| Subject: Peeping |
Author:
Marc
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Date Posted: 19:05:09 07/21/01 Sat
You're all being watched.
I've been sitting here, looking at this screen, these messages, these confessions, these conversations. I've sometimes wanted to respond to what I've read, but invariably I decide not to. Even though I only see words on screen, I feel a room full of presences, others, connections. What could I possibly add to this mix? I cannot be more eloquent or more discriminating or more enthusiastic than those who have written here. I don't have Kyla's heart, Deidra's fierceness, Cassie's honesty, Art's poetry, Chris's imagination, or any of the amazing powers other people in here own. What can I offer? Perhaps I fear becoming just another response in one of these threads, another name, another word or utterance that will only evanesce before being completely spoken, or another image that will only flicker and fade to black when your computer is shut down.
I bemoan that I'm here alone in Chicago, away from Waking Down friends. But maybe I want it that way. Then I can go on peeping without entering the room, without suffering the longing for contact, without having to entertain hope, without have to suffer the loss of possible connections. Would I love my Waking Down friends as I do if I lived near them and with them? Or perhaps I'll come into the room, and before long the room will be empty, and I'll be the only one left here. Hell, I should've just stayed invisible in Chicago.
So if you're wondering who's been here, hiding behind this monitor, it's me. Maybe there are others, but I wouldn't know because my eyes are too much fixed on all of you in this room. Thank you for all your contributions and gifts, and for daring to be co-creators of new realities.
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