatful that you were lucky ebough to have been blessed by his presence, everything happens for reason). I read everything you guys are saying, and like...it's pretty intense and it's overwhelming how much he was loved, it brings tears to my eyes...I don't actually know exactly what happened to him.(was it sucide?)
Blessed Be Justin...May your heart live on and flourish for eternity.
I hope I've said enough
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
Replies:
- I believe James would be proud and happy to share the dedication of this poem -- <:) ed, 05:13:53 01/17/02 Thu
As a few of you are aware I lost my best friend, companion, lover and soul mate about three and a half years ago. We were together for 8 years, first as friends, then best friends, lovers and ultimately soul mates.
After he passed I wrote this poem the only one I have ever written and dedicated it to James whom I love with all my heart with all that I am and shall continue to do so not only til I draw my last breath but then beyond for Love like God is Forever.
I have been running on empty for over three years, my absolute belief in our spirituality which I attempted to express in Journey's Respite has often been the only thing that kept me going.
I Love James and I most definitely was in Love with him. Justy bud I was not in love with you but you were a kind, beautiful human being and I Love you. I'm positive that James won't mind at all if I dedicate these same words to you my Okie friend ..
To both of you - I'll see yu'all when I see yu'all!
Journey's Respite
You've departed this Earthly stage
A painful incarnation now time past
now I'm just a lonely member of this terrestrial cast.
Shrouded by a Divine Veil
which I cannot pierce
Oh! To realize and be allowed to see
that Astral place where you'll be Your Spirit everlasting
Your Spirit indestructible
with our Lord without a doubt
there you'll be
there you'll be With our Lord without a doubt
in love and peace and blissful light
Yes with our Lord in tranquil peace
there you'll be
there you'll be 'Till that day
Salvation Divine
together again
with the Lord our Spirits will soar
with the Lord our Souls aware
in everlasting peace and blissful rest
Selfless Love eternal
there we will be
there we will be 'Till that day
I'll live my best
until my rest
When I despair
and your love I must have
I'll look to my heart
for there you'll be
yes there you'll be Remembrance of hugs and joy
and visions of your smiles
in my heart they'll be
yes in my heart they'll be 'Till we're together again
in harmony with Him
then there we will be
yes there we will surely be Forever My Love
My Love Forever
Dedicated to James Biondo - December 1970 - July 1998
"A Beautiful Heart, A Loving Son, Brother, and Friend"
My Best Friend, Lover and Companion - My Soul Mate
I Love You and I Miss You ....ehg 10/98
|
James won't mind me sharing these feelings and including Justin and I'm sure Justy will understand and won't mind if I leave the dedication and link to James' page as I'm just not capable of changing that
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
Replies:
- A web site has been created - IN MEMORY OF JUSTIN THE OKIE. -- Sergio, 18:02:32 01/17/02 Thu
Here's the link -
Click here IN MEMORY OF JUSTIN THE OKIE
Lance insisted on building this entire site by himself. A friend wrote the opening message - we still have to check to see if they wish to be anonymous or if Lance can put their name on it.
If anyone has any comments, suggestions, or items (especially Justin's Poems) to contribute please send them to me or to Lance. His E-mail is xcrzypunx@hotmail.com
I think he did a great job. Let him know if you like it.
~PEACE AND LOVE~
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- Requiescat In Pace Justin!! -- Toni from Cali, 01:05:13 01/17/02 Thu
I have to say this. I don't know why but I have to say something!
I didn't know Justin at all. And I am SORRY. Sorry that I never took the opportunity to know such a wonderful person loved by so many here. Sorry that first thing that I know about Justin is that He Is Dead. I will never get to know him now it is much too late. but maybe I will know him in the life to come. I pray for that grace that I may KNOW him and he may KNOW me.
In times like these words are not enough, and we stretch the boundaries of language & express our pain through poetry and song. But I have no poetry, no song so these my wooden words must serve.
My heart goes out to all of you who grieve! I know my empathy is just a pale shadow of your hurt, but it is there and I will cry with those who cry and laugh when you laugh. Because we are all one blood and one people; one family.
Forgive my rambling. Just know that Justin's family and all of you are in my prayers always.
Pax et Amor!!!
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- This is for u Justin -- allyboi, 23:57:06 01/16/02 Wed
I had to send another song to u justin hugs to u dude and i wanted to say that ur dad and nancy are awesome people i am glad i got this chance to meet them i just wish it would have been a different way i could have met them but thank u for being in my life and u will always be a part of me love u dude
When I think back on these times
And the dreams we left behind
I'll be glad 'cause I was blessed
To get to have you in my life
When I think back on these days
I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me
In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there'll always be a place for you, for all my life
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am there you'll be
And everywhere I am there you'll be
Well, you showed me how it feels
To have the sky within my reach
And I always will remember all the strength you gave to me
Your love made me make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me
In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there'll always be a place for you, for all my life
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am there you'll be
Cause I always saw in you my life, my strength
And I want to thank you now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
Always
In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there'll always be a place for you, for all my life
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am there you'll be
And everywhere I am there you'll be
There you'll be
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- For someone I never knew -- Jack Rowan, 19:36:14 01/16/02 Wed
It's always a tragedy when a child dies. I never knew Justin. But reading the posts here from his friends, I'm starting to get an idea. So here's a little poem for him.
--
Along the branch, just six, he edges feet apart,
empty air beneath, singing, shoes slippery on wood.
As ever, another watches, watches, ice in heart,
in agony of silence and fear, pride of fatherhood.
On, don't stop! Sing the old songs, child! The world holds
his love, the wide, expanding compass of this valiant joy,
alert, dancing, the excitement of the chase unfolds.
Everything! Seize it! the bold ambitious yearning of a boy!
Behind the curving earth soar rumoured shards of light;
reach to them now! Storm the dull horizon! Find truth
in danger, he sang wildly, capture that unknown bright
world, grasp it in brave unthoughtful transcendent youth...
Then dear feet slipped. And weeping, someone said:
"Not for you, beloved. Here, take My hand instead."
JR
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- Thoughts.... -- Dwayne, 09:17:23 01/16/02 Wed
It’s been a couple of days now since I found out about what happened. My emotions have ranged from indifference to sorrow to disbelief to rage. I’ve printed out a picture of Justin and hung it on the wall of my cube.
Every time my eyes cross it, I see a smile, not just on his lips, but in his eyes as well. I can only imagine the happiness behind those eyes, the sadness, the mischief, the intelligence, the dreams and desires. And every time I look at it, that hole in my chest comes back, and grows a little deeper.
I see a fifteen year old boy in the prime of his adolescence, his life lay before him like a wilderness, unexplored, begging to be discovered, pleading to have it’s many paths trodden on by his feet. But, alas, it is not to be.
Justin, you’ve been taken from us. It doesn’t matter how it happened. The fact remains, you are not here with the people whose lives you have touched, those who love you. Even though you knew some people well, and others hardly at all, you touched each and every one of us in one way or another. For some of us, we realize only too late what a treasure we had in you, and grieve for not knowing you as well as we could have.
You’ve left a wonderful group of people behind, Justin. All miss you terribly. If it were physically possible, we’d gather somewhere and tell stories of your life, listen and learn again what a tremendous young man you were. But as it is, with the great distances that separate all of us, we do the best we can: We create this virtual memorial, where I find my feeble words failing to express the depths of our pain and sorrow- my pain and my sorrow.
I will never forget you, Justin. You’ll always be in my heart. You’ve touched me, like you’ve touched so many others across the world.
For what it’s worth, and if I may presume, I love you, my friend. Rest well, and rest peacefully.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- Rust In peace Justin -- Payman, 08:13:15 01/14/02 Mon
Justin,
I Think i Knew you less than anyone here couse Not only I haven't had a chance to talk to you But also i Haven't read any post from you too...but i feel so sad that you have left ( but i know, now you are in better place) and i didn't get a chance to even know you,
My hearts cries for you and all of your friends that knew you and are hurting for you,
My best to Justin Family and Friends
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
Replies:
- You will be trully missed Justin -- warp1, 02:13:16 01/16/02 Wed
I have read many messages that Justin wrote on the board. I was very impressed with the way he wrote and the mature way he expressed himself.
He was an excellant person who was taken to early in his life.
Rest In peace Justin.
Below is a song which has helped me in the past when someone I respect and love is taken.
Holes In The Floor Of Heaven
One day shy of eight years old
My grandma passed away
I was a broken hearted little boy
Blowing out that birthday cake
And how I cried when the sky let go
With a cold and lonesome rain
Mama smiled said "Don't be sad child
Grandma's watching you today."
Cause there's holes in the floor of heaven
And her tears are pouring down
That's how you know she's watching
Wishing she could be here now
And sometimes if you're lonely
Just remember she can see
There's holes in the floor of heaven and
She's watchin over you and me
Seasons come and seasons go
Nothin stays the same
I grew up, fell in love
Met a girl who took my name
Year by year we made a life
In this sleepy little town
I thought we'd grow old together
Lord I sure do miss her now
But there's holes in the floor of heaven
And her tears are pouring down
That's how I know she's watchin
Wishin she could be here now
And sometimes when I'm lonely
I remember she can see
There's holes in the floor of heaven
And she's watchin over you and me
Well my little girl's twenty-three
I walk her down the aisle
It's a shame her mom can't be here now
To see her lovely smile
They throw the rice, I catch her eye
As the rain starts comin' down
She takes my hand says "Daddy don't be sad,
Cause I know Mama's watching now"
And there's holes in the floor of heaven
And her tears are pourin down
That's how you know she watching
Wishin she could be here now
And sometimes when I'm lonely
I remember she can see
Yes there's holes in the floor of heaven
And she's watchin over you and me
Watching over you and me
Watching over you and me
Watching over you and me
Warp1 (John)
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- such sadness... -- bry, 20:26:09 01/14/02 Mon
i didn't really know justin very well, we only exchanged a couple of emails, but i have read many of his posts on various message boards and i have seen that he was a remarkable young man. my thoughts and prayers are with him, his family and all his many friends here. i thought i would include a few lines from the prophet by kahlil gibran:
only when you drink from the river of silence
shall you indeed sing.
and when you have reached the mountaintop
then you shall begin to climb.
and when the earth shall claim your limbs,
then shall you truly dance.
justin, i hope you are having a glorious dance.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- i love you justin -- camo, 16:24:27 01/14/02 Mon
to justin's father: im so sorry, you have no idea what a great gift justin was to all of us, ecspecially me, he was a great person, a person who you wanted to be around, and who would bring light to the conversation, i cant believe this happend, and i will remember and cherish the time i had with him always, as comsie said, "gone but never forgotten"
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- I Dont Know How To Express This -- Ken, 15:40:30 01/14/02 Mon
I was shocked like everyone else to hear about Justin. I only had the priveledge of knowing him for about a year. I read his posts and talked with him in the Sat night chat. He was a very smart and level-headed boy. Even though I am 4 times his age he was my equal in thinking and expression of that thought. He will be missed a lot and there will always be a empty spot in my heart for him.
Ken
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- This father grieves for your father Justin. -- Lyndie 8-(, 10:26:49 01/14/02 Mon
A piece of our hearts has been ripped out, just as your father's heart now aches. We will always love you.
A father can't always be there, but will blame himself for not being there the rest of his life.
Dear Sir, please remeber your son with love in your heart and don't blame yourself for that which you had no control over.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- A few Words -- The Rhino, 09:45:41 01/14/02 Mon
Well, I recently was speaking to ed (bester) about this whole issue, and I had said something along the lines "I think I will remain in my Stoicism." to which Ed replied "You always do." I had planned on staying quiet throughout this whole ordeal and to silently say something which is how I handle everything. But, I am inclined to say a few words, and send my condolences to his family. What could i say about Justin that hasnt already been said within this page? I knew Justin, not as well as some, but better then most probably. I remember the last talk we had, how I got so frustrated him over his fanatical ideas on Socialism. I remember saying "Justin, your the type that will either change the world, or die trying." Unfortunately, he never got his chance. Then again, if we think about it, he will make a difference in his own way. If only to save another person from what might happen. I remember laughing at Justin for his crazy music, and him making fun of my 'Soft Rock'. I remember talking to him late late at night, as we kept our insomniac selves company :) He used to say "say something! Anything, Just keep me awake. Sleep is BAD!" And wed go on laughing nights away, making fun of each other, and trying to outsmart the other one. Our last conversation I remember him saying "I could say something mean right now (as we fought about politics)." and i pressed him, yet he never said it. He "wanted to part on good terms" and so we did, as friends. I always figured if there was someone around here that thought as I did, it was Justin. I shall miss those long nights we shared together. I keep telling myself there was nothing I could have done, but if i had only known. Justin only lived an hour from my house, I cuold have been there in a heartbeat had I known. None the less, I think Justin is in a better place now. He was and still will remain a good kid in my eyes. Rest in Peace My friend.
Carpe Diem,
The Rhino
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- You know how I'm feeling and I'll just say what you told me -- JOSIE, 09:03:19 01/14/02 Mon
in our latest conversation.
" I'll cya later Justin" :)
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- .... -- eddi, 01:29:27 01/14/02 Mon
......
das all i can say
i am speechless
i can't think, cuz my brain is a mush
i can't see, cuz i've cried my eyes out
i can't hear, cuz i dun want to hear
i dunno, ...just cuz i dunno
i love u, okie...
rem wut i told u?
YOU DA BEST....you really are da best...i meant it
i will miss u so much...so so so much
i love u...justy
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- I cried until I had no more tears -- Alie, 01:18:40 01/14/02 Mon
A bright light faded away.
I miss you, Justin the Okie, and I will never forget you.
My thoughts and my prayers are with you and your family.
WHEN I HAVE GONE
When I have gone
the sun might burn still
The planets still move
to their own laws
round a centre
no-one knows
The lilac still smell
as sweet
as snow sends out its white rays
When I go away
from our forgetful earth
will you speak
my words
a while for me?
Rose Auslaender (1901-1988)
We will speak your words and sing your songs for you, as good as we can.
Farewell, Justy
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- Good bye Justin, you were such a wonderful young man. You will be missed a great deal. -- Mike, 23:50:36 01/13/02 Sun
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- I'm so sorry I have to lit a candle again... -- Silvo, 22:14:08 01/13/02 Sun
Rest in peace my friend.
and a silent HUG to all of you who miss him...
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- To :Justin....I will miss you -- Alex Nelson-Bright, 21:32:08 01/13/02 Sun
Morning smiles
Like the face of a newborn child
Innocent unknowing
Winter's end
Promises of a long lost friend
Speaks to me of comfort
But I fear
I have nothing to give
I have so much to lose here in this lonely place
Tangled up in your embrace
There's nothing I'd like better than to fall
But I fear
I have nothing to give
Wind in time
Rapes the flower trembling on the vine
And nothing leads to shelter it
From above
They say temptation will destroy our love
The never-ending hunger
But I fear
I have nothing to give
I have so much to lose here in this lonely place
Tangled up in our embrace
There's nothing I'd like better than to fall
But I fear
I have nothing to give
I have so much to lose
I have nothing to give
We have so much to lose
Fear by Sarah Maclachlan
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- Another Candle in the Wind -- Ron, 20:50:52 01/13/02 Sun
I feel like such an interloper. It seems so strange to say good-bye to someone I never said hello to.
Justin, I knew you even less than Dwayne did (meaning not at all); and if that's anybody's fault, it is mine alone. Dwayne's thoughts and feelings so reflect my own; and he stated them so much more poignantly than I ever could that any attempt on my part to add to them would only serve to trivialize them. I wish I had known you, because I know my life would have been that much richer for it. The world is now so empty without you, yet still it is indeed a much better place because of your having been in it.
Good-bye, Justin.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- Because. -- Ashley Dawson, 19:20:50 01/13/02 Sun
It is a little over 14 hours since I heard Justin and Still, my eyes are sore and the tears havent stopped. I have been sitting going through all our chats since we met on ICQ, I loved the way you carried yourself, the times you were blue but wouldnt let it take you down.
I loved you then, I love you still. A stake through the heart would be welcome at the moment Mate..
This is something you once Typed to me and I felt so good, you WILL be missed mate, you will.............
dang man...........ya know, you've been through SO much, besides being a great friend to me AND ESPECIALLY to Ryan, you are also an inspiration to me for how you can still be so kind and have a positive outlook
You are always in my heart Justie, from your OZ Boi.....
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- Hey Justin, I will miss you very much, we all will ... -- Nathan, 18:21:11 01/13/02 Sun
I don't know what else to say dude. We all loved you so much. Rest in peace my friend.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- I will miss you very much, sweet Justin... -- Greg C., 17:44:14 01/13/02 Sun
you were a role model for so many, young and old, in that you refused to accept the status quo. You weren't afraid to speak out when you saw injustice. You were truly a prince and I can't type anymore because I'm crying like a little baby. God rest your soul, sweet prince Justin.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- This is so tragic. -- Dano, 17:34:17 01/13/02 Sun
It still hasn’t begun to sink in. I’m in a daze. Like so many others who knew him, I will miss Justin very much. I wish I had the eloquence to express what is in my heart.
Goodbye Justin
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- I really don't have any idea where to start or what to say -- Drew Greyfox, 17:25:23 01/13/02 Sun
Maybe I should start by saying I wish I had gotten to know Justin more. We didn't chat on IM or ICQ, I think we only emailed once or twice. But from the few times I did talk to him and from his many posts on the message boards and the many friends he made who all love him, I did learn what a special guy he is.
Justin had a passion for life, and an enormous heart to match. He wanted what we all want, love, peace, and a better world. And I think the way he lived his life has made the world a little better.
The only emotion that comes close to the deep sadness in my heart is the regret that I didn't get to know him better.
I never say goodbye, especially not to people that I hope to see again.
Laters Justin
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- I don't have a poem for Justin, but I do have a song. -- Luis Jr., 17:18:56 01/13/02 Sun
THE SPEED OF PAIN
They slit our throats
Like we were flowers
And our milk has been
Devoured
When you want it
It goes away too fast
Times you hate it
It always seems to last
Just remember when you think
You're free
The crack inside your fucking heart is me
(thought, not spoken):
I wanna outrace the speed of pain for another day
I wanna outrace the speed of pain for another day
I wish I could sleep
But I can't lay on my back
Because there's a knife
For everyday that I've known you
When you want it
It goes away too fast
Times you hate it
It always seems to last
Just remember when you think
You're free
The crack inside your fucking heart is me
(thought, not spoken):
I wanna outrace the speed of pain for another day
I wanna outrace the speed of pain for another day
Lie to me, cry to me, give to me
I would
Lie with me, die with me, give to me
I would
Keep all your secrets wrapped in dead hair always
Keep all your secrets wrapped in dead hair always
Lie to me, cry to me, give to me
I would
Lie with me, die with me, give to me
I would
I hope that we die holding hands
for always
I hope that we die holding hands
for always
I hope that we die holding hands
Our Justin is now a rainbow in the sky.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- My deepest condolences to Justin's family -- stew, 17:08:25 01/13/02 Sun
I never had the opportunity to speak with Justin, but I did read his posts at the shack, he seemed such a thoughtful and intelligent young man. He was a part of our online family and he will be greatly missed. I'm sorry I didn't get to know him better.
Goodbye Justin
Rest in peace
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- My heart is breaking. How do you say goodbye? -- Lance, 16:11:22 01/13/02 Sun
I can't believe he's gone. I don't want to believe it.
Its so senseless. And now one of our kids is gone and there's a great big hole in our family that will never be filled.
I don't know what I can say to comfort anyone. So many memories. I've know Justin since he was 13 years old. He was a great kid. He and I discussed politics, anti racist action, Mumia. We had all the same underground zines. He was a little baby radical and I loved talking to him, listening to his views. He was a just a baby. He would get so enthusiastic about things.
And he was a little rock and roller. He had a band. He was so excited when they played a club. It was so cute. I think it was one of the happiest times of his life. Everyone cheering for him up on that stage. We planned it for weeks, on e-mails. And he did great. They loved him.
He was so intelligent. Such a good writer. I want to thank Dano for posting the poem he had from Justin. I hope everyone who has a copy of Justin's poems and his pictures will share them with others. When AOL shut down our Queer Dollars Campaign, Justin offered to post it on his site. That was so sweet of him.
I know in 7th and 8th grade, he thought of himself as unattractive, overweight but like the ugly ducking, Justin became a beautiful swan. I'm not sure he ever realized or accepted that he was not only a beautiful person inside, but that he had grown into a gorgeous young man. I hope he knew that. I hope he knew.
In Junior High, his identity centered around football, partly because of his size and also because of his love for the sport and his talent. But mostly because he wanted his Dad to be proud of him. He was very good at sports and when I first met him, he had dreams of becoming a professional football player. That was his goal. A knee injury put him on the sideline but he really loved the game. Every fall, he would get so caught up in college football. One of the things he loved best was watching a game in person with his Dad.
This year, he went to a new school, a larger school and he was so excited about it. He wrote to me about the racial diversity and how happy he was to attend a school with african americans for the first time in his life. Justin had very strong feelings about racism.
He made the tennis tream and really enjoyed the sport but one thing that concerned him was the prejudice against black students that he overheard from a few fellow teammates. This really concerned and angered Justin. He wanted to confront them. Here he was, the new kid in school and he wanted to take on the popular established upper classmen because of their prejudice. Justin had a lot of heart and a lot of courage. He was an amazing boy.
At his new school he fell in love with a friend. He agonized over his feelings and worried about his friend finding out that he was gay. After a few close calls, Justin decided to come out to his friend. He was so surprised and happy and relieved that it went really good. He was accepted and they became even closer friends. Justin was so courageous. He didn't hide who he was.
I picture him in my mind, this kid who loved rock and roll and civil rights and politics and I see a younger me in him and it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart...
I think what could have been. The future he will never have. The things he would have accomplished. The difference he would have made.
The world has lost a wonderful person
We've lost one of our own, our little reporter who had visions of trying to walk in Drew's big footprints as one of our most passionate activists. He wanted to be like Drew.
It is so difficult to write this. I keep stopping because I cant see. I grieve, I rage, I rant, I cry.
Just a few days ago, I was handing out cyber xmas presents from my trip to California, I wrote, "To Justin the Okie - I got you a gig playing the Viper Room every week-end opening for national bands and a years supply of all the hot bois on Sunset."
It was so unnecessary for Justin to die. It was so stupid and so senseless. I cant imagine what his Father must be going through. To lose his son so suddenly and to wonder WHY.
We all wonder WHY.
WHY?
AEA takes 500 to 1000 young men's lives every year in the United States. Yet, until I watched it on QAF, I didnt know much about it.
I want all you guys (and girls) to know that this practice will kill you. The fear of talking about it, is that it will give kids ideas.
We have a lot of young kids on here. Maybe you've never heard of it. Well, now you have.
It killed Justin.
AEA can and does kill anyone.
Sex isn't worth dying for. A thrill isnt worth dying for. If Justin could take it back, he would. He didnt want to die.
Justin's father wanted everyone here to know how he died, to try to save others from the same fate. He hoped that by talking about this, he can saves other kid's lives.
Justin, this is so hard. I am so honored that I met you and got to know you these past two years. I will never ever forget you.
Good bye
-------------
"Let's get something straight. I hate Republicans. Let's get something else straight. I hate Democrats. Therefore, I like to consider myself a fairly non-partial observer......My own affiliation, the DSA..."
"I'm finally writing my first article for the school newspaper, a student letter this time before I join the staff after Christmas. It's explaining my views against nationalism in general and why I don't say the pledge of allegiance in the morning. Wish me luck, I know I'm going to take alot of shit for it anyhow, but I can't stay shjeletered here at this new school forever. Now on with with the news I deem worthy to post =P"
--------------------
"About Christmas --
If we're just going for the most memorable Christmas, that's without a doubt last year's for me, though Christmas Eve to be exact. December 24th, 2000, was when I came out to my dad. Thats one of those things, that god help me if I ever get alzheimers, will be the last thing to go.
As far as my fondest Christmas memories, it would probably be from when I was 7 and still living with my mom. That year I got a Super Nintendo AND one of those uber-kewl bazooka things that goes with it. I remember how much I used to LOVE that thing. My mom let me go over to my best friend Natilie's house that night and my mom came over and we all had Christmas dinner together. Hehe...I've always looked at girls more as friends I guess =P...and her mom was SOOOOOO nice, she never thought it odd at all that a boy loved to play with Barbies and the huge stuffed-animal collection I had. Hehe...pretty good memories =)"
----------------------------
"I feel all special and warm and fuzzy...I beat Drew to posting a bit of news =P"
-------------------
*smiles* -- Justin the Okie
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- Memories and recollections -- Bester, 15:48:12 01/13/02 Sun
I don't quite know where to start. I cant believe I only knew him for 5 months. It felt so much longer. And for the first couple of those, I hardly talked to him. Then we started talking late at night, for him. Cos of the time difference, I could stay with him really late until he finally did go to sleep. We talked about everything and anything. Who he had a crush on, music, books, languages, sports, how stupid rampant capitalism is, abstract philosophy. EVERYTHING. He was such an amazingly intelligent guy, so interesting, and he cared so much.
Oh god, I talked to him the day he died. I counted in the new year with him, then stayed till he went to bed. By the time I got up the next day, he was either dead or about to die. The last thing he said to me was "luv ya, gnight".
Goodnight justin. Sleep well. I loved you, I miss you, and I wish you were still here.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- The loss of even one diminishes us all... -- Badger (Geoff), 15:42:10 01/13/02 Sun
I never had the pleasure of meeting Justin online, but I have seen his postings on the Shack MB, and judging from them and from the outpouring of emotions from his friends here, I know he was a young man worth knowing.
Justin reminds us all of our mortality, that we are all together, and his loss really diminishes us all, even those like me who didn't actually know him.
My thoughts and prayers are with his family, who bear a load of grief that the rest of us can only imagine. May God in His mercy give you peace and consolation.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- Here are some pictures of Justin -- Wolfie, 14:36:36 01/13/02 Sun
Ashley sent these pictures to Dewey, and Dewey asked me to post them here!
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- silence -- kevin/winter, 14:35:37 01/13/02 Sun
tool- euology
"he had a lot to say, we'll miss him, we'll miss him."
rest in peace justin.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- I don't know what to say here... -- jalaki, 14:17:19 01/13/02 Sun
I don't really have any songs or poems to help relate with this...all I can think of are the memories of the short time I knew Justin...
He & I arguing over which of us had broader musical tastes, haha...I'm laughing as I cry now...God, that was great...
It just isn't fair. I'm usually the one to go and say "Yeah it isn't fair, that's life." but today I just don't feel like it. Why the hell does shit like this have to happen? Justin had so much potential, and in the blink of an eye it's all gone, he's gone...
Well, he'll live on in my heart, and I'm sure in all of yours too. You will be missed buddy...thanks for sharing parts of your life with us.
-=jalaki=-
"You may say that I'm a dreamer,
but I'm not the only one."
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- You'll always be remembered Justin -- Dave(TheEggman), 14:10:56 01/13/02 Sun
There are places I'll remember
all my life, though some have changed
some forever not for better
some have gone and some remain
All these places had their moments
with lovers and friends, I still can recall
some are dead and some are living
in my life
I've loved them all
But of all these friends and lovers
there is no one compares with you
and these memories loose their meaning
when I think of love
as something new
Though I know I'll never loose affection
for people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life
I love you more
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- Justin, our thoughts are with you -- Julian, 13:59:53 01/13/02 Sun
I never spoke to you Justin, but I read your posts on the Shack and every time I enjoyed reading those posts. You were always so lively, so spontaneous … what more can I say, I can’t find the words, since I got an e-mail from Iomfats this afternoon with the sad news it stays in my mind. We will remember you a long time.
To his father, and family, I wish them a lot of strength to cope with the loss of such a wonderful boy .
(I’m a father of a teenage son myself, I understand it must be a great loss.)
Julian (from the other side of the ocean, Belgium)
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- I just learned of this tragic -- Michael Simon, 13:44:32 01/13/02 Sun
May you rest in peace. That what I got to know of you is that you lived a full life. May these happy memories and minutes guide you wherever you are now. You leave behind great sadness, even in the hearts of insignificant people than myself who seldom had the pleasure talking to you. Rest well friend of mine!
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- I have so few words -- Tim, 13:10:24 01/13/02 Sun
All I have is a prayer, and that is in my head and quiet.
I think somehow the prayer spoken at the UK remembrance servcies on armistice day says it best. "He will not grow old as those who are left grow old." There is more. But my eyes are full.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- How can someone I never knew affect me so much? -- Dwayne, 13:06:26 01/13/02 Sun
I only spoke with Justin once, and for just a few IM's. I saw his posts on the MBs, especially the posts about Ou, and thought, "how annoying". I know people get into sports; I never have been able to follow any of it, but how crass is that? Being annoyed because someone loves a game and their team?
I've been reading the boards today, and I talked with a couple people last night who knew him. Reactions range from anger to deep sadness, a celebration of his life to a dirge for our dead.
I sit here, taking all of this in, wondering why I never made an attempt to get to know such a vibrant person; a boy full of life and love, and every answer I come up with- no- every EXCUSE I come up with- is pathetic in the extreme. "I don't have the time," or, "I'm too tired right now," or, "I have too much to deal with of my own."... pathetic.
And then this happens.
Tears fill my eyes as I type, realizing the friends I have who knew him are grieving, and shedding tears. I can feel in my chest the hole that has been left in their hearts, and it's almost enough to tear me apart. If I can feel this way about someone I never met, how must Justin's friends feel?
He was fifteen. He had so much potential. I think that's what bothers me the most: A young life snatched away from us; someone who touched lives and would have touched more as he grew into manhood, middle age, and his twilight years. I wish I could have known him.
Another part of me asks, "Should he have known better?" Yes, I think he should have. But, as is shown ad infinitum, knowing better doesn't prevent us from doing something wrong, or something deadly dangerous.
I want to scream at God, "Why did you take him from us?" But neither will answer. Not until I do meet him in the next life will I know. I have to believe his death serves a purpose. Maybe, as terrible and horrendous as it sounds, this tragedy is meant to teach us a lesson. Perhaps that was his whole purpose for being here on this earth.
But I can't believe that to be the case. He touched so many lives, was there for so many people. Perhaps THIS was why he was here, and for what ever reason, he was called home, his tasks here finished.
We must go on. Grieving is required, but we must continue. He wouldn't want us to dwell on his death. Celebrate his life, the joy he has given each and every one of us who knew him. Live your life to the fullest, my friends. In this way, you honor him and his memory.
All I know for sure is that this sweet,innocent kid, young man, friend, is in a better place than here.
Rest in peace, Justin. We will see you soon, but not yet.
Not yet.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- For my Friend -- Ashley Dawson, 12:59:22 01/13/02 Sun
I placed this poem on my site with a small message. I am going to miss you Justin, your witty replies and your genuine love.
There is a void that none can fill Justin. If I could, I would send you my love and A HUGE Hug. I am at a loss to say more that makes sense. I hurt inside and I dont know how to fix it. I am sure that your Dad and the rest of your Family are hurting too, I rage cause I cant change that which has happened to you Justie... All I can say is, I loved you with all my heart and thought of you as my friend, no less real than ones here at home.
Journey safely home my Justin the Okie.... you will be sorely missed.... a veil of tears.... a touch of sunset... and a loss almost unbearable..... Hugs Justin, Hugs
And Death Shall Have No Dominion
Dylan Thomas
And death shall have no dominion.
Dead men naked they shall be one
With the man in the wind and the west moon;
When their bones are picked clean and the clean
bones gone,
They shall have stars at elbow and foot;
Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise
again;
Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion.
And death shall have no dominion.
Under the windings of the sea
They lying long shall not die windily;
Twisting on racks when sinews give way,
Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break;
Faith in their hands shall snap in two,
And the unicorn evils run them through;
Split all ends up they shan't crack;
And death shall have no dominion.
And death shall have no dominion.
No more may gulls cry at their ears
Or waves break loud on the seashores;
Where blew a flower may a flower no more
Lift its head to the blows of the rain;
Though they be mad and dead as nails,
Heads of the characters hammer through daisies;
Break in the sun till the sun breaks down,
And death shall have no dominion.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
Feedback: 