My advice..... -- Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

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Date Posted: 16:40:10 05/23/16 Mon
Author: Kel
Subject: My advice.....
In reply to: Sue 's message, "How long" on 21:04:35 05/22/16 Sun

Let your child try living with Dad over the summer when there aren't any major rearrangements to be made (transferring schools, doctors, etc.) and let it play itself out. DO.NOT try to control the situation. Just keep up visitation with your child on the weekends that you agree upon, and make sure you stay being who you've always been to them. There is this thing that teenagers do where they think that if they go to the other magical place, life will be easier. And you worry that maybe it will be. It's summer, after all. Only they don't have any friends there, they don't know the neighborhood, they don't have any routines, they don't have all their stuff. And when given the freedom to do what they want, the kid will often choose to return home. And the dad is often happy about it and the issue never again comes up.

Is there a chance that your kid will love it there and never return home again? Sure. But if your kid is determined to go there and chooses to join the fight in trying to get that legally done, then it will be much harder for them to change their mind later. Get it done and over with in the summer. If it does wind up happening, it would have anyway, and this will give adequate time for them to sign her up for school, etc.

You could fight it. But then if you win, your kid will resent you. Unless you think that your ex is a physical or emotional threat to your child, I don't advise going that route. It's amazing how good home looks after a while - even after an amazing vacation.

As for all the other stuff, I get it - you've lost a whole bunch of stuff and you're upset. You're entitled to that. Cry for a bit. Sit curled up in a ball and drink tea. Then pick yourself up and dust yourself off and do what needs to be done. Or it will steamroll you. And then you'll still be sad, but also steamrolled. Which doesn't help anything. Life sucks sometimes. And, then you move on. Who wants to stay in that horribly sad place, anyway? You can't get anywhere else until you move away from where you are.

Kel

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