Re: Thanks -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject:

Re: Thanks

Author:
Tracey

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Date Posted: 12/11/06 12:30pm
In reply to: Mary 's message, "Thanks" on 12/11/06 11:07am

Mary~
So glad to hear from you again for coming back and keeping us posted. Mary, your heart is crying out to you right now. I have to tell you, I giggled a bit when you said, "Responsible parents plan their children." Mary, I want you to scroll up to the top of this page and look at my little ones just for a second. That's three of my four children. I now have a fourth little one, but just do me a favor and look at them for a second. Guess what...none of them were planned. I thank God every day for these amazing blessings in my life. I look at their sweet faces and melt when they wrap their arms around me and tell me that they love me. They were VERY unplanned...but by no means an "accident." God had a purpose from the very start, far from what I ever had envisioned for my life. But I can honestly say that they are the best thing that has ever happened in my life and I wouldn't change them for the world. Mary, the amazing thing about life is that it's full of surprises. Sometimes we have a set plan for our lives and when something comes along and seems to throw it off course, we react with utter shock or try to push it away. Have you ever thought that there is a reason this has happened. If parents had planned their children responsibly, most of us wouldn't be here...me included. But thank God for those surprises! How boring life would be if we just "existed." At this very moment, Mary, you have an amazing thing happening right now beneath your heart. A tiny life is forming and growing. This tiny little being has a tiny little heart pumping away and pounding with pure love just for you. You are his/her mother. That will never change. No matter what you decide, this child will always be your first. Now, the choice is yours...you can either "erase" it and deal with the consequences afterwards or embrace it and take on this new and exciting challenge. Motherhood isn't easy, but it is the most amazing thing I have ever done in my life. I thank God for choosing me to be my children's mother and know that I am SO blessed to be a part of their lives.
Mary, we are here for you and promise to help support and guide you. If you need resources, we will find them in your area. Please let us know what we can do for you. In the meantime, you and your little one will be in my prayers! Listen to your heart and you can't go wrong!
God bless,
Tracey

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Replies:

[> Subject: Re: Thanks

Author:
luka
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Date Posted: 12/11/06 2:47pm

You say you you think you deserve the heartache of abortion (which i disagree with) but does your child deserve to be destroyed because you believe you were irresposible? You're confused because logically this is not something you would have ever chosen for yourself at this point in time. And yet you feel some attachment to this unborn child that you are carrying and must somewhere inside realise that you are indeed going to be losing something in the event of having an abortion. It defies 'your logic' to be feeling that you want and love your child allready, but it's the most natural thing in the world and nothing you say or do can stop those conficting feelings not even abortion. Only an abortion will give you the tradgic contrast of before and after so that you realise that maybe you did want her/him and could have gone through with the pregnancy. It's one thing to assume that this will be hard and just force yourself to go along and terminate but quite another to sit in a cold sterile room (i mean this both physically and emotionally sterile) and allow strangers to violate your body and take your unborn child from you in such a violent fashion. When you feel that you have no choice for whatever reason you can make every argument in the world to yourself for why you have to go through something like that but the reality is far more bleak. To me taking responsibilty for your actions would be to continue the pregnancy not to destroy it. Obviously not getting pregnant in the first place would be far preferable for you but abortion won't get you there. You're pregnant and nothing will change the fact that you are right now. And that is a responibilty in itself. Yours as a mother (which you are now whether you like it or not) is to protect and nurture your child. I don't know maybe adoption would be something you could live with. If you feel that your own situation is so bad that you're considering abortion. If you're torn maybe the idea of having a two parent, two income family raise your child would really be ok in the end. Or you could of course as you're considering have an abortion and feel really horrible for a while then block it all out and go on with your life and join the millions of others who have been in the unfortunate position of having had a life ripped from them. You may one day go on to have other children but if and when you do how will you feel to love so completely this new baby and not spare a thought for the one you denied life? Again i know because i've been there. It damages your character to say well i can justify denying my childs life because of my circumstances but then at another point say well no this one can live because i have more.It's frustrating to me because i feel like i'm not explaining this properly, and unfortunately it may be that you won't understand unless and untill you go through this one way or another. Take care, Merry Christmas.

[> [> Subject: Re: Thanks

Author:
Nancy
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Date Posted: 12/14/06 5:57pm

I just read your post and wanted to add my feelings. Last year, 13 years after being told I would never have another child, I found out I was pregnant. It was incredibly unexpected, and I did not want a baby at all. At that point, I wasn't against abortion, but I didn't feel it was right for me. So I chose to have my baby, and it was a real struggle. I was on bedrest the whole time and and I almost lost her so many times. 13 weeks before my due date, my water broke, and she was born 2 weeks later. My point is this-my baby, born 11 weeks before she was due, at 2 lbs. 6.8 oz., fought so hard to stay alive. Not only her, but the 14 other babies that were on the critical side of the NICU. Every one of them fought so hard to stay alive, and several of them were born at less than 1 pound and as early as 24 weeks (16 weeks early). If babies will fight this hard to stay alive, even being born so early, then every baby deserves the right to have that chance.

[> [> [> Subject: Re: Thanks

Author:
Heather
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Date Posted: 12/16/06 11:42pm

Hi Nancy,

I almost missed your post buried in there on another thread; thank you for sharing that from your life! I can definitely relate to the 'incredibly unexpected' baby. You didn't share the outcome of your little one, or how motherhood is going for you but it is gratifying and bittersweet to hear you observation of the fight for survival that even the weakest and tiniest of human beings make. I've alway thought there was considerable 'simple wisdom' in the thought that a person is a person, no matter how small they are. Where would we be if we kept a person's size as a standard for their right to life 'outside' womb? This would translate to a 1 year old infant being less worthy of life than a 5 year old child because they're small and less developed, and a 5 year old child being less worthy of life than an adult for the same reason.

Anyway, thank you for taking the time to share your experience. My own son was born 6 weeks early, not nearly as significant of prematurity as your daughter, but early enough for me to spend that same reflective time in the NICU at the 'tiny people' around me fighting for health and life.
My son was just so tiny, also. And yet now here he is, ready turn 9 years old in just a few weeks, and the picture of good health and boyhood. He is a wonderful child - brilliant, funny, kind and a great companion. We're extremely proud of him. And he was the same 'Andrew' when he was born so weak and tiny, just in need of care of nurture!

With Kindness,

Heather