Thoughts please -- Spirit World

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Date Posted: 21:56:48 10/27/06 Fri
Author: Michelle
Subject: Thoughts please

Hello dear friends. I always tell my students that great literature is full of angst because that's the only time humanity stops to get introspective and write! I'm just as bad, since I lurk a lot, but only manage (selfishly) to post when I need to feel your support...so here's the latest in the saga of us..

Last week, I got to be the parent who delivered a short sharp reality check to stepson #1...that he might not be readmitted to the school where we work and where his brothers are enrolled. Selfishly, although I would NEVER tell him this, it would be better for the four of us if he weren't because we all need a space where Asperger doesn't run our lives. He worked his way through the frustration - and told me he loved me at the end of the conversation - but is still not a happy boy...really is bored in the public school that can provide him with the structure and support services he needs. So...wishes for what's best for him - even if it isn't best for us.

Stepson #2 is dealing with a real adolescent sense of entitlement. Can't grasp the fact that when dad needs radiator hoses and michelle needs tires, the end of the month is NOT the time to want to go out with your buddies. Particularly buddies who think nothing of dropping over $20/kid on dinner and a movie...thoughts for him. He's having a very hard time being the child of teachers.

And, finally, the biggie. DH and I are weighing the possiblity of becoming parents to a child of our own. Kicker is...for a number of reasons, pregancy and I might not get along at all well. (Okay...going pre-eclamptic is the LEAST of my worries) So, we are in the process of deciding whether to risk it, or to adopt. I don't need to be pregnant to be someone's mom...and while I am, in all practical senses of the word, "mom" to the boys, they have a mother and she loves them as much as they love her. So...I'm not, really, a mom...and being a mom is something I know I need to be.

Keep us all in your prayers. It's an interesting process, to say the least.

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[> Hi Michelle, glad to hear from you-and it's okay to lurk and come out now and again. Come on inside...I'm gonna go long. -- Keira, 11:52:02 10/30/06 Mon

I feel for your struggles with the boys. Teen age years can be so difficult. I think God knew what She was doing when She planned it this way. It makes it easier for us to let them leave when the time comes.

To become a parent or not.....Michelle, you can worry about absolutely everything when you are pregnant but keep in mind that millions of babies are born every year and the pregnancies go fine. There is nothing like the experience of being pregnant and delivering that baby that you have bonded with for the previous nine months. BUT.....and this is a huge but....if you sincerely feel in your heart that you do not want to do it-then don't. You have to do what is right for you and your husband. Either decision will be right for you. While you are trying to make up your mind, is there someone i.e. family doctor or someone that you can talk about your fears and hesitations? Perhaps you are fearful because of what has happened to friends or family members when they were pregnant? Most times-what has happened to them will not happen to you. It sounds like you are putting some serious soul searching into this decision. Just know that whatever you decide will be the absolute best thing for you and your family. My thoughts will be with you.

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[> [> going longer -- Michelle, 21:58:05 10/30/06 Mon

You have NO idea how much I needed to see a msg...today was hell. #1 ran away from school. Decided that he was unhappy. That Friday's incident on the bus was the mistake that would screw anything up, and that he was going to leave. Packed a backpack, took his meds, left us a note and the house key, and walked out the door at school. Walked to the highway (six lane, divided, thank you very much) and started walking south. Hitchhiked...cops 30 miles away picked him up, and called Chuck. School didn't even know he was gone. So...emergency meeting tomorrow at noon. I have to cancel a class, Chuck has to take day off...we're terrified that he's going to try again tonight.

As for the other...have consulted. Perinatologist father put me in touch with colleague of his. Auto-immune that causes vaso-spasm under stress, labile hypertension - secondary to autoimmune (see stress above), darn old for a primigravida, tiny, Yeah...it's a mess...

Okay...gotta scoot. Going to put on jammies and have a stiff drink. Scotch, if Viive's listening!

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I'm listening, late as it is! and I KNOW that a good Single Malt will always do the trick for me! Michelle I'm thinking of you, sending you loving vibes. None of this is easy, but it sure sounds like you're an incredible second mother to these kids! I hope this night remains uneventful. I have a friend who was married for almost 28 years to someone with a mild and previously undiagnosed form of Aspergers....(she doesn't drink much but her medicine of choice was always a good scotch too! )...as far as the pregnancy>>>(come inside) -- Viive, the late night Halloween decorator!, 01:58:57 10/31/06 Tue

...(continued)...I have many friends who went through various difficult things around the time I was pregnant...and they've all ended up with wonderful children, but through various ways: one adopted a newborn, one had a 'test-tube' baby after many tries, two had 'sperm washes'(one ended up with twins, the other had two children this way in her early 40's)...and one adopted from a former soviet country. Looking back, all the things they went through were worth it. I hope you find the solution that you are most comfortable with, with ease...it sounds like you know what you're dealing with and that you're moving through these things with your heart and your eyes open. Sending you love, it's a crazy but wonderful journey!

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[> [> Aww Michelle, sending hugs this way. It's what I do best. And passing along something to make you smile whilst drinking that scotch....Click Here for Scotch -- JeanClaire*, 11:31:21 10/31/06 Tue

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[> Viive, just tagging back on to say that I'll be in TO on Thursday for grad ceremonies. They are being held in the mrong so we'll hang around for lunch and a bit. Are you downtown at all-can we meet for coffee? Although I might be pressed for time in the morning, the afternoon might be a bit looser. -- Keira, 08:07:04 10/31/06 Tue

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[> [> Well, I can spell morning-not sure why my fingers didn't follow my brain!! -- Keira, 08:08:24 10/31/06 Tue

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[> [> [> ooh Keira, that would be wonderful! I'll be around St.Clair and Yonge, working but I can take off when you have time...I'll try to get a hold of you tonight! -- Viive, 08:56:04 10/31/06 Tue

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[> [> [> [> and...define grad ceremonies? I'm presuming yours? that is so great! -- V again, 08:57:13 10/31/06 Tue

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[> [> [> [> [> ((((((((((KEIRA)))))))))) sorry we didn't connect, did you get my email with my numbers? AND are you at the One of a Kind Show? Maarika's working there on weekends... -- V., 17:13:12 11/12/06 Sun

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[> [> [> [> [> [> hehe, like the colors? The green is called 'beer' and the red is called 'tomato'...I think Antje discovered those... -- v, 01:44:57 11/14/06 Tue

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> beer? tomato? Sounds like a night o' pizza -- Michelle, 20:52:19 11/14/06 Tue

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[> [> ACCCCHHHHHH!!!!!! Keira! You're graduating!!! Congratulations, Woman!!! WOOOOOHOOOOOOO to YOUUUUUUUU!!!!!! -- Betsy, 14:31:34 10/31/06 Tue

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[> [> [> Ah, thank you so much guys!!!!! Yes, it is my convocation. I am finished my BScN and am just looking into starting a Masters. Other news is....I was just informed today that I was the successful applicant for the peds diabetic nurse clinician position!!!!!! It was a long process between appyling and two interviews and a teaching session etc...but it is done and the committee have obviously made the right decision, lol. V, can you e-mail me? We are staying at the Best Western tomorrow night. I'll let you know the details. Michelle, still sending those hugs your way. -- Keira, 22:48:54 10/31/06 Tue

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[> [> [> [> Have a wonderful morning Keira! I'm so thrilled for you!!! I hope you got my email! -- viive, 22:27:26 11/01/06 Wed

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[> [> [> [> Congratulations oh great graduate... -- Michelle, 22:43:24 11/01/06 Wed

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[> Oh, Michelle!!! (((Hugs))) to you, Dear One. We've (DH, DC...that's Dear Children... and I) have all survived those dreaded Teen years so far. I know oh so very well all the heart break, fear, fury and happiness that can and does happen. *sigh* A thought to hold onto...This too shall pass. Teens are just so passionate about everything, especially the not-so-great stuff. Hang in there. This too shall pass. It is my mantra. That, and the notion that no matter WHAT is happening to us at the time, there is so much worse it could be. more>>>>> -- Betsy, 14:27:26 10/31/06 Tue

And as far as being a mother....you are. I do understand the intense desire to have "one of your won", though. I can't add much to Keira's or Viiva's words. You'll know what is right for you. Blessings to you all in these journey's. I am sending you Love and Energy and surrounding you in a ball of pink light. Peace be to you. This too shall pass.....This too shall pass.

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[> [> Hiya Michelle, how's it going on the home front? Thinking of you....*hugs* -- V., 14:25:36 11/17/06 Fri

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