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Date Posted: 19:40:37 05/19/16 Thu
Author: Sue ((questioning))
Subject: Blaming and shaming

This is a copy of something I posted in a response below, that Rob has already answered (thank you, Rob!) I wanted to repost it to get other feedback.

So after many months of no face to face conversation, I made the mistake of asking my ex to explain how long he knew, etc. He's really pissed at me bc I sent him some texts with choice words regarding his betrayal of me and our family. He told me, "I'm bi not gay so I could have just as easily left you for a woman as a man. I just had to get away from you." He listed off all my flaws. He told me if I look inside myself I'll figure out why he left. That hurt like hell. It also interests me because while he blamed me for many things last summer as he was preparing to leave, most of the talk was about how he needed to be with a man. I know I was not perfect, and of course I'll worry could I have done something differently to be a better wife. But then I remember he never told me anything about these flaws when we were married. And maybe, just maybe, he's the one that blew our marriage apart when he had to have sex with a man. But man does he have a way of making me doubt myself. I have an anxiety disorder, so have relied on him for reassurance and help with that for 20 years. I am so worried that that drove him away. (My self-confidence is at an all-time low since he left me in August.) So deep down inside, I fear that this is the "ultimate flaw," that I will never be in a normal relationship and that I really drove my husband away. But for 20 years he never, never complained about these things and the first i heard about his unhappiness was all related to TGT.

He also insists he's bi even though he had to be with a man.

Thanks for helping me clarify.

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