Please Help Me I Need Advice -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Wednesday, April 15, 19:22:04

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Subject: Please Help Me I Need Advice

Author:
Jen (desperately confused!)

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Date Posted: 04/ 8/09 10:02am

Hello

I need some serious advice, as I do not know what to do anymore. I am 21 years old, and have a 2 year old girl with my ex boyfriend. He has a good relationship with her and all is fine there.

Anyway, I am living with my current boyfriend, whom I am now about 7 weeks pregnant by.

About two months ago, my boyfriend left to Europe on business. Whilst he was away, I started speaking to another guy on Skype, and flirting etc. When my boyfriend came back, he checked my Skype and found out. He was furious at me for lying, and we basically broke up. As I was still living with him, I had to find another place to live. Naturally, the living conditions were awful, and he treated me like a piece of you know what for lying to him. Anyway, the day before I was about to move into my new flat, we found out I was pregnant. We then decided to make it work.

Unfortunately now, he is not caring or supportive of me at all. He shows no concern for my well being, doesn't talk to me about the pregnancy, and yet says "being a dad is the most important thing to him"
all he does is work all the time now, he gets drunk too frequently even during the week, and is even more emotionally abusive towards me. He puts me down all the time, and just shows no interest in me. I know that because I lied to him, he does not forgive me, and fell out of love with me.

Now I am stuck in this predicament, as with his constant drinking and verbal abuse (he has smacked me in the face once or twice since I found out about the pregnancy when we were arguing) so badly that once my nose started bleeding. All he continues to say is that I must be the one to change, he will then state a long list of why I am a bad person etc etc and why it is MY fault the relationship is not working. I may as well not be pregnant, as I cook, clean and get treated like shit as before.

I would love to move out, but I cannot even afford to feed myself and my daughter. I am in South Africa so the mother helping centres are non-existent. I have no family in this city. I could perhaps afford moving out, but I have no car, so I would be catching (often unreliable and sometimes dangerous) public transport to work. I am desperate and just dont know what to do.

He also wants to move back to Portugal, so I would not put it past him to just take the baby during a visit and jump on a plane??!!!

I am so scared, what are my options. Please help me, what should I do??!

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Replies:

[> Subject: Re: Please Help Me I Need Advice

Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 04/ 8/09 9:13pm

Jen,

First of all, there are ALL KINDS of places that will help you in South Africa!

Go here and use "South Africa" from the dropdown list:

www.heartbeatinternational.org/worldwide_directory.asp

This man is an abuser. He has no business holding a lie against you, especially considering what he has done to you. I think it's just an excuse, personally.

Find a center near you and let them know you need shelter and basic necessities. They should be able to help you. Let us know what you find out.

I sure wouldn't go back to Portugal with this poor excuse, either. The fact is, if he has smacked you, he could resort to violence in the future. Don't take a chance! Most likely, he wasn't in love with you in the first place. He just wanted your body. As for making it work, it isn't.

If there is any way you can go live in the other flat, please do!

Please keep us informed. Come and talk whenever you need to. We will keep you in our prayers. There IS a solution. Get away from this man, so you can find it.

Hugs,
Pat