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Subject: This BE different! Author: Cassie [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 00:13:44 07/05/01 Thu I did a funny thing today. I ate MEALS. Yes, actual meals like breakfast, lunch and dinner. Usually I skip meals because I've snacked too much and I'm not hungry. THIS is different. The terror is still here. (I can see me on this forum a year from now saying: "The terror is still here." for the 365th time.) Every time I have the impulse to grab a bite to eat and mind fog my way to the computer Something stops me and I feel into my body. Spent a lot of time just doing that today. I also watched some television without eating. That's different too. Usually I eat without watching television. I've been thinking too. Thinking of how this is different than all the times I've tried to diet etc. etc. NEVER before have I dieted from addictive behavior itself. This is different. And you know what, it's the mutuality of this forum that has made it so different. I don't know how to say this without sounding insipid but... I REALLY GET THAT YOU BEING THERE CHANGES EVERYTHING. It's the Consciousness factor, it doesn't allow the mind to fog over. I'm amazed. So how goes it with you? You know, I think it all starts with noticing...noticing when the "mind goes off to the side of what I am doing, and intentionally makes me unconscious of myself in the moment, like pulling the wool over my eyes" (Deidra). Noticing that: "I sometimes mbrace 'whatever gets me through the night!" (Kyla) That noticing is the first thing...and it's all we need to begin to change. Just noticing. Today I noticed how boring boredom is. And how automatically I usually grab a bite to eat when housework is making its nasty demands on my valuable time. Boredom is almost worse than terror. At least with the terror there's something there to feel. But boredom is like trying to feel the air...it's so dull that the mind can't stay there without having the overwhelming desire to scream. And doing the dishes for the 9th million time is not exactly an exciting adventure. So today I felt the boredom and washed the dishes for the 9th million and first time. This is different too. Well I've blathered on until there's no more blather left in me. Your turn. [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

Subject Author Date Re: This BE different! Kyla 04:49:14 07/05/01 Thu The addiction behind all addictions -- Cassie, 06:11:46 07/05/01 Thu And... -- Cassie, 06:35:43 07/05/01 Thu Re: And... -- Deidra, 09:54:46 07/05/01 Thu More and more on more special -- Cassie, 23:39:54 07/05/01 Thu