Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 12/11/06 6:05pm
Mary,
I understand your feelings. I had a pregnancy I felt distraught about. I wasn't very healthy, and I felt it would be a physical ordeal to be pregnant and give birth one more time. And yet, he is incredibly precious to me, and I am so proud of him! No, all our children were NOT planned. Several of them were not. In fact, most weren't, when you think about it. We planned three, adopted two (who were just as unplanned as yours), and had two more who were unplanned, and we lost one who was unplanned. It's not PLANNING children that makes you responsible, but how you care for the children you are given. Will you protect those children and care for them, or will you let some stranger rip your children from your body? Maybe you deserve something bad for getting pregnant under such circumstances, but does your child deserve for you to harm him or her? You ARE a mother. What will you do? Will you protect your child, or will you let some stranger do grave violence to your child?
I agree with you that ideally, you should have children with a loving husband (and don't assume that won't happen; there are women here who started out as single mothers, and ended up marrying a wonderful man who has been a father to their children in every way that matters). But a financially secure home? WE didn't have that. We thought we did, but you can't always order up prosperity and get it. We had long periods of time with no income at all. None of our children ever went hungry, or didn't have clothes and a place to live. We made it through. You can, too. You can get help we never even tried to get (because we didn't have to, in spite of our problems; God always provided). No matter how well you try to plan your life, life is something that HAPPENS. We are no longer taught how to survive adversity and uncertainty, but we need to learn to accept and deal with these things, because they happen.
What do you mean by dreams and hopes that you cannot realize? If you really want to do those things, you can! You can do them either in spite of being a mother or even because of it. I have accomplished just about everything in my life I wanted to accomplish even though we had children and hardship. And the children actually helped me realize some of my dreams, because I did things I wouldn't have done if I hadn't had children, things I am now very happy I did. Like learning to read a bunch of languages, learning to play new musical instruments, getting a beautiful piece of land in the wilderness as a place for our home, and many other things. I got a college degree after we had four children, three of them preschoolers. I helped found a civil rights organization and traveled (always with my youngest child) to speak and debate on behalf of the organization. The organization is now a third of a century old, and still going strong. I wanted to travel and do photography, and I have been doing that. And so on. I can't think of a single goal I have that I have never been able to touch, even because I had children.
As for having children by more than one father, well, because we adopted, we have children by three fathers. :) But my husband is THEIR father. Each and every one of them. He FATHERED them. He wasn't just a sperm donor! As for a broken home or whatever, let me tell you. I have four grandchildren. One of them was born to our son who is not married. He had a three week fling, and now he has a son. And his son, our grandson, is not any less precious to us than the other three. He's a beautiful child, and very well behaved, and very intelligent. I am thankful for him, and I told his mother, "Thank you for having him and letting us be part of his life." I cry tears of joy when I think about him. Our son and his mother are sharing taking care of him.
You should NEVER allow your obligations to force you to go against your own heart! If the people you are dealing with are humane, they will understand and appreciate you for being strong. If not, maybe you should find other people to associate with!
Why are you having trouble with your heart? It's because you are a mother, and your heart knows it! You have bonded with your baby (this starts to happen right after conception).
I appreciate very much the fact you feel safe coming here and letting out your feelings. We will be here for you, no matter what.
Follow your heart. Please protect your baby.
Hugs,
Pat
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