| Subject: Someday You Will Have to Do Something |
Author:
Dlila
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Date Posted: 17:25:05 03/03/06 Fri
I am 50 years old. To many here that seems ancient. I had my abortion 28 years ago. I was an unmarried mom (very taboo in the early 70's) with a 2 year old. The father was killed in a car accident & already knowing how hard it was as a single mom to support a child at minimum wage, abortion seemed the only answer. I can tell you, the pain never goes away, but it gets easier to bear. The feeling of loss never goes away, but you can find joy in things you may have taken for granted before.
Reading this board I cried, a lot. None of you are alone. You all belong to a great secret sisterhood the world would rather forget about and ignore. It soothes their collective conscience when they put their 'Keep Abortion Legal' bumper stickers on their cars. I have told my son and anyone who would listen that the only people who should vote on abortion laws are those who have actually experienced it. I especially never want to hear a man tell me why it is the right thing to do.
What I want to say is that someday you will have to do something about it. I drove to the gravesite of my babies father and asked him to watch over our baby till I got to heaven. I did this at 3am and drove 6 hours to get there, but I just had to do something. This was 3 years after my abortion, and as silly as it sounds it did start me on my way to healing. I could go to bed at night without crying myself to sleep.
Some of you may need to seek counseling but be careful, like I said, the world in general doesn't like to admit abortion leaves casualties like us littering the landscape. Let yourself grieve, and don't feel guilty. A baby lost is a baby lost. Be gentle with yourself and others, a child doesn't know what he hasn't experienced until it is too late (Don't touch that it's hot!). Same as we did not know what it would really be like until we had done it. The same as your parents, boyfriends, husbands, etc., do not know & never will. You can try to explain, but most of the time the lack of first hand knowledge results in complete ignorance.
I include those who have had more than one in the above paragraph as well. We tend to numb ourselves to emotional pain until it will not be ignored, and in doing so we sometimes leave ourselves open to repeat that which pained us.
Turn your pain to something good. If you want to, get involved in pro-life causes, share your story, counsel others to listen to their hearts, and nothing else. If that is too hard or against your principals, volunteer at an animal shelter, feed stray animals, deliver food to shut ins, or just give a few dollars to the homeless. These things are not to buy your way into heaven, or get rid of your feeling of guilt. They are to lift your spirit, they open your eyes to the fact you are a part of the human race, they use your pain to relieve the pain of others who are suffering. When you can see the grateful wagging of a mistreated animals tail, or the smile on an old mans face when you bring him some hot soup, it makes it easier and easier to look in the mirror and see that you are not a monster. You made a mistake. You regret it. Life will not turn back for you, but it can go on.
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