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Subject: Re: Has anybody seen my car keys?


Author:
Gill
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Date Posted: 05:34:53 02/28/01 Wed
In reply to: Paul 's message, "Has anybody seen my car keys?" on 17:22:38 02/22/01 Thu
 Hi Paul

I've been wanting to post a witty reply to your message ever since I read it last week - but the truth is, my sense of humour seems to have dried up! It was a great relief when I first read your message - something lighthearted after all the seriousness of most of this Forum. But it seems to signify a change in me that I can't respond humorously. Somehow the world and this life just isn't funny any more. In my mind it still can be funny (and how I long to laugh). But IN MY BODY it is no joke whatsoever. I am beginning to see why I have taken or tried to take so much refuge in my mind and "the transcendent", because from those distant and dissociative places life becomes almost bearable again and I can laugh at my own and others' misfortunes. But EMBODIMENT and FEELING the pain, terror etc. reminds me it is no joke whatsoever.

And to be this serious - as I've tried to be so many times in my life - is usually not the way to gain friends and influence people. I have been dismissed so many times - for, after all, who wants to be reminded of the gloom? But at last, and now, I need to stand in this. When people meet me there, ironically, I am then truly able to laugh (with the tears simultaneously running down my face). It is a laughter that does not deny but truly acknowledges the horror of being here.

Perhaps my car keys lie here - in the darkness!

Much love,

Gill

PS. Incidentally, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you for your letter(s) to Ted Strauss, which I've read on his website and which I found very inspiring. Thanks!
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Re: Has anybody seen my car keys?Paul20:19:41 03/01/01 Thu

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