Re: It's everywhere. -- Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

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Date Posted: 19:07:49 04/21/16 Thu
Author: L (clarifying)
Subject: Re: It's everywhere.
In reply to: Sue 's message, "Re: It's everywhere." on 21:58:01 04/20/16 Wed

Sue, I was going to answer your questions point by point, but I think it would probably be better to just lay out my perspective clearly.

To be clear as to where I'm coming from: the original post here said that "homosexuality is everywhere," and why can't men just love women and women just love men?

Then Bob commented, "As our societies become more liberal and accepting, gay people are able to be out without judgment [. . .] The ultimate solution to the problem which brings us all here is for gay people to not feel ashamed of themselves, weird, unusual etc etc and to not enter a MOM. To remove the need for a 'beard', to remove the need to 'fit in'. It'll take time, but that's the direction we're going and we will all be happier as a result."

In my original post I said I agreed with Bob, and I still do!

So now, to get back to your question(s), I think that if homosexuality is less stigmatized, it would prevent the shame that causes people to hide and potentially try to marry or live a life against their sexual orientation (like a gay man pretending to be straight and lying to his straight wife). Also, if there was no shame in being gay, being in a "straight" partnership would offer no advantage over being in a same-sex partnership! Both would be totally acceptable.

All this is NOT to say that it renders the past forgiven! After all, there's nothing wrong with being gay, but there IS something wrong with being duplicitous and deceitful, and there is a LOT wrong with hurting others with your lies - causing your spouse not to trust themselves or anyone else, ruining their self esteem, letting them feel unwanted while they desperately search for answers and spin their wheels to fix a problem that is completely unfix-able. These are horrible things for one person to do to another.

I hope that explains my position better. I'm in no way making excuses for the kind of cruelty frequently displayed by the spouses discussed in this forum.

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Replies:

Re: It's everywhere. -- Sue, 19:46:33 04/21/16 Thu
Re: It's everywhere. -- lily, 23:31:13 05/03/16 Tue